Ebony Black and the Seven Vertically Challenged Aliens

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A parody on Snow White, with a distinct alien feel!

Submitted: November 04, 2011

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Submitted: November 04, 2011

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There was once a girl called Ebony Black, who lived with her father, Trevor, in a cottage on the outskirts of a big city. Her mother had died when Ebony was 5 years old, and her father had remarried a woman called Justina, who hated Ebony because she was black-skinned, like her mother had been before her.

 

One day, Justina, who had complete control of Trevor’s mind, said to him:

“That despicable daughter of yours, she stole one of my diamond and pearl necklaces! I want her dead!” Trevor knew that Ebony was jealous of his love for Justina, and, although deep down he knew that Ebony would never steal anything, he believed that Ebony had stolen Justina’s necklace.

 

“I will do as you command, o beloved one,” he told his spouse. Justina gave him a cold smirk.

“When you have killed her, I want you to bring me back her nose, as proof you have done the deed.”

 

So, the next day, Trevor took his daughter out for a walk in the woods. His mind was absorbed in his thoughts, and he didn’t notice that his daughter had slipped into the shadows. His head snapped up, and he looked around for her, but couldn’t see her coal-black skin amongst the shadows. He panicked about what his wife would do to him, and then came up with a bright idea.

 

“Ebony!” he yelled. “Ebony! Never come back home, or your stepmother will force me to kill you! Stay away!” Then he turned, and rushed back to his house. Before he met his wife, he made a nose out of black plasticine. He handed it to Justina, and she popped it in her mouth.

“Mmm, scrumptious!” she smacked her lips together. Trevor rushed to the toilet, to be violently sick.

 

During this time, Ebony had taken her father’s advice, and hadn’t returned home. Instead, she headed into the city, wondering around aimlessly, until she came across a building, in the shape of a flying saucer, called the Spaceship Bar. A poster on the side of the building proclaimed:

“The Seven Purple Aliens looking for lead singer! Auditions inside!”

 

Ebony decided that she might as well have a try, although she had never sung in her life. Once inside, the sight of seven purple aliens confronted her. She looked at them, and exclaimed:

“Oh, but you’re dwarves!” The ‘tallest’ purple alien (who only came up to her hip, and Ebony was only 5ft), glared at her, and squeaked:

“We’re not dwarves; we’re vertically challenged!”

 

Ebony raised an elegant eyebrow at him, but nodded in agreement anyway. When her time finally came to audition, she stole the show. Every note was sung to perfection, and no one could match her voice or pitch. She got the job at once.

About 3 months later, Ebony and the Purple Things had been at the top of the charts for a solid 6 weeks. They had their first live concert that night, and purple posters had completely covered the city. This was how Justina came to hear the Ebony was still alive.

 

She was furious. Firstly, she locked her husband in the cramped cupboard under the sink, and then she donned the disguise of Hal, the sexy singer that Ebony had a crush on. Justina had heard that Hal was going to the concert because he was in love with Ebony’s voice, so Justina knew it was a practically perfect disguise.

 

That night, Justina arrived at the Spaceship Bar, and demanded to be introduced to Ebony. She was instantly allowed backstage, and she smiled at her clever scheme. She had covered her lips with poisoned lip-gloss, and she had already taken the antidote, so it wouldn’t harm her.

 

She reached Ebony’s dressing room, and knocked. The door was flung open instantly, and there Ebony stood, wearing a sparkling silver dress, that contrasted completely with her dark skin. There was a huge grin on Ebony’s face, and as she opened her mouth to say something, Justina kissed her. Instantly, she fell to the floor.

 

Justina knew that, for Ebony to survive, she would have to be kissed by her one true love within the hour, or she would never wake. At that moment, the real Hal swept sexily into the room. He raised an enquiring eyebrow at Justina, who muttered:

“Fanatical fan,” before legging it from the room.

 

The purple aliens all piled into Ebony’s dressing room, and wailed when they saw her lying lifeless on the floor. The fattest alien turned to Hal, and cried:

“You must kiss her, sir, to bring her back to life!” Hal gave him a dirty look.

“One, that wasn’t in the job description, and two, nobody told me she was black!” The aliens looked at him in stunned silence.

 

“But, sir, the posters…” Hal moved menacingly towards the aliens.

“You think I’ve got nothing better to do than look at posters! I hate black people! If I’d known she was black I would never have come!” Hal turned on his black button shoe-heel, and stormed from the room.

 

And so it was that Ebony Black was buried, and the seven purple aliens flew off in their spaceship, leaving Hal to be burned at the stake by people who were against racism, and Trevor to die of dehydration in the cupboard. Only Justina lived happily ever after, when she found a very rich man, who had no children and who was, in this politically correct climate, what could only be termed as ‘ethnically demotivated’.


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