B-Movie Review - Nude on the Moon (1961)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Two aspiring scientist/astronauts are able to bring their dream of travelling to the moon to fruition thanks to the timely inheritance of a dead uncle, and when they get to the moon their wildest fantasies become reality; sort of.

Submitted: September 24, 2018

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Submitted: September 24, 2018

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B movies are always fun, but they aren’t always entertaining.  Sometimes the planets line up just right, (this is more prevalent within the Sci-Fi genre which makes up a large part of B movies) the wind blows in just the right direction, and we get to see how the feeble have tried so hard to fail so miserably.  If that’s what you seek?  Look no further than this serious failure which helped change the way I looked upon bad movies.  I used to think that some of these films were created under the sublime intention as a form of punishment for the youngsters of my generation.  But after watching this one, I pondered for hours what I could have done to deserve 83 minutes of punishment known as Nude on The Moon, because when I was ten it would have seemed awesome.
Nude on the Moon
 
Directors
Raymond Phelan
Doris Wishman
The Main Players
 
Marietta (I)
Cathy/Moon Goddess
William Mayer
Professor
Lester Brown
Dr. Jeff Huntley
Ira Magee
Any guess
 
 
Synopsis: 
Two aspiring scientist/astronauts are able to bring their dream of travelling to the moon to fruition thanks to the timely inheritance of a dead uncle, and when they get to the moon their wildest fantasies become reality; sort of.
 
Review:
The professor and Jeff are a couple of fun loving Florida scientists dreaming of going to the moon.  Sure they could embark upon challenging careers with NASA and claw their way to the top of the heap in the hopes of being chosen for a moon mission; but hey why wait for all that crap.  They’ve been working on building their own moon rocket and when Jeff arrives to deliver the sad, but great news about his rich uncle’s demise they have the one thing lacking in their plans; enough money to finish their rocket.  The old guy was loaded leaving Jeff just over 3 million and that’s more than enough to get their little science project off the ground.
Now I don’t know if there was some sort of impound fee or storage bill for their rocket, but the much needed funds send them right from the lab to the cockpit in minutes and they are on their way.  The arrival to their spaceship and subsequent takeoff is perhaps one of the funnies moments in cinema.  That is of course, until we get to ride along with them and watch their hilarious in flight conversation conducted over microphones and headsets when they are quite literally inches from each other. I have to admit they put a lot of effort into this part and it’s probably the best acting of the film.  The exciting climax of their journey is the moment they both pass out opening the possibility of a dream sequence.
Jeff and the Prof wake up after they land and they are quite comfortable with assuming the ship just seems to have landed without their help.  They immediately venture out to investigate the wonders of the moon.  You will be amazed at what passes for space suits on this mission which seems to be entirely equipped by Mattel.  They are shocked at how earth like the moon is with all the trees and ferns getting in the way of their search for craters.  To be more accurate, the moon seems to share a lot of similarity with South Florida which also just happens to be where most of the movie was shot.  They do remark on how surprising similarity is, but don’t seem to be all that excited about the huge garden wall blocking their path.
Jeff and the Prof take turns helping each other climb up and peer over the wall watching the moon people at play.  That’s right!  Moon people or more accurate, topless moon people are frolicking in the lovely moon gardens worshiping their queen as she sits upon a marble throne.  It seems Jeff and the Prof have discovered that even on the moon size matters.  The queen is sporting a seriously commanding set of DD coronation tiaras that get places long before she does.  Her bust is the only thing in this film temporarily suspending disbelief giving the illusion that the lack of sagging could actually be due to the lower gravity of the moon. In fact, if you think about it, this film could very well be the inspiration for the long time trend towards breast augmentation in show business.  Aspiring actors, directors, and producers must have looked to this film wondering how this stinker could have come to be.  When you watch it, you’ll see an amazing pair of answers staring right back at you.
 
Lessons Learned:
  • A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there were perverts.
  • You don’t need a space suit on the moon but a heavy gage underwire bra would come in handy.
  • In space no one can hear you lactate.
  • At least we now know why those Apollo guys had trouble walking when they got back.

If you have a suggestion for an old bad Sci-Fi or Horror film you'd like to see a review on, please put in a comment and I will do my best to get it done.  BPB


© Copyright 2020 Brian P Baldwin. All rights reserved.

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