i've lowered my standards

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
i'm on a low budget folks. my standards are sinking! help!!

Submitted: July 16, 2013

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Submitted: July 16, 2013

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As the cost of living increases, and my income stubbornly refuses to keep pace, I've been forced to adopt an unfortunate survival strategy. I call it, “Bruce's lowering his standards to ridiculous depths” strategy. Here are a few examples. You may want to try them yourselves.

 

  • I had to purchase a house without a roof, and now only live in it when it's not raining.

  • I had to purchase a car without an engine. Now I can only travel to places downhill.

  • My shoes have no laces or soles, and I only wear them when I'm standing still.

  • I share my underwear with my neighbor across the street; I put my right leg in, and he puts in his left. (We considered sharing a wife, but couldn't decide how to cut her in half; at the waist or down the middle)

  • I had to dismantle the garage for fire wood. Soon I'll be dismantling the car.

  • I no longer worry about my identity being stolen. In fact, I've had to sell it six times already.

  • I had to feed my pet mouse to the cat. When it complained it was still hungry, I fed it to the dog.

  • I invited my neighbors over for a barbeque, and had to insist that they bring the squirrel meat this time.

  • My furniture is made out of cardboard boxes from Walmart. I used bubble pack as seat cushions until my kids popped them all. Now I use the kids.

  • I take my vacations in the drainage ditch down the street. The water is stagnant, but I don't drink it anymore. That's what public restrooms are for.

     

    If you can think of any other cost cutting measures, please pass them on. You may have to mail them, since I'm thinking of selling the computer.

 

 


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