(lie)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Everything in this piece is true. Honest.

Submitted: April 14, 2015

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Submitted: April 14, 2015

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I had my most harrowing brush with death while rafting down the crocodile infested waters of the Congo river (lie). An unexpected tsunami (lie) riled a nest of twenty foot water snakes (lie), so enraging an enormous albino hippo (lie) that he capsized my tiny hand-made craft (lie) and sent me headlong into the water. Fortunately, my years of intense training for the Olympics (lie), in which I won twelve gold medals (lie!), allowed me to reach the shore safely.

I was helped from the water by a breathtakingly beautiful Zulu woman named Alabala (liar!) who was the princess of a wealthy local tribe desperately in need of a handsome prince (right!). One thing led to another, and in less than a week we were married. Not only was I now incredibly rich (come on!), but I was also commander of an army of ruthless, blood thirsty warriors (seriously!?).

My forces were about to embark on a simultaneous all-out war on three fronts (liar, liar, liar!!) against the armies of Uganda, Tanzania, and Angola (okay, sure). Even though we were vastly outnumbered, and had only shields and spears, while our enemies were equipped with tanks and air support, our morale was still high (now I've heard everything!). We waited for the cover of darkness and disguised ourselves with animal skins. Using a pincer strategy I learned during my Navy Seal training (I'm dying here!), I led my men to a glorious victory on the battlefield (COME ON!! STOP!...ack...ahhhhhhh...thud...PLOP!)

I know you may not believe everything I've just said, but it's all true. Honest.


© Copyright 2018 brucek. All rights reserved.

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