An open letter.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
This an open letter it it also in places kind of flows as a a poem, so I have filed it under miscellaneous as I didn't know where it fits.

Submitted: July 26, 2015

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Submitted: July 26, 2015

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A A A


This is an open letter, an apology, and a thank you.

The person this letter is for will mostly likely never read it.

I blamed you, I blamed you for my own defects, I told you I was strong and that I could face the inevitable, I lied because I knew it would buy me more time with you.

I’m not strong, that was made clear when my heart literally broke after it all went wrong.

Not just emotionally but physically also, it really did nearly break, you hear of couples who die within a few days of each other because when one goes the other literally dies of a broken heart it really is a medical condition, although cannot be proved.

I blamed you, I wanted to hate you.

Because for me it would have been easier, I know if I really was strong I could have maintained you in my life, but I had to destroy every trace of you, every memory, how could I sit back and watch as the woman who had made me so happy, who I was so deeply in love with moved on.

I couldn’t do that for me the pain would have been too great.

That person I was when we met and the person I became when we were together, that was my favourite version of me.

 The person I became afterwards I did not know, I was a stranger to myself, gradually I have become better, but I am still a shadow of my former self.

I should never have depended on someone else for my happiness, it was my mistake.

I did not know it was possible to be so happy until I met you though, and that’s what I have to live with knowing that I will never be so happy again.

I wish I could be your friend, but it’s an impossibility, to need someone who doesn’t need me.

I wanted to be angry I wanted to say that you were shallow and callous and that you used me.

But you were confused and you told me, I didn’t want false hope, I wanted you to be my wife, my lover, my friend, for the rest of eternity or until the end.

I wondered today if I had proposed when we were so in love with each other, but that would have been crazy to ask you to marry me after we had only known each other a couple of weeks, but maybe just maybe it would have saved me and saved us.

I worried that I am getting old now and that I will die alone, I wanted you to be my partner in crime, not for a month, for a lifetime.

You were the girl of my dreams, you were perfect, you had everything.

Your life was so organised, mine was a mess.

I wanted to become whatever you wanted.

I’m sorry for the things I said, I was trying to hate you, trying to get you out of my head.

Three months later and I’m still yet to shed a tear, I know I can’t because if I start I will never stop.

I hope one day you will see this and understand, you will see that everything I have written since you are still my inspiration.

I have a good heart, even if it is hard to believe after the way I acted.

I can’t beg for a second chance.

You were right I overreacted.

If I was strong enough to really let you go, but I’m not I’m insecure and I’m sorry I let it show

My friends and I nicknamed you Voldemort as I couldn’t bring myself to say your name

So we called you she who will not be named

So here goes, I will say it out loud because I no longer care who knows

Patricia I loved you, sometimes I think I still do.

I will never have a love like that again.

But it’s impossible to go from lovers to friends.

I’m sorry for everything I said, thank you for the hope you gave me, even if it was all far too briefly.

I'm sad I never got to finish all the romantic gestures I was planning, how I was going to arrange a choir to sing your favourite song the day I proposed to you.

All the places I was still yet to take you.

If you had let me I would have made your dreams come true.

Maybe one day you will find these poems and stories

And you will know that no one loved you as I did

Maybe you will find it creepy

I hope you will be flattered to see how much you meant to me.

Yours sincerely

A


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