Forgive me Mama, for the sake of our love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
I was a horrible child to my step-mother who raised me. I blamed her for my sadness. Now I'm grown and am asking her for forgiveness.

Submitted: April 29, 2014

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Submitted: April 29, 2014

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I've been searching hard 
for all the answers,
I've searched high and low,
I've searched through my tired soul,
My heart stays wounded,
like from a shooting bow.

I wonder and finally ask,
why did I choose so hard, 
Destined choice to be an ass?
I sting myself like a little dart,

I die each day with guilt I own,
it is my daily task.
To feel your love, don't you know,
is not that easy for me to ask.

I miss you my dear mama,
oh how I do crave you so.
I long for your loving glance,
so my heart will be able to dance.

Guilt is something I feel -not glee,
So please mama, please mama,
Please set me free, 
please help me.

I know I'm the one I punish, 
causing me to feel all our hurt.
Sometimes all I wish to do, 
is crawl deeply under the dirt.

Your strong and not mild,
I love you so very much,
I'm like a little baby child,
always needing your touch.

I'm sorry for being hateful you see,
I'm sorry I wasn't a good daughter.
I'm sorry for being a rough little me,
and I'm so sorry I made you holler.

It's myself that I've made 
to feel all our pain, 
but somehow one day, 
I will for sure be insane.

Why, I wonder.
I chose to use a mean tongue,
My attitude was like singing
a ungrateful mean song.

I can't begin to tell you,
with words how I'm grateful, 
it was you who stood through it 
and raised me to be faithful.

Now I'm an adult and I realize,
Growing sicker in my mind,
I spun my little web, 
I spun too many lies.

I didn't lead by example, 
not even for a day.
Yet my sisters quickly learned,
by simply watching me,
out of trouble they would stay.

So, my younger sisters,
they couldn't understand.
Why did Brandy seem to always,
have her head stuck in sand?

And after my bad behaviors,
I deserved what came next,
Spankings and my groundings,
I still always refused to be at my best.

I wonder why I didn't learn,why?
I refused to understand, I just cried,
spankings are what I needed, so heated.
I got them because I was bad, oh how I lied.

At the time of my childhood,
I had no clue and couldn't understand.
I was learning family values,
how to take care of a home,
to care for kids and a man.

You said to me more than once,
"May your own daughter do you the same",
I don't understand and have no idea.
But Kara is so good to me, 
she is so perfect, so brilliant and tame.

It is unfair why she is so good to me, 
this I obviously didn't really deserve,
unlike me, she will be successful,
and she does really well to learn.

It was you that didn't deserve it.
Mom, it was you I was so mean to.
The constant trouble, like a bad dent,
me on your nerves and sticking like glue.

So now all I want, is to regret less.
I crave deeply within my heart,
from you, your forgiveness,
So that our hearts won't be apart.

It's not easy for me to ask for this,
my pride stands in the way.
I myself as well as you,
were unfortunately being blamed.

Tormenting my mind, myself I haunt,
I've live it just about everyday.
Can you imagine how I felt once,
you had forgiven me 1 year ago, in May?

I wonder how long it will take,
to allow your forgiveness to flood my heart.
Can you understand sweet mama,
it's my heart I cannot make?

I really don't know,
I don't have a clue.
God once told me,
that it's myself I have to forgive,
or I will forever be doomed.

Please believe when I say,
I've forgiven you easily,
I just can't forgive myself.
Hopefully I can one day.

When I was a child,
I thought you had done me wrong.
Now I know I was truly wrong,you see.
You raised me the best you could,

This is the only truth.
As my mental state grows unstable,
I hope to one day believe,
That I can forget and be more healthy.

I dream one day and hope that,
we'll sing together a tune.
We'll sing about our special love 
And my love for the good mother I choose,
you.


© Copyright 2020 Brandy Jean Cassady. All rights reserved.

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