im sorry self .

falling for you even though i know it will never work but it didnt matter to me as long as i knew i had you i thought it didnt matter. the distance didnt matter . the heat ache knowing you couldnt hold me,knowing that somebody else could capture heart in a instant made me want to die.. I knew everything that came with fallling for you, i just didnt want to excpet it at all. I though if i hid from it it would never come up but once again i knew i was lying to myself with that.

I opend my self up to you,for some reason i let you in, when i pushed you away you were so fast to pull me back in and tell me not to push away because you cared so much and didnt want to loose me.most nights when i didnt talk to you i felt like i had lost every part of me. you were the first person i had fallen for after "him". you made me want to belive in love again, you made me want to belive in so much.. i told myself to to get to attached because of the distance because i knew i would only get myself hurt but no I fooled myself .. like i always do . im such a fool im a such a dumb ass for thinking that we could ever work out together,

My mind is the fool,my heart is falling to my feet and my eyes are crying, i wanted us so bad.. feels like you were ripped away from me. Happens everytime i like somebody.. now you are another person i can add to my list of people who have now and will be leaving my life . i knew i should have pushed away in the beginning of this all. because now i am the one with tears falling so fast i cant stop,the one who is drinking it away so the feelings will go away so i dont have to feel the pain of this all . im the one who is looking up to sky and askign why , why did i do this to myself once again ..

I dont blame you for anything at all, i balme me and only me .

I dont have any more words to describe what im feeling .. im so upset i have so much to say but the words arnt coming out of my mouth like i want them to ..

This hurts more that the first time i ever got heart broken .. i dont even know why i try anymore .. i loved you so much .. i knew we both werent ready for a realtionship we talked about that.. but how come because she wants to try and make it work you're going to try .. i know you said you told it it wasnt anything serious between you and her but still .. you have no idea how bad the words of you asking if it was okay you said yes cut my heart like knifes and how bad of saying yes go ahead made me cringe more than anything in the world ..

where do I go from here...

I just dont know .. just shows me that i was rite about finding someone ..

A/N do not comment on my spelling or grammer in this i am well aware of it and how bad it is .. i feel to bad to go back and re check everyting .. im sorry..