neanderthal meets alien

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
an alien sends a message through time to Gog, a Neanderthal.

Submitted: July 25, 2013

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Submitted: July 25, 2013

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Long before pencils and paper were invented on planet Earth, a notebook and a gnawed on stub of a pencil were sent up-stream on the river of time, slipped sideways into a parallel dimension, and fell into the lap of Gog, an easily flustered Neanderthal taking a nap. Gog woke with a shriek and, in a panic, threw the notebook into his cooking fire, never realizing that a message had been written there in Xiflopian, the most widely used language in the universe. The message read: To whom it may concern, civilization is overrated. Nothing but bills, bills, bills. Skip the wheel. Forget about fire. You've been warned!

As it turns out, Gog was quite impressed with how briskly the notebook burned, and began to wonder for the first time what else might burn, besides skunk pelts, mastodon droppings, and the hair on the top of his head.

As far as the pencil was concerned, he recognized teeth marks when he saw them, and felt fortunate that the previous owner hadn't finished eating it before he got a chance to. But even his massive molars weren't up to the task, and the pencil soon joined the notebook in the fire.

It was at that moment that an extremely strange creature materialized at the mouth of the cave. Resembling a cross between a two foot long snail and a mutant arachnid, Daisy braved the perilous journey to deliver yet another message. She wanted to tell Gog to completely disregard the previous message her husband had sent, since he was having quite a bad week, and had lost his job at the slime factory. She wanted to tell him there were many wonderful things that civilization could offer him, such as water parks, romance novels, and ruthlessly conquering other solar systems, but only managed a “disgust!” sound when Gog dropped a boulder the size of, well, a very large boulder, down on her.

Gog rolled the boulder out of the cave, and scraped the remains of the creature off of his floor, but wasn't able to remove the stains.  When Mrs. Gog returned from picking berries, she shook her head in disgust, and put him back to work cleaning the floor.


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