B-Movie Review - Chupacabera Terror (2005)

Reads: 1530  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 2

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

The legendary creature known as Chupacabera (Goat Sucker) is stowed away on a luxury cruise liner using the crew, passengers, special forces team members, and just about anything else as food to ease his insatiable appetite. Also, he’s in a bad mood, but of course, so would you if you had a handle like goat sucker.

Chupacabera Terror (2005)

John Shepphird
The Main Players
John Rhys-Davies
Captain Randolph
Dylan Neal
Chelan Simmons
Jenny (Randolph)
Giancarlo Esposito
Dr. Peña
David Millbern
Rick McGraw
The legendary creature known as Chupacabera (Goat Sucker) is stowed away on a luxury cruise liner using the crew, passengers, special forces team members, and just about anything else as food to ease his insatiable appetite.Also, he’s in a bad mood, but of course, so would you if you had a handle like goat sucker. 
I love movies and I get right into them.Even better, I love a good monster movie where the monster is as much a mystery to the characters, as how much blood the human body can hold is to the production team.This is a low budget right to video special, and when you have that kind of budget there isn’t much chance you can afford to rent a massive cruise ship.In fact, it would be a safe bet that locations, equipment, and props for this one are taken right from the begged, borrowed or stolen category.Other than second unit shots, you can guarantee this production team had to work a lot of magic.They likely spent a lot of time dressing up locations, arranging deceptive shots and camera angles to make you think, without a doubt, the characters are dining at the Captain’s table and not table six of the Chippewa Room, at the Motel 6.Or, I guess they should have.
Like I said, I get into the movie and a lot of the time I don’t see all those goofs and mistakes people love to point out.You know the person watching with you demands to know why the guy is suddenly holding his drink in the other hand.I just never see that stuff, but when you are supposed to be on a mighty cruise ship talking to the Captain, the grass on the sand dune behind him should not be taller than him.Here’s a list of just a few of the glaring mistakes you will see:
  • A scene depicting the exciting pool life on the ship which is obviously a beach.
  • People engaged in a tough round of shuffleboard on asphalt probably behind a 7-11 in South Central LA.
  • The cement cargo hold of the ship that looks a lot like a storage facility.
  • Jenny teaching Tae Bo on the ship with a large picture window behind her showing the breakers crashing into the shore line (must be one of those ships you drive on land).
Yes, all that entertainment, and in the first 10 minutes of the film, but it would be unfair to let the bad sets take all the credit.The acting is responsible for a lot of Chupa in this one.
John Rhys-Davies, you poor soul, did you get nailed with DUI in Floridaand this was part of your community service sentence?Oh how the mighty have fallen.John was in Raiders of the Lost Ark, and all Lord of the Ringsmovies.How did he wind up in this with actors we’ve never heard of, and probably won’t ever again.But there is an important lesson to be learned here.When you see John on the screen, he leaves you with no doubt as to who knows how to act and who just showed up for the buffet.Perhaps the worst offender here is David Millbern who plays Rick McGraw, the over the top gigolo would be cat burglar.There can be no possible way Millbern took his role seriously unless he is mentally disturbed, and that still wouldn’t make up for his performance.Now and then, you find yourself cheering for the monster, but rarely do you chant, “Kill him!Kill him!” every time a certain character comes on screen; Millbern is the exception.
Millbern isn’t the only actor here to test your imagination and stretch it to the snapping point; he’s just the most consistent at it.The team of over weight and out of shape Special Forces guys do a pretty good job of trying to upstage him.They don’t look very capable and they don’t disappoint.I guess their special tactic is to wander around letting themselves be picked off one by one while their boss and the Captain watch it on the security cameras like a pay per view event.The Chupacabera is keenly astute for a murderous blood sucking creature, because even though it kills the fat guys, it’s careful not to eat them because of what I imagine to be cholesterol concerns. 
Is there a moral to this story?If there is, I can’t figure it out.I don’t want to give too much away, because I really want you to watch this one and see for yourself; besides why should I be the only one to suffer.But, back on track, the moral would have to be something a character learned along the way in this classic.I’d have to say the character of Dr. Pena who was the person who worked most of his life to search out the Chupacabera, capture it, and bring it back for science to study; plus end his tenure as laughing stock.I guess Pena learned that no mater how hard you try, sometimes life just Chupas.
Watch The Trailer
Lessons Learned:
  • If an AK47 can’t stop it, a cargo net will.
  • Blood sucking monsters are not team players.
  • An anorexic Tae Bo instructor can be more effective than bullets.
  • Sometimes your best insurance is an insurance salesman.

Submitted: April 28, 2019

© Copyright 2023 Brian P Baldwin. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:



Awww! poor Gimli, son of groin? or is that son of Gloin, or some such weird made up Dwarvish name Yes! John Ryhs Davies has been in some classic movies, he has also been in some classic shite ones as well!

Another sterling review, good job.

Sun, April 28th, 2019 3:10pm

Facebook Comments

More Non-Fiction Articles

Boosted Content from Premium Members

Poem / Religion and Spirituality

Book / Action and Adventure

Short Story / Non-Fiction

Book / Religion and Spirituality

Other Content by Brian P Baldwin