Good and Broken

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

He left her so she gave up on him. Or did she?


“Are you really leaving?” He heard the girl’s whisper as if she had shouted despite the noisy crowd. His back was turned but he could sense, somehow, that she was crying.

“I…” He stopped, he had nothing to say to her. I’m sorry. He wanted to speak those words, but he knew if he did, he wouldn’t have the resolve to go, he would break down right there, crying and screaming like a child being dropped off at school for the first time. “Goodbye, Mikoto.”


Goodbye my lover

Goodbye my friend

You have been the one

You have been the one for me


The words hit her like a ton of bricks. She knew it was coming, or at least she thought she did. “Why?” Why are you leaving me? All she wanted to do was run to him, to wrap her arms around him and cry. He was the only one who knew all her secrets, who had seen the true darkness of her past, and who had always stayed by her side. Until now.

The boy stood there for a moment, unmoving, and seemingly unfeeling. No one saw the tears streaming down his face. “Does that really matter right now!?” He spat the words out as if they were a bitter taste in his mouth. “I’m leaving because I have no choice, not because I want to.” A train pulled into the station. It was his. Soon enough he had boarded and the train had departed once again. It was then that she knew she had truly lost him.

And it was in that moment that she that she could no longer stand. In a last, futile attempt to save her dignity, she ran. She ran until she couldn’t anymore. As if sensing her disconsolateness, the sky darkened and the heavens opened letting out tears to mirror her own. She looked to the sky and let the rain wash away her heartbreak, but the words still echoed in her mind.


You touched my heart you touched my soul

You changed my life and all my goals

And love is blind and that I knew when

My heart was blinded by you


“Touma, didn’t you realize I love you?”


He had left her. Was it the right choice? Probably not… He stared out the window and rested his head against the frosted glass. Cold. He shivered from the unexpected stimuli, but didn’t sit back up. Watching the water droplets run down the window provided him no solace, all he could think about was the hazel-eyed girl he left behind. The one he still loved.


Two months since he left, two months without Mikoto and he couldn’t stand it anymore. All he knew was that he needed to go back.


Two months since he left, two months without Touma and she no longer believed in love, or so she thought. All she knew was that she needed to move on, so she did.

When he returned to Academy City, the first thing he did was look for her. He looked in all of Mikoto’s usual places, every nook and cranny that might hold a clue to the whereabouts of the brunette that he missed so terribly.


I don't mean to be a bother,

But have you seen this girl?

She's been running through my dreams

And it's driving me crazy, it seems

I'm going to ask her to marry me


Scouring the city for hours proved tiring and his search came with no reward, so in a last ditch attempt to find Mikoto, he went to her old dorm room at Tokiwadai. Kuroko teleported in front of the dorms at the same time that he ran up as if she was expecting him, but from the dirty look she shot him, he knew she hadn’t been. “If you’re looking for Onee-sama, you’re looking in the wrong place.”


The neighbors said she moved away

Funny how it rained all day

I didn't think much of it then

But it's starting to all make sense

Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds

Are following me in my desperate endeavor

To find my whoever, wherever she may be


Gone. How could she be gone!? It had only been two months… but to him they felt like years, maybe it was like that for her too. He longed for her touch, just one last time. He didn’t care what that meant, she could slap him and he’d be happy. Before Kuroko could say anything to the devastated boy, he took off again. He needed to find her. He had to. Barely five minutes into his second search, he felt his phone vibrate. A text from… Mikoto. What he saw made him fall to his knees.


I'm not coming back

I've done something so terrible

I'm terrified to speak

But you'd expect that from me

I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just

Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind

Keeping an eye on the world,

From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now

I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head


She was sitting in the park, their usual place. He hadn’t come here yet, she knew he was looking for her, but only because Kuroko told her. “Touma...” The name felt foreign on her lips, in the two months that they had been apart, she hadn’t mentioned him. Not even once. When she first learned he was here for her she desperately wanted to see him, but now, she was done. Without a second thought, she got up and walked away from the boy she once loved.


Even though she doesn't believe in love,

He's determined to call her bluff

Who could deny these butterflies?

They're filling his gut


He had only one place left to look, the place she’d least likely be given that she didn’t want to be found. Rounding the corner, he thought he caught a glimpse of the all too familiar Tokiwadai uniform near “their” vending machine, but there was no one there. His run came to a sudden stop, he stared at the bench in shock, in disbelief. She wasn’t here. If she wasn’t here, then where was she… where…


Now this place seems familiar to him

She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin

She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs

Left him dying to get in


She had been wandering the streets for a few hours, she didn’t know what else to do with herself. She did know that she wouldn’t be able to keep a hold of herself if she saw Touma again, so she did her best to avoid him. Looking at the orange sky, she figured he was gone. There was no way he’d stay until sunset… well, maybe he would, this was Touma she was talking about. Despite that, she decided to return to the Tokiwadai dorms and that she’d never speak his name, not even if he was back for good.


Well I guess I'll go home now...

I guess I'll go home now...

I guess I'll go home now...

I guess I'll go home


He was scheduled to leave that night, but he didn’t. Something deep down told him he should stay, that even though he knew their relationship would never be the same, he might catch a glimpse of her smiling face.


Three weeks had passed since he came back to Academy City and he still hadn’t spoken to Mikoto. He had seen her, sure, but he could never work up the nerve to actually go up to her. He didn’t even know if she knew he was still here, but even if she did would it really make a difference? If she did, would she go looking for her?


She is everywhere I go

Everyone I see

Winter's gone and I still can't sleep

Summer's on the way

At least that's what they say

But these clouds won't leave


It had been a month since she gave up on him. How long had it been since he gave up on her? That, she didn’t know. She didn’t know if he had given up at all, knowing Touma, he hadn’t, but there was a small doubt that pulled at her heart saying he had moved on. In hindsight, she realized she should have stayed, she should have waited for him to find her on that seemingly insignificant park bench, yet she also realized that maybe losing him was for the best. Not saying his name hadn’t been difficult for her, not thinking of him was another story. All of her friends, save for Kuroko, thought she hadn’t been heavily affected and that she was over him, but she wasn’t, she feared she never would be. Fortunately for her, he wasn’t around to remind her of what she was missing. If she saw him again, she knew she wouldn’t be able to save face, it would all be over. Her facade was only so strong, and all it would take to break her was one word from him, one look, one… one anything, really, whether it be rejection or an apology or both, she would fall down right there, crying, and all her hard work would be for naught. Despite being relieved that Touma wasn’t around, she wasn’t about to say that she enjoyed him being gone. Really it was a miserable existence, at best. The memory of him was strong, and it wasn’t going to be purged from her mind anytime soon, so what was she to do?


This is the memory

This is the curse of having

Too much time to think about it

It's killing me

This is the last time

This is my forgiveness

This is endless


He saw her laughing. It broke him. Completely and utterly broke him. She had moved on without him and there was nothing her could do to reach her.


Now spring has brought the rain

But I still see your face

And I can not escape the past

Creeping up inside

Reminding me that I

Can never bring you back


She could’ve sworn she saw his face in the crowd. She thought for a fleeting moment all her walls were going to crumble down and her heart stopped. But when the people parted, he was gone. She wasn’t sure if she had really seen him or if her eyes were playing tricks on her. Honestly, she didn’t know which would have been better. She was no longer sure of what she wanted. She had no way to find out, so she ignored her heart, and went on as if nothing had happened.


This is endless

Someone help me

'Cause the memory

Convinced itself to tear me apart

And it's gonna succeed before long


He was still hung up on her, he still loved her and he wanted nothing more than to tell her. To finally confess how she’s made him feel all this time, but she was over him, she was too far gone, and he didn’t have the power to make her believe him. Somehow, though, fate brought her to him, but not in the way he had wanted. He saw her walking, nothing unusual about that, and upon seeing her, he felt the words he had been holding back rise in his chest. She looked in his direction when he called out her name and although she smiled, something wasn’t right. As he approached her, someone else appeared. Another man. He had never seen this person before, but he was acting just a little too friendly with Mikoto. And in this moment, he knew she was sending him a message telling him to back off. To leave her for good. “Mikoto, I uh..” He grinned. It was forced. “I saw you walking, and, well, I just wanted to tell you... goodbye.” He wasn’t really leaving, not like last time, but he was leaving the battlefield for her heart. He had already lost that fight and there was no reason to hurt her anymore than he had. And with that, he turned and ran, just like she had done all those days ago.


Because these words were never easier for me to say

Or her to second guess

But I guess

That I can live without you but

Without you I'll be miserable at best


“Touma…” She called out after the boy, and immediately cursed herself for speaking his name. The boy beside her gave her a concerned look and it reminded her of him, yet there was a difference in their expressions. This boy lacked the thing that had originally made her fall in love with Touma, The fierce compassion, the things he told her, how she mattered more than she would ever understand, and the way he looked at her. Now she knew, now she saw, now she felt the pain he was experiencing from this. She wasn’t the only one who was hurt, he was hurt too, but she didn’t know how to help him. She desperately wanted to save him the way he had saved her, but he was gone, gone forever. He had just told her goodbye and that was it, there was no “I’ll be back” in this farewell. He wasn’t coming back and that severed the final connection between  them, now their relationship was just good and broken, there wasn’t anything left to repair.


You're all that I hoped to find

In every single way

And everything I would give

Is everything you couldn't take

'Cause nothing feels like home,

You're a thousand miles away

And the hardest part of living

Is just taking breaths to stay


He had gone 7 days, and it was killing him, Acknowledging she was done with him was the hardest thing he had ever done, and he no longer knew what to do with his life. He wandered Academy City aimlessly, lost, without a purpose. He knew his life wasn’t over, he wasn’t about to go that far, but he still felt broken. It was then that he saw her again, this time she wasn’t with the other man, His resolve had been destroyed and he wasn’t quite ready to pick up the pieces, but he couldn’t just let this opportunity pass him by. She was facing away from him, he could’ve just kept walking. Why didn’t he just keep walking? Why did he subject himself to the pain again? “Mikoto”


And this'll be the first time in a week

That I'll talk to you

And I can't speak

It's been three whole days since I've had sleep

'Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek

And I got the point that I should leave you alone

But we both know that I'm not that strong

And I miss the lips that made me fly


A familiar voice called her name, it was Touma. She had given up on forgetting him, she still loved him, no matter how much she denied or regretted it. She contemplated turning around, embracing him even, but she couldn’t let him see how he crumbled her walls. It seemed that right hand of his didn’t just destroy all supernatural phenomena. Blinking back tears, a false smile painted itself across her face and with it as her mask, she looked at him, at the boy she still loved.


You're trying your hardest

And the hardest part is letting go

Of the nights we shared

Ocala is calling

And you know it's haunting

But compared

To your eyes,

Nothing shines

Quite as bright


He didn’t know what to expect when he saw her, but he never thought he would see such a pained look on Mikoto’s face. She looked like she was on the verge of a meltdown, and that was the last thing he hoped for when all he wanted was to make her happy. “Mikoto, are you okay?”


“No, Touma, I’m not okay. I’ve lost the person I love and I’m not going to be okay.”


I can't believe that so much time was spent on my own

Just trying to figure it out all alone

Don't show emotion, let this go


He was taken aback, he couldn’t quite comprehend what Mikoto had said. “What… What do you mean? The one you love?” He looked at her dumbfounded, wondering who she could be referring to. Obviously he wanted it to be him, but she had said it herself, she was over him.


“Are you stupid?!” Her sudden shouting scared not only Touma, but herself as well. “I’m- was in love with you, but you just ignored it! At this point I don’t know what to think, were you just too dumb to see how I felt or did you just act like that to avoid confronting me?” She was sobbing, she didn’t have the energy to keep face anymore, so she let it out. “... You left me Touma, you left me all alone and didn’t tell me why. Do you know how much that hurt?”


I can't pretend that everything is still okay

Until you rightfully say what you said

The night you left me here for dead, for dead


He didn’t answer, he didn’t know how to. “It hurt me too, you know.”


“Hurt you too? Hurt you too!? You’re the one who left! You didn’t have to leave, you could’ve stayed with me…” She balled her fists and clenched her teeth. Her knuckles turned white. “I wanted you to stay, I wanted you to see.”


He looked down, the piercing glare Mikoto sent his way did nothing for his confidence. “I couldn’t see it at first. I didn’t know how you felt, then I left and I realized that I loved you. I still do, but it wasn’t until recently that I found out you loved me too. But now, now that doesn’t matter because you’ve moved on. I just wanted you to know that I still cared, and that I’m not leaving you again. I’ll always be here for you when you need me.”


She scoffed “If you expect me to just forgive you like nothing happened, you’re gravely mistaken.”


Tell me that you're alright

Yeah, like I really care

Why do we fight sometimes

Just like we always do

Try and make up your mind

I'll make it up for you

Try and make up your mind, your mind, your mind


“That’s not what I meant, you know that as-”


“Shut up!” Her voice had grown hoarse from shouting. “I don’t want to get hurt again… I, I need to just forget about you and move on. I’ll stop loving you eventually, you just need to leave and I can do it faster.” She knew she sounded stupid, and on top of that she was lying to his face. She didn’t want him to leave and she wouldn’t stop loving him, this much was obvious. At least, she thought it was.


Where did you go

How will you find yourself when your hand to hold is letting go

Where did you go

How will you tell yourself you're losing hope, losing hope


His gaze met hers and he grabbed her shoulders. She tried to pull away, but he wasn’t going to let her get away again. He wasn’t going to let her go. No, he couldn’t let her go so her tightened his grip. “I’m not leaving, I already told you this. I’m never leaving you again, I love you, Mikoto. I really do.”


I swear that you don't have to go

I thought we could wait for the fireworks

I thought we could wait for the snow

To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt

I thought I could live in your arms

And spend every moment I had with you

Stay up all night with the stars

Confess all the faith that I had in you


“Don’t say that,” she cried. “Don’t do this to me, I was just starting to accept that we were never going to be together and then you had to confess to me… Touma, I can’t do this anymore.” She pulled the boy closer to her, burying her face in his shirt. “I can’t not love you.” Her voice was muffled.


Too late, I'm sure and lonely

Another night, another dream wasted on you

Just be here now against me

You know the words, so sing along for me, baby


He was surprised, but not against it. He wrapped his arms around the brunette who seemed so frail in this moment. It was times like this that made him remember their past and how he had grown so close to Mikoto. He recalled the time when she had wanted to sacrifice herself for the sake of her “sisters” and how no matter how hard he tried, she wouldn’t let him help her. That was the first time he had seen her cry, the first time he had seen that she wasn’t as strong as she seemed. It was then that he decided to protect her from the harsh reality of Academy City even though he knew she wouldn’t back off. He just didn’t want to see that look on her face again and her she was, bawling her eyes out. And whose fault was that? His. It was all because of him. “I’m sorry, this is all my fault, isn’t it?”


For heaven's sake I know you're sorry

But you won't stop crying

This anniversary may never be the same

Inside I hope you know I'm dying

With my heart beside me

In shattered pieces that may never be replaced

And if I died right now you'd never be the same


She gripped Touma’s shirt, something about this comforted her when she was seemingly inconsolable. “You’re…” She was barely audible. “You’re so stupid, why didn’t you see that I loved you?” She let it all go, no more holding back. His shirt muted her screaming and wailing, but it still felt good to let out her lamentation. She felt him gingerly pat her head, but her mind was spinning and she didn’t remember much else. She had given in, her numb heart had began feeling again, yet love wasn’t alone, pain was it’s eternal partner. Pain was what love left behind, much like how she was what Touma left behind. At least he had come back for her. At least… At least…


I thought with a month of apart

Together would find us an opening

And moonlight would provide the spark

And that I would stumble across the key

Or break down the door to your heart

Forever could see us - not you and me

And you'd help me out of the dark

And I'd give my heart as an offering  


He held her closer than he ever did before as if doing so would ensure she would never slip away. While she cried, he kept her near since it was all he could do. At least he could be her for her now. At least… At least…


And I will always remember you as you are right now to me

And I will always remember you now, remember you now


The moments Touma embraced her were manipulated to feel like minutes, days, even weeks. They were precious, but were they enough to mend her shattered heart? Maybe, right now she didn’t care as long as he didn’t let her go.

I can't forget you

I know you want me to want you, I want to

But I can't forget you

So when this is over don't blow your composure, baby

I can't forget you

I know you want me to want you, I want to

But I can't forget you

So when this is over don't blow your composure

I can't forget you

I know you want me to want you, I want to






Submitted: November 12, 2015

© Copyright 2020 Biri Biri. All rights reserved.

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