doughnuts in space (revised) chapter three

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

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the last chapter I wrote of this story. sorry, not great at writing the longer stuff, but at least it's a little better written (I think, anyway)

While the insidious smell of a cheeseburger was burrowing its way into Sonny's subconscious, in a galaxy quite far away, an army of twelve foot warrior tree frogs were readying themselves for battle. They strapped on their armor, and they painted themselves in angry colors. Across the great, lush valley, another army of twelve foot warrior tree frogs were making nearly identical preparations. A war was about to commence, one that would decide who had the right to live in the trees in the valley. Weapons were sharpened, and soon their croaks would reach a furious pitch. But then, suddenly, the sky was filled with an enormous floating object, and had any of the tree frogs ever been to a circus on the planet Earth, they would have recognized it as the face of a gigantic clown, complete with a silly orange hat, a plastic ball for a nose, and a red painted smile. But twelve foot warrior tree frogs never get to go to the circus, even when they've been very, very good, and have eaten all of their vegetables, so they didn't know there was a clown face the size of a small planet in their sky. All they knew was they were very afraid.

Of course, this clown face was one of Sonny's imagination machines running amok, but the tree frogs didn't know that either. The machine had heard about the great battle about to take place, and wanted to see for itself if several million frogs were actually willing to risk their lives over some stupid trees. And sure enough, that's exactly what they were about to do. But then, a terrible thought popped into the machine's clowny brain. Its smile slowly began to get broader, the ends curled up into an evil grin, and its left eye blinked. Two simultaneous things happened. The clown vanished, and every tree in the valley turned into huge custard pies. The armies of tree frogs were in shock. They slowly advanced to the edge of the valley where the trees had been, looking dumbfounded. What had happened? Where were the trees? The general of one of the armies sent a private out among the custard pies to investigate. His first message sent back to the general indicated they had a pleasant smell. His second message informed the general they were comfortable to sit on. Taking the initiative, the general ordered a full scale assault in defense of the custard pies, but the advance across the valley was extremely difficult. Wading through gigantic custard pies is hard for anyone, even twelve foot warrior tree frogs. The general, however, was undaunted. He ordered a massive effort to clear a path across the valley so his army could attack. Day after exhausting day, teams of tree frogs dug and burrowed, loaded and hauled, until finally the tree frogs made their way to the other side of the valley. The other army of twelve foot warrior tree frogs were gone. They had decided after the first fifteen minutes that a custard pie was a silly thing to fight about, and went home to eat flies.

 

MEANWHILE, BACK AT SONNY'S DOUGHNUT SHOP …

 

Sonny was very hungry, but when you're curled up unconscious in the attic of your brain, it can be difficult to find the motivation to make lunch. Fortunately, while Sonny was catatonic, Ninety Eight had used her creative powers to reform the doughnut shop, so that it became the only shop in the neighborhood (figuratively speaking) that was fully automated and run by robots. The cook robot was making Sonny's favorite lunch, a juicy cheeseburger with extra crispy fries. The wonderful smell slipped right up Sonny's nose, which did a back flip and sent an urgent message to his brain, where it met a sign hanging from his hypothalamus that read, “not doing all that great at the moment, try again later”. The message was rejected, and after bouncing around aimlessly for several nanoseconds, ended up in his stomach. A deep, ominous rumbling began. An angry, insistent rumbling. And just like that, Sonny woke up.

“Jeeze, I'm hungry!” he said.

“Hurry up and eat, Romeo, Ninety Eight has a surprise for you,” said Cheeks.

“A surprise? What in the hell are you talking about, butt head?”

“Ha! She wants to introduce you to your daughter!”

“My … my … what!?”

 

MEANWHILE, BACK ON EARTH …

 

Sonny decided to go bowling, so he threw his lucky bowling ball into his mint green Yugo, drove the three blocks to the alley, where he laced up his two-toned bowling shoes. When he unzipped his bag, a green, sixteen pound dragon popped out. “TOOOOOOT!” puffed the dragon out of his little flaring nostrils, burning part of the collar off his bowling shirt.

“Jesus!! What the hell!?”

Leaving a trail of smoke behind, the dragon shot out of the bowling bag, spread its wings, and flew once around the alley, knocking down every pin, and melting three and a half bowling balls.

“Something really weird is going on!”

“I would have said the same thing if I only had a mouth,” said his rear brain.

“Damn it! What happened to my bowling ball?” asked Sonny.

“It grew wings, like all little bowling balls do when they're old enough,” said his rear brain.

“Shut up.”


Submitted: September 18, 2013

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Comments

Mike Stevens

Jeez Bruce, lay off the acid, huh? Where did this come from? And I thought I had an imagination; funny stuff!

Wed, September 18th, 2013 4:43pm

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was it better than before? I've rewritten it to post on another site, where they'll critique it and i'll have to rewrite it again!

Thu, September 19th, 2013 7:40pm

bobthebuilder

So, that was completely random and unexpected. So many questions! So few answers! And now I'm craving cheese burgers and flies. I mean fries. Oh, Bruce, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!

Wed, September 18th, 2013 11:36pm

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mmmmmmmmmm!

Thu, September 19th, 2013 7:43pm

bobthebuilder

By the way, I got a good laugh out of this.

Wed, September 18th, 2013 11:37pm

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cool.

Thu, September 19th, 2013 7:44pm

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