Broken Little Girl

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Broken little girl finding her place in this cold broken world.

Submitted: October 21, 2015

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Submitted: October 21, 2015

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There was a little girl I knew. She loved the smell of rain and had a smile of pure bliss and love with everything she did. This little girl knew not of hatred and pain. This little girl had just turned 6 years old. She was playing outside when her babysitter told her to come in for a fun game with his friends. They were all much older, the little girl was happy that the big kids wanted her to join in on the games. Truth or dare sounded fun although she didn’t have any clue what it was, or what it meant when one boy was dared to have sex with her. She was just 6, while he was just 16. The boys told her to take off her shorts and laughed at her Barbie panties. She didn’t know why they were laughing, so she laughed too. This little girl lost her innocence at the age of 6, and that was also when she lost herself. See, they told her that if she loved her mommy, she would tell no one. Because if her mommy knew, she would want her dead. So the little girl decided she didn’t want to live.

She was six years old when she had her first suicide attempt.

This little girl knew nothing of the thoughts rummaging their way into her head, but decided to jump off the tallest slide at the playground hoping to instead fly away, and as she hit the ground she felt nothing. The breath was knocked out of her and for a second she felt peace. The little girl cried when she was rushed back by the feeling of no air in her lungs, nothing to hold on to.

This little girl was broken inside at 6 years old.

There was a little girl I knew, who hated herself. At age 8 she looked into the mirror and cried. She knew she was hideous. She knew she was broken. That night she softly cried herself to sleep until she heard the head pounding creak of her bedroom door slowly slide open. This little girl knew what was to come, and oh how she tried to be brave. The pain had stopped because this little girl had been through it so many times. This little girl wanted to die.

“Are you awake sweetie?”

She knew not to answer. It was the same question every night and there was no change in the outcome. See this little girl wanted to run, run like fucking hell. But like drowning in the sea, she had no power. She was so weak and useless. She knew what she deserved. He walked over to her quietly, shook her arm and woke her softly. He said tonight if I was good, he would make it quick.

This little girl was so damaged.

There was a girl I knew, who wasn’t so little anymore. At age 14 she had lost herself. Everybody saw the purple fingers traced on her skin. Nobody questioned though, they knew all too well. Who should care about a broken little girl with nothing to live for? At age 14 this girl knew too much. There was not much relief this little girl found, so she took a cold blade to her hips, knowing her mom would be crushed if she knew that she was so broken. She hid everything away, behind closed doors. She was 14 years old, and she wanted so much to die. Her first suicide attempt was after her brother beat her and told her to die. He had such bad anger issues, nobody knew how he treated her. She deserved to be beaten, though. She deserved it all. With a half empty pill bottle the little girl who loved the feeling of being numb, she desperately wanted to end it all. She didn’t want to live in a world with such hatred and pain.

“It is all too real, and the pain will always last. There is no purpose for a broken little girl who had such big dreams. I wanted love and happiness and most of all I wanted the pain to go away. I love you mommy and please don’t blame yourself. I wish I could be stronger for you.”

This little girl left a note on her bed and cried herself to the floor with the bottle clutched to her chest. “FREE” were the only words in her head. 15 minutes later her mom found her with the bottle and the tears, immediately sitting her upright with her fingers down her clenched throat. The little girl threw up her dreams. The little girl threw up her escape. The little girl begged her mother to let her die. Her mother had no idea the little girl was so broken.

There was a girl I knew whom at the age 15 had survived enough. Her mother helped her get her life back. The girl felt in control for the first time in 9 years. She felt strong. Then one night, the stupid, stupid girl went on a date with a guy she thought she loved. She thought nothing bad of going back to his house and watching a movie. The stupid girl was wrong. She kept drinking her water, wondering why it tasted so strange. The stupid girl couldn’t have been more naïve. That night, the girl who had so many walls built up had let them fall. That girl went home with a stranger she thought she loved. That girl knew what rape was like, but never knew this kind of rape. He whispered soft things that night about how beautiful she was. He told her how lovely her hair looked. He got her home. She let him. That stupid girl let him. That stupid girl set herself up for him. That stupid girl was fooled. Everyone at school called her a whore, said she probably begged him for it. He was a popular senior, she was just a stupid 15 year old girl who thought she could feel love. She was wrong. The girl felt so little in court. Telling a room full of strangers what happened to her. Losing the case. Due. To. Lack. Of. Evidence.

This sad, broken, destroyed little girl felt numb. The broken, defeated girl needed death.

The night she got home while her mother took a shower, the sad little girl walked slowly and emotionlessly to her mother’s room. She grabbed her gun and in a swift movement put it to her head and immediately pulled the trigger. No fucking bullets. All she needed was a release. No fucking bullets. This damaged little girl silently walked back to her room and went to sleep, numb.

There was a girl I knew who was so mentally broken and numb that she knew she was a lost cause. At age 18 she had learned so much of what life is and how worthless she is. She put on a loud, bubbly front. She didn’t want anyone to feel the same pain she had. This girl is a ticking time bomb, she knows she won’t last long. She wants to open up, let it out. Let someone know before she goes, exactly why she has to go. How she is too damaged to stay. This girl is broken beyond repair. She is mentally destroyed. This girl needs help, so much help. She wants to live and stay around but she is so broken and afraid. Someone. Please help her. Please heal her. Someone please. Help me.


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