As it turned out, there was a very good reason why Rose stopped talking in mid-sentence; Teri Chetwood, the author, had stopped dreaming. There was also a very good reason why Teri Chetwood had stopped dreaming; her favorite dog, Maul, had jumped up on her bed and started licking her face.
Teri: Hi, big boy. Yes, I love you too!
Maul: (Mmmm. She tastes good. Yummmm!)
Teri: Good morning! I was having such a weird dream. I know, you big dog, you’re probably hungry.
Maul: (Salty! What!? Burritos!? Ohhhhhh!)
Teri: Okay! Well, you’re gonna have to wait. Get down! I have to write this down before I lose it. (Teri turns on her computer and starts typing.)
As the blimp starts to plummet, Brucek can think of nothing better to do than whip out his notebook and write, “Suddenly everyone was wearing a parachute. They all jumped out at the same time.”
Unfortunately, he forgot that only humans have shoulders, so when everyone jumped, some floated down peacefully, and some plummeted all over again.
Sign: No, no, no, no! Damn it! (CLANG!)
Line: Oh, for Christ’s sake Bruce! What an…….. (PLOP!)
Chair: Wooo Hooo! Shit, man, this is far ou……..(CRUNCH!)
John: Oh my. This may hurt a bit. (SMASH!)
Roll: Fuckin’ great Bruce. Now I’m unrolling. (THUD!)
Rose: Not me too! How could you!? I………(SMACK!)
Brucek: You alright Mary Jane?
Mary Jane: Just don’t let go Bruce. God, I hate being one of your fictional characters.
Brucek: Yeah? Why’s that?
Mary Jane: Christ, Bruce! I’ve almost been set on fire twice, and now we just jumped out of a blimp!
Brucek: Well, you’re safe now. You know, that was pretty quick thinking, huh? Never used a parachute before!
Mary Jane: Maybe you should have thought up something clever for all of those bits and pieces you used to call your characters down there.
Brucek: We were crashing! I did the best that I could………….Hey, who’s that?
Mary Jane: Beats me. Some lady. By the way, since you’ve never used a parachute before, I suppose you have no idea how to land, do you?
Brucek: What? Don’t you just float to the ground?
Mary Jane: Flex your knees and roll! Flex your knees and roll! Oh God!
Brucek ends up face down, with a mouth full of dirt and a bloody nose. He stands up weaving and wobbling, only to get himself tangled up in the parachute chords.
Teri: Really smooth. Was that your first time?
Brucek: Mmmmmph! Yeph. Who are you?
Teri: Who the hell are you!? What are you doing in my script?
Brucek: Oh! You must be Teri Chetwood. You’ve got it all wrong, this is my script!
Teri: Like hell! I was sitting at my computer five minutes ago, writing all of this.
Brucek: And I’ll bet ten minutes ago you were taking a nap and having a dream about this place.
Teri: Yeah, so?
Brucek: So you dreamed all of your characters right into my script. I even went to your house and tried to wake you up.
Teri: I sleep with a knife under my pillow, and I’ve got another one in the top of my boot right now.
Brucek: Christ Teri, relax! I didn’t go into your house. I only rang the doorbell.
Teri: How did you know where I live?
Brucek: When you’re as intelligent as I am, it’s easy to figure these things out.
Teri: Sounds like bullshit.
Mary Jane: It is bullshit. He’s got this weird notebook thing and when he writes in it, things happen.
Brucek: Plus I have a great imagination!
Teri: Ah. My name’s Teri, what’s yours?
Brucek: Bruce, obviously!
Teri: I wasn’t talking to you.
Mary Jane: Mine’s Mary Jane. Nice to meet you. All of these girls are your characters?
Teri: Yes! What do you think!?
Mary Jane: I think Bruce better think of something quick. They’re going to be pissed.
Gretchen: God damn it, Bruce! Are you going to help me get Shadowcat and Frieda out of the tree, or are you just going to stand there. Oh, hi Teri.
Well folks, that was Part 4 of the classic script “The Invasion of the Pony Tails Strippers!”I’ll bet you’re going to be crushed when I tell you that Part 5, the final and concluding part, can be found soon at Teri’s page. But don’t worry, it will be funny! Enjoy!
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