paragon

Reads: 406  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

after a long search for true love, ive found. she doesnt know it yet

Paragon

 

I give thanks to you my lord,

For my prayers have not gone unheard.

You hope back into my life.

You made what seem imposable possible.

 

My days are long and cold,

Filled with disappointment and stress,

A dog fighting with a cat a cigarette burned to the filter.

My life goes on a striate line.

 

A sign,

I step off the line.

Out of direction,

A new life unfolds.

 

We shall live as one.

Yet concur as two.

 

In so little time there is much that can be learned.

Time the carrier of our future,

Time holds the answers that I look for,

Time is precious and gold.

 

When will the words slip from my mouth.

 

A rainbow ahead,

clouds behind,  

superstition left for the dead.

true love in thy mind.

 

Her face simple,

Proportional,

Beautiful.

 

Her mind dignified,

Purified.

 

Her eyes made time seized to exist.

My mind relaxed.

My beats soft,

My body no longer tense.  


Submitted: May 19, 2007

© Copyright 2021 brandoncobalt. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Mousey

This was a decent poem. Keep practicing.

Sat, May 19th, 2007 9:36pm

EdwardJBradleySr

brandoncobalt:

Gave it "5" stars for effort as well as choice and treatment of theme. Most inspirational. Serving the best purpose of poetry.

Misspellings detract from the presentation. Leaving out or misconjugating crucial verbs detracts as well.
This cuts into your readership and keeps your message from reaching the greatest number.

Using the same word (or it's root) more than once should be avoided. Most times.

Some examples:

Verse 1, Lines 3 & 4

You (brought) hope back into my life.

You made what seem(ed) imposable(impossible) possible.

In some verses there seems to be a rhyming scheme but not in others.

My opinion:

The best poetry makes use of one or more rhyming schemes. In the last word of each or of corresponding lines. Within a verse or between verses. Reading the work of others can help you to identify this, how it is done, organized and presented.

Good effort. For the 1st time out.

Good luck for the future.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Sat, May 19th, 2007 11:18pm

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