Smoke... Cloud... Puff

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
The feeling that coursed through my body left me numb. But not numb forever because when I saw the coffin I felt the pain. I felt like I was dying.

Submitted: May 01, 2015

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Submitted: May 01, 2015

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A A A


“Who do you love?”

“…” I looked at the ground.

“C’mon answer.”

“I’m scared.”

“Never be scared.”

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It.was his birthday. My mom wouldn’t even leave her room. My sister was with her, trying to make her laugh. The other one was at work. She was more like me.

Yes I liked school and had big dreams, just like her. But I was bipolar. When I would go to school I would try my best to not flip. But I fit in with different people. Jocks, the popular crew, nerds, geeks, the “in between”, and the shy ones. They thought I had enough personality to fit in with each crowd… they didn’t know any better.

But at the end of the day I would go home. I barely talked but I was there, just in my own world. Every day we always had to go somewhere. The silent car rides made me feel like I was losing it. And sometimes I did and my mom would remind me that I could always go back on the pills.

I was diagnosed with anxiety, major depression, and bipolar disorder. They told me if I didn’t stop “self-harming” then I would go to The Junior Mental Hospital. It was two hours away and I wouldn’t be able to see my family for the first 6 months, the last 6 they thought I’d be stable enough to have that privilege. I promised to stop, so they agreed, but gave me pills.

I’d be knocked out, have hallucinations, or forget things.

I didn’t care if I had to forget, but things started getting really bad. I started seeing things and having nightmares. My mom understood. .She was diagnosed with major depression and was given similar pills. We made a deal. I wouldn’t have to take them but I’d have to control myself so people wouldn’t notice.

She cared about what other people thought. But I just didn’t want to be crazy. So I stopped taking them. I still saw things though.

 

That day I was on my balcony. I always used the ledge to climb up to my roof. I could still hear my mom’s cries… so I turned up my music. I was looking up at the night sky. I started laughing and sat up. Then I remembered him…

The way he always let me get my way. He’d come home from work, exhausted, and he would give me piggy back rides around the house until I would end up taking an early nap…

And I started crying.

But then I remembered him coming home late… way past my bedtime. I would hear the yelling and crashing. Those five times I went to go see my mom in the hospital and I would ask her what happened. She always responded with, “A monster caught up with me.” I always assumed it was some kind of tag. But then it was my birthday. I was waiting with my friends. I told them he was on his way. They fell asleep in their sleeping bags and I fell asleep next to the door. I never saw the candy in my princess piñata. I was so mad and ready to yell at him. Years later I found out that he wasn’t even in the country. He escaped to his hometown…

Just the memory ignited my body and the tears felt useless. So I picked up my phone.

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From: Juliette

To: Kyle

Hey

Sent: 9:22pm

 

From: Kyle

To: Juliette

Holy crap… Is this god? Or an angel?

Sent: 9:23pm

 

From: Juliette

To: Kyle

I need to get out of here

Sent: 9:24pm

 

From: Kyle

To: Juliette

Look down

Sent: 9:28pm

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“How did you get here so fast?”

“I have wings.”

I kept walking.

“I’m kidding… I actually like to go into the woods behind your house. My dad built me a tree house when I was 6 there because I loved the clearing of the trees.”

“So that’s where you lose yourself?”

“Hahaha.. Well yes. He left a hole in the roof so I could see the stars. But mostly because I can see you from there.”

We stopped and he pointed up.

“After you.”

 

"I want to try." 

"No." 

"No?"

"I don't want you to end up like me." 

So I would just watch. 

----------------------"He preferred helping her clutch the toilet, while he was up in the clouds."---------------------

He taught me ever thing there is to know. He told me about him, his past, and what he thought would be his future. We would run down the street. The left lane, wasted. The right lane, high. I could read him inside and out. So could he. But we also fought. It was mostly from the left lane.

One day we were sitting in the tree house. My head was on his lap and I looked up at the smoke. The smell of him calmed me. He opened his eyes.

He whispered, “I’m a ticking time bomb.”

“What?”

“Get out. Get out! I’ll.. I’ll only hurt you. I’d rather die than see you get hurt.”

He got up and left me lying on the floor. He went down the ladder and I followed him.

“Where are you going?”

“Go home!”

“No! No! That is just the high talking. You don’t really mean that.”

He stopped. He turned around and tears started falling.

“Don’t love a monster.”

“I love you.”

It took a second for him to answer.

He gulped and said, “I don’t.”

I could believe that. I refused to believe that.

“Then look me in the eye and tell me.”

He just turned around and left me standing in the rain.

We didn’t talk for about a week.

Eight days later I got a phone call. He died.

 

I ran out to the tree house. I refused to believe it. I sank into the mud where he left me standing. And I started screaming.

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“Who do you love?”

“…” I looked at the ground.

“C’mon answer.”

“I’m scared.”

“Never be scared.”

“I’m scared to love you.”

.

 

 

 

 


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