This Feeling...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Getting the frustrations out.
-Mariah.

Submitted: October 02, 2010

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Submitted: October 02, 2010

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I dislike this feeling, its like I'm trapped.

Trying to scratch, pull, and jump out of this hole, but my hands hurt, arms are too weak, and my legs want to give out.

A feeling strong enough to drive someone mad, cut his or her wrists, it can make a grown man cry.

How can you not feel after living with someone so long, who's supposed to be the father figure but screws up big time.

Not once, twice, but a billion times. Yes, that's being dramatic... but the things he did were unforgivable, caused enough pain for a big number.

I swear if things were different, different friends, family, heart... I promise I wouldn't be here. But I'm still here, wishing I could use an eraser to get these stupid memories out of my mind....

Actually, if I think about it, it's not my mind. Just because if it was my mind I'd be able to forget everything... not lose good childhood memories just so there's room for an asshole in majority of my thoughts.

If it was my mind, I wouldn't be having this feeling. In my mind I'd have already forgiven this retarded man for hurting me the way he did.

I would have forgiven my mom for letting it go on so long, my brother for not being the older sibling, and the rest of my family for not stepping up and showing their sister what pain she has caused her 'baby', or so I thought I was.

Because it's not my mind I'm to sit here and think about all the abuse in my past, being least favourite to my brother, slaving my self everyday so they would at least give me a smile for doing something right, according to them.

In the end... I'm wondering why I bitch about this low life loser, who can't treat a lady like my mother with respect, do fun sports with his son, treat his daughter like a girl. but as we all know, life isn't what you want, or need, it's what you make of it. So one day, I'm going to make sure I drop this feeling and make sure everyone close to me doesn't feel it.


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