Stay back, she'll eat you alive or burn the heart that you have left

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
This story is about the girl who ruined my sophomore year, and possibly my life, yet she doesn't even know it. The worst part is that if she did know, she wouldn't give a damn =/

Submitted: January 03, 2012

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Submitted: January 03, 2012

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Stay back, she'll eat you alive, or burn the heart that you have left...… well I wish I'd have known that before I fell in love with her. Her name was Sara. She used to be just some little girl that lived down the street. She's not much younger though, only a little over a year. I remember when I first met her, I had moved into the house down the street. At the time all I knew was that I moved next door to my cousins best friend and her two younger siblings. I ended up dating my cousin's bestfriend's little brother. Of corse while I was dating him I felt just like I did with every other guy: like something was missing. Anyways, my boyfriend's little sister was friends with Sara, she came over one day while I was at his house. He was sitting on my lap, yeah I know that sounds backwards. They introduced me to her and honestly I don't even remember my first reaction or thought, I didn't really notice her, I'm not quite sure if it was because I didn't really pay attention or if I just didn't care. So that was our first meeting. I don't really know how the next ones went, I guess we hung out a little bit more through my boyfriend and his sister. I somehow got her number and started calling her, most were prank calls but I still liked just talking to her. I started to want to know more about her and found out some pretty disturbing shit. Like she always had strippers at her house and they taught her stuff so she has a pole in her house, and she really knows how to use it. I asked her about it and I don't remember getting an answer. I honestly wasn't turned on or anything, I didn't even think I liked her. Looking back I think I started liking her way before the fair, and that's when I first realized how love struck I was. I remember it perfectly, I was pestering her, like usual, and I pulled the little Hawaiian laythingy she had on her neck when she was walking in front of me, she turned around and looked at me and I felt a sharp pain in my chest, but at the same time it was kinda nice, in fact the more she looked at me, the more I felt that pain and began to really enjoy it. I remember more details about that night, but that was the really important one. I think we hung out some at school and a little after, but we soon grew apart kinda. Then the next thing I know, I'm moving to a different town and school. I didn't go to school the last day, I just went to pick up my stuff. I went into the band and orchestra room to get my band things and guess who was just ending orchestra class. She came up to me, said something smartass but cute and I told her I was moving. She gave me a hug and said bye, but she didn't seem too disappointed, not that I was expecting her to though. I stayed in touch with all of my friends from that school when I moved, and I tried to stay in touch with her but i soon just gave up on her and love. Yes, love. I hated my new school :/ but soon moved back. Me and Sara hung out one time before I moved to Arkansas. Nothing really happened, my ex was there along with his little sister (did I mention I broke up with him right before the fair?) any was, we were at the park and my ex walked me home and Sara and her two friends were going in the same direction on the other side of the road. I ended up kissing my ex, not that it really meant anything to me, it felt like it always did: awkward, uncomfortable, and am I missing something? Oh yeah, THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING MISSING! So then I moved to Arkansas the beginning of my freshmen year (also very trecherous) I fell into this like mute stage and it was rather depressing. I had so much fun with my friends back home, that's what was always on my mind. Finally I moved back, even back home with my friends though I was still kinda mute, I was just so used to it, I still am even today. I thought I was over with Sara, it was still freshman year and she's a year younger so I didn't see her or anything and I thought I was past it. The very first day of my sophomore year I found out how wrong I was. I was sitting on the bus which was already packed and I had someone sitting next to me already. Sara got on the bus and sat down on the person next to me's lap. She happened to be half on me and was shoving my bag into my leg. I kinda yanked it out from under her because it was really starting to hurt. She looked over and said sorry and then she looked back again and said, \"Hey, I know you!\" she gave me the most awkwadest hug of my life and asked how I've been. I found it very hard to breath, so I just brushed her off and said something lame and tried to ignore her. Ive gotten pretty damn good at ignoring people too, so it worked. Off the bus, I could breath again and cuss myself out on the inside for letting her have such an effect on me after so long. Sophomore year was a bitch. All I could think about was her, everytime I saw her I had to hold my breath, and she didnt even give a fuck about me. I tried using different methods to get over her, like focusing on just friends, hating her, ignoring her, and of corse making it towards where I never had to see her. In the end though, I couldn't stand anything less than friends. I was a complete mess. Everytime she was around I had to dig my fingernails into the palm of my hand to keep myself contained. I'm a huge flirt, and I almost always had some sexi sly comment about everything, but not around her. I was always tongue tied. The only time I could talk to her without fucking up my words was through fb or a note. I only wrote a few notes to her, but 102 to my bestfriend about her. For the longest time the only person that knew was my very best friend, and I thank her everyday because I think if it wasn't for her, and me being able to vent, I would have either done something really stupid, or just put an end to it all, permanently. I was really depressed. There were days where I didn't say anything to anyone. I started to not care about people, as in all people actually. I became very very blunt with questions because I just didn't give a damn anymore. My friends even said things like I had an ice box for a heart, or i had a heart of stone, or (my favorite) I just didn't have one. I got better as the year went because I constantly told myself that I didn't really want her. I don't think I ever truly believed it, but it helped a little. Summer came around, I didn't see her. School started, they changed bus schedules (thank god). I can't remember the first time I seen her this year, but I know it hit me hard. All I ever wanted for three years strait was just her. Even when I moved or tried hating her, I never truly got over her. I told my friends I was though. Now I don't talk about her as much, if at all, and it helps. I think I'm going to stay with the friend tactic because I really like her as a friend, and if I didn't always want her so bad, I think we could be pretty great friends, at least until college. I just talked to her recently on fb since it's Christmas break and all, I think I can make this friend thing work. I never really thought there'd be an 'us' anyways so it's kinda whatever. Ok, it hurts like he'll, but I'm cool with that. I'm still pretty damn heartless, and what I know from my experience is stay back she'll eat you alive, or burn the heart that you have left. 3


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