Basically i was in a dark time when i wrote this poem. I made a lot of choices that were wrong and nobody was there for me to help me through it.

 

 Silence

The silence in the room was deafening

All of my friends are dead to me

I have made my mistakes

But I have found out which of my friends were fakes

 

I sit in this room with a million thoughts in my mind

How could I have been so blind?

I look outside to try and clear my thoughts

In my stomach lies a million knots

 

All I have is my little brother

Along with my dad and my own mother

I am starting to feel deathly ill

I just want to lay here, and I want to be still

 

I am now deaths assistant

I no longer live in your existence

In death I have been enrolled

The barrel to my head was so very cold


Submitted: February 14, 2013

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Comments

Bert Broomberg

It really is a dark poem, but that's okay. Perhaps, I have got a useful tip. Using rhyme is great fun, but aa bb cc ee etc. usually doesn't do a lot for a poem that's longer than just a couple of lines. By using another pattern the whole thing becomes more lively. It's just something to think about when writing the next poem. It could be that you don't agree with me at all. Nevertheless, I liked this poem.

Thu, February 14th, 2013 8:16pm

Matthew D. Hay (Tangible Word)

Loved this poem, quite dark and angsty, but I loved it nevertheless xD Excellent rhyme scheme :D AMazing flow :D

Thu, February 14th, 2013 8:47pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much! I'm loving the feedback i get from this site! It helps to get feedback to know what needs to be worked on! :D

Fri, February 15th, 2013 8:05am

smircle

I liked the poem but the rhyming was a little off. But I'm not much of a poet, so I can't be telling you what's right and wrong and what not. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. Yeah, it sounds good when it does, but it doesn't need to to be a poem.
It was a good poem though! :)

Sat, February 16th, 2013 6:47pm

ashi17

Dark, anger and disappointment could be sense in the emotions of this poem.... Good work!

Tue, February 26th, 2013 3:39pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much! :)

Tue, March 19th, 2013 7:19pm

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