Rock-A-Bye, Baby (With Footnotes) (second edit)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Rewritten for your viewing pleasure. Please don't laugh too loud. The neighbors are complaining.

Submitted: February 21, 2016

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Submitted: February 21, 2016

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Rock-a bye, Baby (1), on the tree top, (2)

When the wind blows (3) the cradle will rock; (4)

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall (5)

And down will come Baby, cradle and all.

 

1:  Martha Washington used the "Rock My Baby", the most effective rocking device available in the English Colonies.  It was powered by a series large metal springs which she found she could only wind with a team of Clydesdales.  Unfortunately, a defect cropped capable of launching a cradle through the ceiling timbers and several hundred feet into the air.  Although manufacturer's recalls failed to solve the problem, the "Goodbye Baby", as it came to be known, eventually was equipped with an elaborate leather harness, allowing the parents to strap down their infant in the unlikely event of sudden flight.

2:  When Martha's neighbor, Beatrice Bartholomew Johnson, asked if Mrs. Washington could mind her baby, Bartholomew Beatrice Johnson, since Beatrice was late for a dental appointment and had only three teeth left, she said she'd be delighted to take care of the youngster.  After Bartholomew refused to stop crying for two and a half hours, Martha brought the cradle out of storage, and hitched up her team of horses.  Rumor has it she strapped down the struggling infant, brewed herself a cup of tea, and then added a half bottle of rum to calm her nerves.  It was then that she heard a shockingly loud TWANG!! and discovered that she now had a jagged four foot hole in her ceiling and the youngest of the Johnson children was missing.  The family blacksmith testified seeing the cradle fly through the air and land in the field right next  to where George's favorite stallion, Boopsie, was grazing.  A kick sent the cradle thirty five feet up into a tree, where it became wedged in one of it's flimsiest branches.

3:  On that particular day it was wickedly windy.  A real swoosher whoosher.  Blustery in your bloomers.  A breezer sneezer.  Anyway, it was windy.  When Martha saw the Johnson child in the tree, she took a drink of her medicinal tea and called to her husband:

"George!  George!  Fetch the ladder!  Hurry!  Bartholomew's up the tree!"

"Martha!  What are you on about? ... Why is that child up in our tree?  Is that the Johnson boy!?"

"Never mind that!  Go out there and get him down!"

"What happened to our ceiling?"

"George!  Go!  Now!"

"Awfully windy out there."

"GEORGE!!"

"Yes, yes."

George Washington walked into the field where he kept his horse and stood under the tree, right in the middle of a steaming pile of horse manure.  The next words that made their way past his wooden teeth were ones Martha had never heard him utter.

4:  With all of that wind, cradles will rock.  It was up in a tree, after all.  And it was really, really windy.

5:  Yes, the bough did break, and the cradle did fall.  So did George, right into another pile, but not before catching an extremely upset little boy.  Years later Bartholomew Johnson served under General Washington in the War of Independence.  His job was cleaning out the stables.


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