Thoughtless actions of a man

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
The short story of rape

Submitted: July 03, 2015

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Submitted: July 03, 2015

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I heard that in order to forgive someone there is no need to talk to them so it said that I could write a confrontation I don't know how else to confront this. it's s been two years almost 3 and I still feel the pain The anger the feeling of nothing was done for me there was no justice he wasn't punished and i, I had to live with the burden and the trauma of rape. It's funny how when you're raced l without older men around you, you become so trusting like nothing can go wrong and then when you're in environment  changes And when you are the most  burnable the father figure comes into your life and you think "everything Will be alright" because the most important thing that was missing from your life it's now present. you Love him just like he was your dad. thinking how The first man that you ever give your love to and not a sinful type of love but the pure love of a child. you trust him. you know he has issues like sometimes the drinks a little too much or he's not careful with the things that he says but you don't care. to you he's perfect. And your childish mind you thinks he would never hurt you, he loves you so much and you love him back. what happens when the father figure crutches your trust? maybe he hits you  or maybe like to me, he takes advantage of the innocent  love of a child he makes you feel comfortable, he makes you feel love, like you belong. the moment you let your guard down; he attacks in your head you're thinking is not right but you're confused what's that tingling feeling when he touches you? I know this is wrong but he would never do something to hurt me, right? Then after having a discussion with yourself about what he's doing about the way he's touching you, you realize this isn't right, you snap out of it only to realize his hand has gone down your pants, you're scared and your eyes start to tear up, you trying to get him to stop but he won't listen you're trying to Defend yourself. he's so much bigger than you and he overpowers you. with your last bit of strength you try to run away again this time he lets you go. You're  scare you feel dirty, guilty. he's gone  off to bed and you are left crying. You go to the shower trying to scrape the feeling of you but it doesn't go away.f you get out of the shower still feeling dirty, you run to your room thinking you might be able to sleep but you can't The thought of him coming to your room it's terrifying. you stay awake all night crying. in the morning you leave earlier than normal just so you don't have to see his face. the whole day you feel like you are going to cry, and that's not where it ends you try telling the authorities but they don't believe you. he's left unpunished which makes a rage  towards your on life grow, to a point where you no longer want to be alive. you are so hurt so angry that all of this blinds you to the joy of life so you're left in the darkness of that event. if you are as unlucky as I was weeks and months after the event you start dreaming about it, the slightest memory of him breaks you down in fear, and let's say like me you got therapy and "worked trough" all the troubles this brought to your life. you think you're cured, but no, you no longer trust older men. you are terrified of being left alone with a grown man and when you think of that night it brings you to tears. Now you know you aren't cured and how much all the hate is damaging your life, finally someone tells you it will be a lot easier if you just let it go and forgive but how after 3 years of pain because of the thoughtless actions of one man. how are you suppose to forgive. I want to forgive but I don't know how. 


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