Pain Greater Than No Other

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
This a story about something that changed my life - I have obviously twisted the truth because the actual truth of what this boy did to me would make you sick

Submitted: November 22, 2011

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Submitted: November 22, 2011

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It wasn’t easy, seeing him brought back the pain, the memories. I would feel ok for long periods of time, than something would remind me, the most stupid things then it’d be like it was happening all over again. Sometimes I would cry for hours, I’d cry myself to sleep, sometimes I swear I could actually feel my heart hurting. I never used to be like this, not until I met Alex.

 

Alex was handsome, he was shy but you could tell he had that streak of wildness in him, just a little bit dangerous, which is exactly what I loved. I had always admired him from a distance. He was three years older than me, he lived in the same part of my suburb, a two minute walk from my house.

 

Sometimes he walked his dog past my house and I would see him from the study window, where I would sit for hours on my computer just waiting for him to pass by. I felt like I watched him grow up. For years he walked pass my house. But I thought he was way out of my league, so I just admired him, I never had the courage to go talk to him. Until one day in year 9.

 

I had changed by year 9, I was wilder, dumber. I thought after I acted. I wasn’t that shy girl who had looked at this older boy a few years ago. I did stuff, stuff I regret each and every day. But I really blew it this time, speaking to him was the worst thing I could ever do, but I did it.

 

My parents are good people, but they are strict. They don’t approve of me or anything I do. That’s why I break the rules, I compulsively lie. I just want to enjoy life, have some fun, that’s why when I see people my parents would never approve of, I make sure I am a part of their life.

 

It was just another day, the day I spoke to Alex. He walked past me in the locker hallway. He looked at me, I began blushing so I smiled at him and he smiled back. Then he stopped walking, I wasn’t sure whether to keep walking or to stop too, but I couldn’t help myself, so I stopped as well. He said “Hey, you live near me yeah?” I replied in a really high nervous voice, “Yeah I do, I’ve seen you around a couple of times”. We had only just met, but after a couple of minutes just chatting, he asked me out.

 

We went out a few times, just talking and hanging out. A few kisses here and there. He was older, I was so flattered, I thought we would get married. Then one night, we were lying in the back of his car, holding hands, my folks thought I was staying the night at my best friend Jessie’s house, she was covering for me, I had told her what to say if they called. I was nervous, he began moving closer to me, than he whispered in my ear, something I wasn’t ready for. I stood up and stormed off. Tears ran down my face, I could hear him calling after me, but I kept walking, refusing to look back. I began walking faster, each stride got faster and faster until I was running, thoughts running through my head at a million miles an hour. I had betrayed my parents trust, taken advantage of my friends for someone who just wanted to use me. I had wondered why a boy like Alex would even lay eyes on me in the first place, I just wanted to die. Then I met Hamish.

 

Hamish was sweet, not like other boys. He was respectful towards girls. He had this soft brown hair, with the nicest smile in the world. I had never really known him much, I occasionally heard things about him, but other than that, he kept to himself. He wasn’t what some girls would call ‘hot’, he was beautiful. He had a heart made of pure gold, but I could tell a few people had broken his heart before, but he himself wasn’t a heart breaker. He never got angry, but I could tell he had a past. He knew someone had really hurt me and he wanted to help.

 

At first I couldn’t even look at a boy, let alone talk to one. But Hamish had this power over me, at first I wanted nothing to do with him, or any boy for that matter, but there was something about him that just made me feel safe. A feeling that I hadn’t felt in so long, that I didn’t even know what it was at first. We talked, and I opened up to him, I told him everything. He held my hand and he said “Well you don’t have to worry about him anymore, I’m here for you, no matter what, I promise”. That was the first night I didn’t dream about Alex.

 

Hamish and I just clicked. Before long, we were calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. We talked about where we would get married, how many kids we would have. Eventually before long, I fell in love with him.

 

My parents didn’t approve, they threatened to put me in an all girls school if I did any funny business with boys. So I kept it from them, another secret. They didn’t understand how Hamish had helped me. I was resorting to drugs. I had heard that Hamish had tried some stuff before, so I asked him for help in getting them. He refused, he said it would screw me over. He made me promise him I wouldn’t try anything. If it weren’t for Hamish, I could be well and truly addicted by now.

 

Hamish made me want to be a better person. I began trying harder in school, I helped out around the house, I was nicer. While I may have been passing in most areas, other areas were getting worse. I wasn’t eating, I had lost weight and I began hurting myself a lot. But Hamish and I, we talked, we spoke about these kinds of things, he listened to me and he cared, he wanted to help, I guess I was just so used to being ignored, it was a strange feeling. Each time I cried, each time I panicked, he was right there beside me, to hold my hand and make the pain go away.

 

We laughed together, we mucked around together, we cried together, we fell in love with each other.

 

Hamish saved me when no one else could, when my life was taken from me, he found it and brought it back to me.


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