who's talking, anyway?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

an author has a few problems.

"Hi Bob."

"Hi Doug!"

"Glad to see you!"

"Thanks, nice to see you too!"

"So, what have you been up to?"

"Oh, not much, really.  How about you?"

"About the same."



"Nothing exciting?"

"Not really ... you know what, I'm getting a little confused."

"About what?"

"Well, I'm not sure who's Bob and who's Doug."

"Oh, I see what you mean."

"Seems like somebody forgot about using those 'he saids'."

"Hey, you're right!" said Bob.

"Now that's a lot better, although I really thought I was Bob," said Doug.

"That's funny, I thought I was Doug!" said Bob uncertainly.

"Sorry about that guys."

"Great!  Who in the hell are you?" asked Bob.

"I forget the 'he saids' all the time.  I'm the author," admitted the author.

"How do you expect to keep things straight," asked Doug, "if you write dialog like that?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm still learning.  Besides, I'm not the only one responsible," said the author.

Doug couldn't believe what he was hearing.  "If you're not responsible for what gets written, then who is?"

"I wouldn't be able to write a thing without my notebook and my pencil," said the author.

"Hey!  Don't drag me into this," said the notebook, "I'd be just as happy completely blank.  Or you could draw a picture, or maybe doodle some time, instead of all these words."

"I have to write somewhere," said the author.

"Oh for God's sake, you don't have much of a life, do you?  That's a fine thing, blaming me and the pencil like that," said the notebook.

"I didn't much care for it," added the pencil.

"I keep picking you up.  I can't help myself," said the author.  "When you think about it, you're the one who's doing the actual writing."

"I don't think so.  You push me all over the page.  Always, 'more, more, more'," replied the pencil.

"That's your job, isn't it?" asked the author.

"Yes, I guess.  Just be thankful I'm so nice to you," said the pencil.

"What do you mean?" asked the author.

"I don't have to let you write with me you know," said the pencil.  "I could stop you in mid-sentence any time I wanted to."

"And how are you going to perform that little miracle?  If I want to write with you, I'll pick you up and write.  You're not going to have a choice," said the author.

"Oh really?  And what if my lead suddenly brea ...?"

Submitted: September 04, 2013

© Copyright 2022 brucek. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Mike Stevens

Nice Bruce; I think an imaginary talk between writer, writee, and writeless, is a funny subject. Of course, if you can make any sense out of what I just said, you're doing better than I, cause I don't have a fricking clue; I'm just babbling!

Wed, September 4th, 2013 4:26pm


made perfect sense. don't worry, I babble like a brook too.

Wed, September 4th, 2013 6:57pm


Clever little pencil! Really, authors should always treat their pencils and notebooks with the greatest care and affection. They're not just tools, you know...
Anyhow, nice little skit (or whatever you'd like to call it). Sort of reminded me of the "Sign and Line" piece you did earlier... A very fun idea, and brilliantly written - as always! :)

Wed, September 4th, 2013 7:10pm


it wasn't completely original, but that's okay. i'm starting out on the journey of learning to write real dialog, instead of in script form, so I thought i'd write about a writer who was learning that. don't ask my why.

Wed, September 4th, 2013 7:00pm


Good idea and humorous.

Wed, September 4th, 2013 8:07pm


thanks garry!

Wed, September 4th, 2013 7:01pm


You must have banged your funny bone! It's causing your arm to spasm and create these random acts of hilarity! But... what happened to Bob and Doug?

Wed, September 4th, 2013 11:51pm


I know. kind of lost them. maybe if pencil wouldn't have lost her lead (yes, for some reason I think of her as a her) they might have returned. to be honest, I just got side tracked. I try not to let that bother me anymore. lord knows, it happens enough.

Wed, September 4th, 2013 7:04pm

Lacy Cornwall

Where DO you come up with the funny, Bruce. Do you keep it in a box under your bed? How often do you feed it?

You always make me laugh with your posts.

Thu, September 5th, 2013 5:14am


I actually have an additional brain along my spine, right next to my hip (very similar to the stegosaurus). it's only about the size of a walnut, but it does make me feel funny. but then again, so does eating raw oysters.
are you in Wisconsin yet? will you be throwing eggs at my house as you drive by? see, I know what you're up to!

Thu, September 5th, 2013 6:54am

Cosmic Crow

Love how the author has a conversation with his characters. Who is on first base? In the last line I think you meant "gets" rather than get? I also like that the pencil has an attitude and has some say as to whether or not the author writes. Kudos bro.

Thu, September 12th, 2013 8:38pm


cool, thanks. i'll go edit that right now. thanks.

Thu, September 12th, 2013 7:01pm


Unusually creative and imaginative.
You made me smile bruce.Thanks.

Mon, September 23rd, 2013 6:55pm


you are welcome young lady. smiles can go a long way. hope it stuck around for a while.

Thu, September 26th, 2013 7:16am

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