An Imagined Interview With An Imagined Actor (John Plochinski) Who Plays An Imaginary Character (The Hulk). Imagine That!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
please see the short title above.

Submitted: January 13, 2014

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Submitted: January 13, 2014

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INTERVIEWER:  First of all, I'd like to thank you for agreeing to do this interview.

JOHN:  Sure, no problem.

INTERVIEWER:  I know you almost never do them.

JOHN:  Well, I'm a pretty private person.

INTERVIEWER:  And yet you're willing to talk to me.  I'm flattered.

JOHN:  I thought it was time I cleared a few things up.  I'm tired of all the speculations.

INTERVIEWER:  So, I can ask you anything I want?

JOHN:  Within reason.  I'll let you know if you step over the line.

INTERVIEWER:  I wouldn't want to do that.

JOHN:  Good.  Let's just see how it goes.

INTERVIEWER:  All right.  First, let me ask what everyone's been dying to know:  Just exactly how big of a guy are you?

JOHN:  (sigh)  I'm 7' 6", and around five hundred and fifty pounds.

INTERVIEWER:  That's amazing!  How do you keep in such great shape?

JOHN:  Mom's home cooking, and plenty of exercise.

INTERVIEWER:  You still live at home?

JOHN:  No, I was being facetious.

INTERVIEWER:  Oh ... sorry.  Okay ... uh ... what about your ... color?

JOHN:  Why am I green?

INTERVIEWER:  Yes.

JOHN:  Would you believe my parents were Martians?

INTERVIEWER:  Probably not.

JOHN:  Is this really necessary?

INTERVIEWER:  Your fans want to know.

JOHN:  Seriously?

INTERVIEWER: Everybody's curious.

JOHN:  Okay.  (sigh)  It was an industrial accident.

INTERVIEWER:  You mean you fell into a vat of paint or something?

JOHN:  Something like that.  Look, this is the way I am.  How I got this way is nobody's business but my own, okay?

INTERVIEWER:  Suit yourself.

JOHN:  Great.  Now, do you have any sensible questions for me?

INTERVIEWER:  Well, we're all a little curious about your anger management issues.

JOHN:  What!?  JESUS CHRIST!!  I'm an actor!  That's the way the role is written!

INTERVIEWER:  Okay!  Take it easy!  I was only asking.

JOHN:  I have a part to play and I play it.  That doesn't mean I'm like that in real life.  I'm a college graduate.  I studied at Juilliard, for Christ's sake!  I don't go around smashing things, if that's what you're asking.

INTERVIEWER:  So, you're just a regular guy?

JOHN:  Yeah.

INTERVIEWER:  Who happens to be green and five hundred and fifty pounds?

JOHN:  That's right.  Anything else?

INTERVIEWER:  I have a couple more questions, but I don't know if I should ask them.

JOHN:  Oh, go ahead.  What's the worst that can happen?

INTERVIEWER:  I don't think I want to find out.

JOHN:  Then we're through here?

INTERVIEWER:  I'm not going to ask any more questions.  What was it you wanted to clear up?

JOHN:  What?

INTERVIEWER:  You said there were a few things you wanted to clear up.

JOHN:  Oh, that.  I just don't like all of the rumors.

INTERVIEWER:  What rumors?

JOHN:  Okay, I'll spell it out for you.  It's time people realize I don't change size and I don't change colors and I don't know anyone that even remotely resembles a super hero.  I'm just a person who looks different.  I'm an actor.

INTERVIEWER:  Okay, I believe you.  Could I ask you just one more question?

JOHN:  One final question, sure.

INTERVIEWER:  There's been a lot of speculations about your ... um ... sexual preferences.

JOHN:  ... Get the hell out of my apartment before I smash you to pieces.

INTERVIEWER:  What!?

JOHN:  HULK SMASH!!

INTERVIEWER:  I'm gone.

 

 


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