A Change of Scene, with No Regrets

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: World on Stage or Screen


When a man is young he pines for all woman. Nevertheless, wrecklessness and lust can cloud anyone's judgment in some of the worst ways imaginable...

Submitted: April 09, 2016

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Submitted: April 09, 2016

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‘And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. You have no idea how unproductive it is to fall in and out of you as often as I do. And, lately I’ve been feeling grey, but today, I’m alright no thanks to you. The thing is that you're not going to be there for me no matter what. Because I know what I want, and don't need what I get. You only want me part of the time. You only want me when you hurt.’ My cell phone vibrates, the ringtone goes off, and his name appears. I answer.

“I need to see you,” He says over the phone.

“See me about what?” I ask him.

“I just want to see you?”

“Need, then want? When?”

“Now. Please.”

“Where?” I grow impatient with this boy, but I would be lying if I said I don’t want see him.

“Raleigh’s Pond. I’ll pick you up.”

“I’ll just meet you.”

“Ok,” He answers, he seems surprised that I did not give in to him. We hang up. I put on a jacket, put my hair into a pony tail and head downstairs. I can see from inside that it’s a beautiful evening out.

The pond is only a couple of miles from my home, so I start walking. The pond is in the center of Raleigh’s Park. There are benches, and a playground too, but the park seems empty when I get there. The path ways around the pond are lined with tall, shady Eucalyptus trees. Last summer, we scratched our initials into the bark of one of the trees. Soon after, he took me home and stayed over for a while. That same night, we watched the sunset from inside my bedroom. There, in my bedroom, he held me very tenderly, running his fingers so smoothly on my arm. I just burrowed deeper into his chest with each one of his strokes.

“I can’t imagine anything better right now,” I remember him saying.

He was such a sweet boy. He is a sweet boy, but, not mine anymore. That was last summer. A new summer is just beginning, yet we are far from what we once were, something real. However, he’s loved other women, though he won’t admit it sometimes. He can’t admit that he falls in love too quickly, and with the wrong women too. When I confront him about the others, he says, “They’re just friends. They don’t mean anything, not nearly as much as you do.”

This means nothing to me, because he chooses to be with them rather than with me. I would ask myself, ‘What am I doing wrong? What can I do to be better for him? Why doesn’t he love me anymore?’ I’ve stopped asking the wrong questions. But, sometimes…Sometimes I can’t help but feel so strongly about him. He is a sweet boy, a very sweet boy. I know that he loved me once.

“Where is he?” I whisper to myself. I look around. The park is so beautiful at dusk, the sun hits the water in a way that seems to change its color. Bursts of purple, orange, red, and blue cover the sky, and then I see him. He smiles at me, and I smile back. ‘No. Don’t smile,’ I tell myself, and I look down.

“What’s wrong?” He asks me, he seems so concerned. He puts his hands to my face and tries to lift it in order to look into my eyes. I want to cry so bad, I feel sick.

“Everything,” I tell him.

“What do you mean?” He seems shocked.

“Us. I can’t let you hurt me anymore,” I continue.

“I never meant too…” He says.

“I know you didn’t, I know. You’re a sweet boy, and I loved you.”

“Loved?” He questions.

“I don’t like you hurting me, that isn’t what love is.”

“But I love you.”

“Who else have you told that too since we’ve been together,” He stays quiet, he doesn’t know what to say.

“I haven’t been the best man to you, which I know. But, you’re the only woman I see myself with.”

“For how long this time?” He stays quiet once again, there’s nothing he can say to save himself from the inevitable. “It’s just not worth getting upset over anymore.”

“You can’t…”

“I have to.”

“Please…”

“No.”

“What if we go get a coffee and talk some more?”

“Not this time. I have to go now.”

“Please…You don’t know how much I love you.”

“I have a pretty good idea…I’m not sorry for this, but I hope you’ll understand one day…For now, goodbye,” I finished, I finished because there is nothing else to say anymore.

I look at the sweet boy once more and begin walking home. I turn around only once to see him. He stands there, almost motionless, watching the sun set, just like it had last summer.


© Copyright 2017 C. Avina. All rights reserved.

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