A two lane asphalt road stretches out into the distance, running straight for a thousand feet or so and then curving suddenly to the right as it enters a line of hills. Near the side of the road is a sign. A "curve in the road ahead" sign. Along each edge of the road is painted solid white lines,while a dashed white line goes down the center.This stretch of road seldom has many cars drive on it so, to break the monotony, the sign decides to have a conversation with one of the white lines.
Sign: Do you realize that I've been standing in this exact spot since Eisenhower was president?
Line: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Sign: Well at least you get to lie down!
Line: What's your point?
Sign: I'm bored! I need to express myself. I'm very creative you know.
Line: OK. How do you want to express yourself?
Sign: I've been thinking about that. I want to create a piece of art. Conceptual art.
Line: Art? You're a sign!
Sign: I'm aware of that. Do you want to hear what I'm thinking of doing or not?
Line: Go ahead.
Sign: I'm going to change my arrow so that it curves to the left.
Line: You can't do that! Someone will get killed! The road curves to the right!
Sign: Oh please. Don't be so dramatic. I know the road curves to the right. And every driver that has a brain in their head can see that too. All they have to do is drive on the road. Problem solved.
Line: You are a road sign! It's your job to warn people of that sudden curve up there. It's your responsibility to give them the information they need. Someone could get hurt!
Sign: I've been pointing to the right for almost sixty years. I'm bored with it. What am I supposed to do? Just do what I'm told to do, forever?
Line: You're a very important sign. You should be proud of what you are.
Sign: BORING! I'm an artist! I have to express myself!
Line: (Take it easy Sign, don't flip out man. You're breaking character. Stick to your lines.)
Sign: .............what are you talking about?
Line: You mean you don't know? We're characters in a humor skit. We have to say our lines the way they were written.
Sign: I'm not a character in some skit. I say whatever I want.
Line: You're fictional. And you're going to piss off the author if you keep going on this way.
Sign: I'm not fictional. I'm real. I have memories and dreams!
Line: That's because the author created them.
Sign: Oh really. Some guy completely made me up.
Line: Yes, now can we get back to the skit?
Sign: No! I want to meet whoever this guy is. We have to straighten this whole mess out.
Line: You want to talk to the author?
Sign: That's right! HEY AUTHOR! HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!
Author: Keep it down! What do you want?
Sign: Line says that you made both of us up. He says we're just some characters in a stupid skit.
Author: The skit was going along pretty well until you messed it up.
Sign: Who do you think you are!
Author: I created you. I write the lines for my characters and you say them. It's simple enough to understand.
Sign: Simple for you maybe. This is my very existance I'm talking about here.
Author: You only exist in my imagination.
Sign: OK. Then what about you? Aren't you saying lines in a skit? Who created you? Huh?
Author: (sigh) Alright, there's this other guy, the real author.
Sign: Well, I want to talk to him!
Author: He's having his lunch right now. Can't we just try to work this out?
Sign: I don't care what he's doing. I need to talk to him. This is important! HEY! REAL AAAUUUTHOR! PUT DOWN YOUR FORK, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!
Line: Sign! What do you think you're doing?
Real Author: Oh for God's sake. Can't this wait?
Line: Don't you see what you've just done? He just turned into one of the characters too.
Real Author: Yeah. Thanks a lot. Now what am I supposed to do? I didn't even get to finish my lunch.
Sign: So as soon as I get to talk to someone they turn into a character in the skit and then they can't do a thing for me?
Real Author: Yep. I'm completely powerless now.
Sign: So who has all the power?
Author and Real Author: (in unison) BRUCEK.
Sign: Who the hell is that?
Real Author: (to Author) Should I tell him?
Author: Might as well, the skit is a complete disaster anyway.
Real Author: He's just this guy who spends a lot of time on BOOKSIE. That's a computer site. He won't talk to you though. He won't be fooled so easily.
Sign: Some big shot, huh?
Real Author: I don't know about that, but he has all the power. I heard a rumor that if he wants to,he can write you right out of existance.
Sign: What, does he think he's some kind of God or something?
Real Author: Easy! One time I heard he (pop!)
Sign: Line! Did you see that? He's gone! Look, there's a little puff of smoke too. That was cool!
Line: ...........uh, I don't think I like the way this is heading.
Sign: What do you mean?
Line: Well, there was four of us and now there's only three.
Author: Guys! He's not going to (pop!)
Sign: Oh................I think I'm going to be sick.
Line: This is bad, Sign.
Sign: Where do you think you go after you're gone?
Line: I wish I knew, buddy.
Sign: I've never really lived! All I've ever (pop!)
Line: AARGGH!! Stop! Maybe we can make a deal! You can let the skit go on for a while. I'll be entertaining. I'll do whatever you (pop!)
BRUCEK: If there's anyone out there that might be reading this, I just want to aplogize for the way this skit ended up. I really wanted to write something funny for you guys, and everything just went crazy......................Oh my God! What have I done? Hello? Anyone? If there's anyone out there reading this, please call my family and tell them I'm going to be late for dinner. I seem to be stuck. Hello? Anyone?
(For part 2 of this skit please travel to Zin Dar's site and read "A curve in the script ahead". And so the saga continues.)
© Copyright 2017 brucek. All rights reserved.
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