You Must Not Repeat the Past during the Future

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a story from my past about a magician.

Submitted: February 19, 2014

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Submitted: February 19, 2014

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You Must Not Repeat the Past during the Future

 

I remember growing up a couple of years ago hearing ads on the radio and seeing ads on the television about a repairman who claimed he could fix anything. Naturally around town he became somewhat of a celebrity, because as advertised he could fix anything.

 

Old man McKenzie turned on his television only to hear the audio even though the man who could fix anything had fixed it a few years previously. After hitting the top of his television a few times with a frying pan full of oats; in the process getting oats all over the living room, the picture still did not come on. So he opened the back of it up* which to his surprise a beautiful assistant stepped out. He almost had a heart attack not only because the beautiful woman was inside of his television set but also because she was six feet tall and the television was only nineteen inches when the screen is measured.

 

Practically the same thing happened to Sandra who lived down the block from me. Her toaster that was recently fixed all of a sudden stopped working, so naturally she unplugged it and pushed down on the toasting button and within five seconds two rabbits came popping out of the top of the toaster. She was more mad than ever because she figured it is going to cost her more money to take care of the two rabbits over the next ten or so years than it would be to buy a new toaster.

 

Now over the course of a week there was somewhere in the ballpark of twenty people’s things that stopped working by this so called “King of Fixing Things”. His name as a I recall was “The Great Gibbertini” now why anyone would trust a guy with that name to fix the most precious of your home appliances is still a mystery to me.

 

I became frustrated with how people were being ripped off by this guy so I did a little bit of research and as it turns out “The Great Gibbertini” is a former magician who used to work for a circus in Wyoming but was fired for leaving the gorilla cage open thus turning every citizen of Wyoming into gorilla chasers for a day. I started to get word out to all of his disgruntled customers who proceeded to form a mob of about one hundred people.

 

The following weekend we decided to storm the former magician’s store to give him what was coming to him. Once we all arrived he came outside of his store and said, “What is the meaning of all this?” all the while twisting his mustache and letting his cape flow in the wind. “All of the stuff you fixed is now broken.” Old man McKenzie said in an angry tone. “We want you to give us all our hard earned money back.” The former magician thought for a second then replied, “I have a better idea.” He closed his eyes, reached into his pocket and pulled out a magic wand and yelled at the top of his lungs, “Abra Cadabra!”

 

“The Great Gibbertini” slowly opened his eyes expecting to see the crowd of one hundred gone and in another dimension, but they were all still standing there staring at him. “Grab him!” Sandra yelled to her fellow mob members. Old man McKenzie grabbed the fraud magician from behind and one by one, myself included, punched “The Great Gibbertini” in the stomach. In the process his lunch money got stolen.

 

The moral of this story is: If you have superpowers that’s fine, but if you don’t please don’t lie and say you do.

 

*This first-time author does not condone opening the back of a television set, it is dangerous. One of my friends tried it and he got shocked, his hair still stands straight up to this day ten years later.


© Copyright 2019 Brian A Garber. All rights reserved.

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