Otis the Caticorn

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is basically just a script I wrote for my advanced writing course, to see how outrageous I could make it without the teacher failing me. I got an A+, surprisingly.

Submitted: July 11, 2010

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Submitted: July 11, 2010

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OTIS THE CATICORN:

SEARCH FOR THE HOLY PHISH

CHARACTERS

Otis the Caticorn....................... a half cat, half unicorn

who is grumpy, and

serious. Dislikes being

around other creatures.

Blue the Seallamorse.................... a half llama, half

seahorse who lives to

annoy Otis, and go on

random ‘adventures.’

Perrywinkle the Dragoon................. a half dragon, half

baboon, who, like Blue,

lives to annoy and go on

random ‘adventures.’

Chuckarae Norrisarus.................... a dinosaur who loves to

tell jokes.

John the Fisherman...................... human fisherman who is

obsessed with shoes.

Assorted characters.

Act 1, Scene 1

Setting: Opens to sound of pots and pans colliding. Everything is dark blue as far as the eye can see. Otis is laying on the ground.

Enter Blue and Perrywinkle hitting

pots and pans together as they walk.

Blue: (Enthusiastically) Otis!

Perrywinkle: (Enthusiastically) Otis!

Blue and Perrywinkle: (Simultaneously) Otis!

Otis: (Lifting his head up slowly) What do you two want? (Annoyed) Don’t you see I’m trying to sleep?

Blue and Perrywinkle: (Simultaneously) Otis!

Otis: I’m right here! What?!

Blue: We’re gonna search for the Holy Phish!

Perrywinkle: Yeah Otis, we;re gonna search for the Holy Phish! With a P H!

Otis: Why is there a P H? Wait, what?

Blue: The Holy Phish, Otis!

Perrywinkle: The Holy Phish!

Blue: Yeah, Otis! Come on!

Otis: I don’t even know what a Holy Phish is! Why must you do these things to me?!

Perrywinkle: The Holy Phish, Otis!

Blue: Lets find it! (Nibbles on Otis’ ear)

Otis: (Pushes Blue away) Stop it already! Fine! I’ll help you find the Holy Phish!

Blue and Perrywinkle: (Simultaneously)Yay, Otis, yay! (Dragged out words)

Blue and Perrywinkle prance off stage with

Otis unenthusiastically following behind.

Act 1, Scene 2

Setting: Opens to the sound of the wind and a fishing rod being cast. A long rope bridge over a canyon is shown. A man is standing on the opposite side of the bridge with a fishing rod, blocking the way.

Enter Blue, Perrywinkle, and Otis.

Blue and Perrywinkle are skipping, singing

Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley.

Otis is muttering angrily

Blue and Perrywinkle: (Simultaneously) Never gonna give, never gonna give, give you up!

Otis: (Annoyed) Why can’t you ever shut up! That song is so over

played!

Blue: But we’re never gonna give you up, Otis!

Perrywinkle: Yeah, Otis! Never!

Blue: Never!

Otis: (Groans) I hate you two.

Blue and Perrywinkle: (Simultaneously) We love you too, Otis!

Otis: (Groans again and points towards the other end of the bridge) Hey, look over there.

Blue: (Whispering) Never gonna give, never gonna give.

Perrywinkle: (Whispering) Give you up.

Otis: (Annoyed) Quiet! Look over there, it’s a human.

Perrywinkle: Oh em eff gee! Lets go speak to him!

Blue: Yeah, lets go speak to the human!

Otis: No! He might be dangerous!

John walks over towards the three.

Blue: Yay! He’s coming to us!

Perrywinkle: Wooooot! He’s coming with a rod of some sort!

John: Hello there strangers, where are you off to?

Blue: We’re off to find te Holy Phish! Do you know the way?

Perrywinkle: Yeah! The Holy Phish! With a P H!

John: No, I don’t know where the Holy Phish is, but I do know that you’re not getting past me.

Otis: Please let us through so I can go home and sleep again.

John: I’m sorry, I can’t let you past me.

Blue: What did the five fingers say to the face?

Otis: Blue! No violence!

Blue: (Hangs head in shame) Yes Master.

John: (Sits down on bridge and plays with his feet) Do you like shoes? I like shoes. Shoes are great. Don’t you agree? (Keeps rambling on about shoes)

Otis: So this guy likes shoes, huh? Lets go and find some shoes, maybe then he’ll let us pass.

Perrywinkle: Yeah! Lets go get some shoes at Mount Volcano!

Blue: Yeah! Mount Volcano, Otis!

Blue, Perrywinkle, and Otis exit.

Act 2, Scene 1

Setting: Opens to the sound of bubbling, and distant incoherent mutterings. Large volcano is at center stage.

Enter Blue, Perrywinkle, and Otis.

Otis: Tell me again how there’s a volcano on Pluto?

Blue: Magic, Otis!

Perrywinkle: Yeah, Otis! Magiccc!

Otis: Right... Magic. Tell me again why I hang out with you guys? Or girls... I don’t really know what you two are.

Blue: Shun the non-believer!

Perrywinkle: Shunnnnnnn!

Otis: (Sighs) You two will be the death of me.

Perrywinkle:(Points to the volcano) Look over there, Otis! It’s the Chuckarae Norrisarus!

Blue: Chuckarae Norrisarus, Otis!

Perrywinkle: Chuckarae!

Otis: (Looks to the volcano) What the heck?

Chuckarae Norrisarus comes down from his

perch on top of the volcano.

Chuckarae: Chuckarae Norrisarus can kill two stones with one bird!

Otis: Huh?

Chuckarae: There is no “Ctrl” button on Chuckarae Norrisarus’ keyboard. Chuckarae Norrisarus is ALWAYS in control!

Otis: What are you saying?

Chuckarae: When Chuckarae Norrisarus falls in water, Chuckarae Norrisaurus doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuckarae Norrisarus!

Otis: (Frustrated) You make no sense! Stop it!

Blue: Chuckarae Norrisaurus can touch MC Hammer!

Perrywinkle: Chuckarae Norrisarus doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin, and the other nine faint!

Otis: What the heck, guys?

Blue and Perrywinkle: (Simultaneously laughing) Ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Chuckarae Norrisaurus points to the volcano,

a bright light comes out from the top,

and a pair of red sparkly high heels

emerge. Dramatic music plays.

Blue: Behold, the magical shoes of Wow!

Perrywinkle: Wow!

Otis: Wow?

Perrywinkle: Wow!

Blue runs up and grabs the shoes,

the music stops abruptly and

Chuckarae Norrisarus bursts into

flames and vanishes.

Otis, Perrywinkle, and Blue walk away.

Otis: I’m not even going to ask...

A group of napkin dispensers with wings

fly overhead, squawking “soi soi soi soi soi”

Otis: ... I’m DEFINITELY not going to ask about THAT... Just keep walking, Otis...

The three exit, with Blue giggling and

stroking the shoes lovingly.

Act 2, Scene 2

Setting: Opens to the sound of John the Fisherman rambling about shoes, still. The bridge is shown with John sitting in the middle, playing with his feet.

Otis: Hey, you! Human! We got you some shoes.

John: (Looks up quickly, shocked expression) Shoes?! (Jumps up and runs over, grabbing the shoes and nuzzling them against his cheek) Shoooooessssssss!

Otis: ... Yeah. Shoes. Now, let us past.

John: (Ignores Otis and keeps nuzzling the shoes) They’re so pretty... Shoessss...

Otis: Alright then... Lets just go past here... (Walks around John and signals for Perrywinkle and Blue to follow, they do so.)

Bridge: Crrreeeaaakkk.

Otis: Did you two hear that?

Blue: Hear what, Otis?

Perrywinkle: Yeah, Otis, what?

Otis: That creak. The bridge said creak.

Blue: You’re insane, Otis!

Perrywinkle: Insane!

Bridge: Crreeeaaakkk.

Otis: (Frantic) There it is again!

Blue: Insane, Otis!

Otis: I’m not insane! Lets get off this freakin’ bridge! (Runs the rest of the way off the bridge, Perrywinkle and Blue walk behind.)

As Blue and Perrywinkle step off the bridge,

the land dissolves, and a giant fish

appears in front of them.

Blue: It’s the Holy Phish, Otis!

Perrywinkle: The Holy Phish! We found the Holy Phish!

Otis: Wow... It really does exist... That’s some pretty cool shi-(Gets cut off)

Holy Phish: SCRAWLLLLLL! (Eats Blue, Perrywinkle, and Otis)

THE END.


© Copyright 2020 CadenInProgress. All rights reserved.

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