I felt exasperated, excited. I finally had my dreams come true. It was amazing. I saw you there, your blue eyes; that timid smile I used to get when you looked at me. That was before it was about anyone else.at the time, I was the only thing you knew. It finally felt good, to know, you were there with me. After so long. So many prayers. So many stupid, unrealistic hopes..Hopes you could one day read my thoughts. The thing is, you finally figured it out. Why it took you so long, I am not sure. But forever grateful, that I am. Your smile radiated through me, like a wave of heat, on a summer day, after a cold shower. I experienced the chill, as though it was a sign. Energy ran through my veins. All it took was a look. All it took was the sensation of you not there, but the feeling of your presence. It could have been all in my mind. This was just one of those times. Created all from memory, hopes and dreams. Yet I remain still. Stopped in the crease of time, stuck here. With only thoughts, hopes and dreams. Perhaps that is all it will ever be. Yet, for the rest of my life, I always believe I just cannot, wont give up that hope. The thing is, what is the worst part, is you will never get it. You will never understand. For me, this would have been... This would have been.. The time of our lives. So lets start from now, present day. Lets start with a confession. Since the day I met you, I felt something. Sure of this feeling, I have pursued it, 7 years later. Through these 7 years, you have NEVER turned me down. Through these 7 years, I have seen you jealous one time. You have professed your love for me, in a drunken state, mind you, which has proven to be a state of honesty.. I had to throw that out there. You have stated to me you wanted to have my baby. It has been a paradox. One of the most difficult things in my life to deal with. Yet, do you understand? One of the most repelling parts of you towards my mentality, is the fact you go for everyone and everything that is NOT me, and you have failed. Yet you forget about me so quickly, I am so easy to erase from your past, yet, in 7 years, we always end up, someway, somehow, reconnnecting. My question is: Does everyone experience once in their lifetime (at least) a remorseful, regret-filled past lover that may come back to you, years after you expect it, begging for you, or at least a small piece of you back? To be honest, that would make me feel good. It would make me feel like I had an impact on someone. I honestly hope for that. Not that it would impact my current life/situation, but at least you would know... You were good.
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