Chapter 1: Febuary 3rd
What someone would think is an incredibly normal day to someone else it’s the best day of their natural born lives. He hadn’t lived very long, but his life and been filled with experience, both good and bad, that he would take with him to the grave. Out of all the people at his upstanding sixth form he understood that many of these people, even though they lived as long as him, hadn’t actually lived. Most of them lived a sheltered life unable to see through the blinds their parents crafted for them. This made him very alone at school, as much as people tried to reach out to him he wouldn’t respond; so in the end people stopped reaching out and he managed to finally get peace in his own world. Many of his fellow classmates thought of him as an outsider and many hated him because he wasn’t afraid of life. She too hadn’t lived very long only a year longer than him, but her life too was full of experience and this helped the two of them form a bond together almost instantly which they both thought was unbreakable. As much as she tried to open him up it wouldn’t work, he closed himself off to the world to stop himself from being hurt and letting someone new into his life was scary for him; he tried anyway breaking his own laws he set to live his life by he allowed this girl into his life and with that things wouldn’t be the same again. Was this judgement call a mistake?
The day seemed ordinary at the start he raised himself out of his dream state and pulled himself back to reality, his day started much like any other teenagers the essentials from first wake where done to the best his half conscious brain would allow him. Tying his final shoe lace he stepped out the door dressed in a black suit with a messenger bag over his shoulder he headed towards his friends house for the journey to school much like any other. Little did he know his empty hearted effort at school would lead him to something much greater. Like most Thursday’s his class was let out after 3 lessons and he began the walk home with his friends either side of him; by the time he got to the other site of the duel sixth form his friends had already left him and he was finally allowed to drown out the world with excessively loud music. He had never enjoyed school and his only reason for going was to keep his parents happy but as much as he tried to get on his own beliefs collided and he was stuck in a never ending battle to try and not become another social robot.
The trip home ended quicker than expected and he flailed himself onto his bed after changing out of his uniform, his day had been boring and dull and expected nothing more of the days to come which to him, seemed never changing. His parents weren’t expected back for a while yet so he plugged in the Xbox 360 and logged himself in. One of his true escapes in life was gaming one which he knew would follow him forever and one which he also knew would become a problem in future life, but today wasn’t the future and he could enjoy what was happening now rather than worrying about tomorrow. His day continued on being as dreary and boring as could be expected. The clock struck 4 and with it his dad and younger sibling came to play on the PS3 as he retreated downstairs to his computer and with it his own favourite hobby.
The boy had always wanted to be a writer and would spend hours in fact thinking up of new plots and new story lines. His computer sprung to life with a tap of the mouse and he logged on to check his emails and in the corner of his screen a white box popped up he clicked it and the screen flashed to life, what had once been an empty desktop now had a chat screen opened. He didn’t know her although he thought he did, his memory used to serve him well but was unsure now he knew her name but only through the messenger and couldn’t be sure how he met her. He typed in on the keyboard something highly pointless and inappropriate even though he knew English well he was still unable to escape from the social identity created for him as a teenager, he quickly typed into the computer;
Him: “Hold tight your DP”
Him: “Your DP”
Her: “What about it?”
Her: “Ok ...”
Him: “I like the tat”
Him: “No Problem”
Him: “Why roses?”
Her: “Its different i guess”
Him: “What’s popular?”
Her: “Stars and butterflies that shiz”
Him: “I’m getting a sparrow”
Her: “Cool i’ve got 2”
Him: “What else you got?”
Him: “Very nice i wanna get more when i’m older”
Him: “Hopefully cheap”
Him: “You thinking about getting anymore?”
Her: “Yeah i’m getting my little girls name with her date of birth and death down my spine”
Him: “What happened?”
Her: “She died when she was 5 hours old”
Her: “I know”
Him: “I don’t know how i’d survive”
Her: “It was hard because I was only 15 but yano these things happen in life nd there's nuffin we can do to stop them from happening”
Him: “Always look on the bright side huh”
Him: “I hate when people are all depressed about stuff”
Her: “Well i’m not depressed”
Him: “Good to know i’ve been there and it aint as fun as it looks”
Her: “No point in being depressed just live life happily”
Him: “I should’ve started this convo with ‘how are you?’ really”
Her: “I’m great thanks how about you?”
Him: “I’m okay tired as hell tho -.-“
Her: “Get your head down then”
Him: “Too far to my bed”
Him: “I have to go all the way upstairs”
Him: “I’m talking to you now so its all good”
Her: “You don’t have to stay awake for me”
Him: “No point in both of us being alone”
Him: “I’ll sleep well enough when i’m dead anyway”
Her: “What did you mean when you said hold tight your DP?”
Him: “I meant i like your DP”
Her: “Yours is pretti nice aswell ;)”
Him: “You can’t actually see anything but thanks”
Her: “I can see a good looking lad who needs to think more positively about himself”
Him: “Maybe i do”
Her: “There’s no maybe about it you ARE a good looking lad”
Her: “No problem, I only speak the truth”
Him: “You’re pretty good looking yourself yano”
Her: “Thanks but i don’t feel it atm”
Him: “Why not?”
Her: “Just feel fat and ugly”
Him: “You don’t look it from here”
Her: “I know i’m not fat i dunno if i’m ugly thats just how i feel”
Him: “You shouldn’t feel that way baby”
Her: “I know i shouldn’t”
Him: “So don’t”
Her: “Okaii sweetie”
Him: “You help me i’ll help you”
Her: “Thank you”
Him: “My Pleasure”
Her: “I’m going to my nans ill be back on in a little while xx”
Him: “Okay baby xx”
Her: “Text me if you like 07865439867”
Him: “I’m sure i will”
Her: “Okiee xx”
Him: “Cya xxx”
The boy leans back into his chair, his encounter was strange only through talking with her for an hour or so he felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time, his last year had been a tough one filled with turmoil and pain; very few people in his life actually knew what he had been through the one who knew the most was his best friend Lewis, one who had been with him through it all even when he wasn’t the easiest person to be around; his last year had began with him chasing the girl he had wanted ever since he could remember and just as he had finally reached her she pulled away and he lost her forever. He played the soldier and covered his emotions well so he didn’t seem weak but inside he was falling to pieces he sometimes wandered if he risked too much to be with her; he risked his friends his family even his future to be able to have a single chance at kissing her he knew even today that he wouldn’t go back to change things, he’d risk it all again for that single insignificant green light at the end of the tunnel even though he’d know it was just an oncoming train. He never once blamed his past for who he was he had made decisions even if they weren’t the right ones he had to make a choice and last year that choice cost him everything. He didn’t like to think about his past so picking up his phone he decided today was a day to aim for the future and hopefully have something he hadn’t had in a long time, something real.
Flicking up the screen to his phone he tapped around entering the messaging section and typed in the girls number “Hey, figured i’d give you my number.” Hitting send he closed his phone screen and headed upstairs; his phone vibrated in his pocket and while opening the door to his room checked the message he had gotten in reply, for some unknown reason still a mystery to him today, he smiled when he saw it was her that had sent him the message clicking the read button he lay back on his bed “Who is this?” he quickly replied realising his mistake “Its me we just spoke on msn sorry i must’ve forgotten to tell you.” He hit the send button and closed his eyes; he didn’t know what he was doing following his heart hadn’t led him well to do in the past. The phone buzzed in his hands and he flicked up the screen clicking read he studied the message “oh hey don’t worry about it its my bad should’ve figured it was you really whats up?” He didn’t really know what to reply he had a knack for talking to girls but something seemed different this time; with his experience last year he was still wary about letting someone into his life completely, though deep down inside he wanted to let her in, he began to text back “Nothing just bored since you left really Wbu?” He clicked send and waited for a response taking out a pack of cigarettes he lifted the lid and slipped out the cigarette into his mouth, flicking his lighter back he struck the wheel and lit the end till it burnt a vibrant red. Inhaling gently he allowed the smoke to run down his throat into his lungs, smoking was something he started years ago but only really got into it recently; although he knew it was killing him a part of him believed that his time would come whether he did it or not, so why not enjoy life and allow yourself to relax every now and then. His phone vibrated and he left the cigarette on the side burning slowly while he read the text, “Aww bless you, i’m just on my way to my nans i’ll text you when i get back bye xx.” He quickly texted back “Bye” and hit the send button.
It was strange he wanted to let her in but didn’t at the same time, he knew sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best and others you should run for cover; what he didn’t know was which of those moments this was. He felt a strange emptiness after she left it was getting close to seven and he was tired but didn’t really want to sleep, what else was there to do? She was obviously busy and he didn’t want to seem desperate or needy so instead he waited he figured she’d come to him if she was interested if she wasn’t then he wouldn’t waste his time trying to push something that would probably never happen, he took his cigarette back into his mouth and drew on it inhaling then blowing rings around his room he stubbed it out and took off his shirt; he was well built, compared to some people, and he wasn’t afraid of showing what he’d been working on grabbing a bottle he headed to the bathroom and filled it up with water. He moved back into his room and reset his alarm, Friday the last day of his dreadful week the only pain was knowing in two days it would all start again he lay back down in bed and closed his eyes wishing something would change his life...
© Copyright 2017 Caedes. All rights reserved.
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