Ghostishocks and the Three Scares

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
My version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Reader discretion advised: contents frequent references to drugs.

Submitted: November 04, 2011

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Submitted: November 04, 2011



Once upon a time, there were three bears called Brother Bear, Sister Bear, and Adopted Bear. The two oldest bears weren’t actually siblings, they were married, but when they got married they had been high on LSD, so had signed their names as Brother and Sister Bear. Adopted Bear’s real name was Belly-Button Fluff (Brother and Sister Bear had been drunk when they named him), but he preferred pretending he was adopted. He didn’t want anyone to think he was related to his parents, as they were wanted criminals, for the crime of nicking thousands of pounds worth of cannabis off a policeman (though the policeman wasn’t supposed to have it either).

Anyway, the three bears lived in a glass ball under the sea, in the lost (and found again) city of Atlantis. One day, while they were waiting for their Pop Tarts in boiled orange juice to cool, they went for a swim. (Brother and Sister Bear were in disguise so they didn’t get caught.)

After they had gone, their next-door neighbour, Ghostishocks, floated into their house. Ghostishocks had once been a very pretty girl called Goldilocks, but after she accidentally electrocuted herself (and her Physics teacher) at school, her appearance had changed entirely. Her hair was out on stalks, her eyes were yellow and bloodshot, and she was addicted to drugs, so everyone called her Ghostishocks.

“Hey, this isn’t the black market!” she exclaimed. (She also had a crap sense of direction.) She found the bowls of breakfast, and she had the munchies, so she started to eat out of the biggest bowl, but there wasn’t enough orange juice in it. She tried some out of the middle bowl, but there was too much orange juice in it. She tasted some out of the smallest bowl, and it was just right, so she ate it all up. She then puked it all back up, due to bleach poisoning.

Her throat was on fire, so she pulled out all the heroin she had on her, and injected it, to try to help her ignore the pain. It made it worse. She ran round the house, screaming swears at the top of her voice. She found some weed, and smoked it, which helped her calm down.

When the pain had died down to a level that she wasn’t seeing ten of everything, she looked around the room she was in. She found there was three chairs, a plasma screen TV, a huge fridge (full of Thunder Fist cider), and a huge fish tank… with sharks in it.

Ghostishocks decided she needed a sit down after the traumatic events of the morning, so she flopped down in the biggest chair, but it was way too hard. She sat down in the middle chair, and almost disappeared from sight, due to the large amount of cushions on the chair. She sat down on the smallest chair, and it was just right, except…

She jumped up quickly, and stared ruefully down at her butt. It was full of pins. She then caught sight of the chair, and decided it needed wrecking. Half an hour and many pins in the hands later, all that was left of the chair was a smallish pile of wood.


Ghostishocks was now feeling a wee bit tired due to all the drugs, so she decided to find a bed, and go to the black market later. She wasn’t stupid, and, after past experiences with the furniture, she went straight to the smallest. Gingerly checking for pins, she finally convinced herself it was safe, so she got into bed and went straight to sleep.

As her snores started, the three bears returned from their swim. Brother and Sister Bear had had to change disguise because they had stolen some diamonds, got caught in the act, and in their hurry to escape, their disguises had slipped, and somebody had recognised them.

The two oldest bears noticed nothing wrong with their breakfasts, but Adopted Bear noticed something wrong with his.
“Um… my breakfast tastes like vomit,” he whinged.
The two other bears ignored him, so Adopted Bear gulped down his breakfast, grimacing every so often.

The three bears went into the living room, to watch the Jeremy Kyle show, followed by the Ashes. Brother and Sister Bear noticed nothing wrong with their seats, but Adopted Bear noticed something wrong with his.
“Um… my chairs been destroyed, and my pins displaced,” he moaned.
The two other bears ignored him, so Adopted Bear sat down on the pile of wood that used to be his seat, sulking the whole time.

However, the older bears started to listen to him when they found their weed missing. Unfortunately for Goldilocks, a packet of Fairy Dust in her pocket had split, and the three bears found the Dust easily. They followed the trail to their bedroom, where they gathered round Adopted Bear’s bed. They noticed nothing wrong with any of the other beds, but they all noticed something wrong with the smallest one.

“Um… my bed has been taken over by a disgusting girl, who’s ugly, looks like she’s been electrocuted and zombified, is covered with sick, has pins in her back side, and has a bit of weed sticking out of her mouth,” complained Adopted Bear, throwing back his duvet to reveal Ghostishocks to his parents.

She snored at them, and the smell of weed drifted towards Brother Bear. It was too much for him, and he lifted Ghostishocks above his head as if she was a feather, and threw her out the window. Unluckily for the two older bears, the police saw their faces glaring at Ghostishocks through the open window, and they broke into the house to arrest them. Adopted Bear was really adopted this time, and his name was changed from Belly-Button Fluff to Bob.

Unfortunately for Ghostishocks, she happened to land on an anemone when she was thrown out of the open window, which poisoned her even more, and it also woke her up. Rubbing a very sore bum, she went to the black market straight away to buy a load of cocaine to combat all the poisoning.

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