My Experiences in Love and Relationships

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
My life experiences with the opposite sex.

Submitted: June 24, 2011

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Submitted: June 24, 2011

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First thing I want to make perfectly clear is that this is my life, experiences and feelings. I have no problems using the last names on people I mention however if this ever reaches real publication, it is believed I could be sued. The events and locations are not changed. I don't believe in ragging on people and telling their dirty little secrets but now my life is pretty much over at 48. I have done and seen a lot plus feeling I have nothing to lose. I have to get this all out so I can sort out my life and figure where I went wrong to find myself in the predicament I am in now. I am a very open and friendly person and if you meet me and get to know me then know what I say about myself is true. I will write about things in subjects, some stuff may overlap, some may not but it all ties together.

 

How can I start this? I have never been one for really opening up about anything. But then again, I really never knew anyone who really cared about my story. I guess this is where I should talk or discuss my feelings on love and practicality.

 

We all seek that one true love in our life. To share, to feel, to be loved and have the ability to give it back. Only God knows I have had my shares of ups and downs and made fatal mistakes regarding the greatest gift of all. I know the Holy Trinity loves and cares for me however it is the love of one person that has eluded me for the greater part of my life. However, I feel at times when I meet and am truly attracted to someone, I can be a Ol' Blue hound dog. This is the type of dog if you take care of them and show them even a little love, they will do whatever you want them to do. I can fall hard for someone quickly and it hurts like hell emotionally when they leave on their own because they have met someone, fell out of love, or, I feel, they were just setting me up to hurt me intentionally. I have always respected and grateful with the women whom I have been with. They chose to share some part of their life with me and that is a great gift someone can give to another. Sharing their life.

 

I, as a human being, had crushes and dreams of being with the girls I grew up with. My first remembrance of someone special was Debbie S., not to say there were not others I liked including but not excluding Ilona W., Robin, Karen, etc. My father was never around so I never was instructed or shown how to approach women. My mother was raised during the fifties so I was raised in the same manner of having manners, being respectful, etc and since I was lacking in the graces of courtship, I was considered to be and called a “fag” or “gay”. Not that I was already feeling awkward enough around girls, that made me even more insecure since they shyed away from me even more.

 

In grade school, there was a game played with full names. The names were written out and compared with the letters in TRUE LOVE. You counted up all the occurrences of the letter you were counting and then added the number up. The sum was the percentage of True Love you had with that person. Kid games and growing pains. Another thing which I feel messed me up was moving all time. From the time I entered grade school till I graduated, I had attended 9 different schools in 11.5 years. This is not conducive to holding steady relationships.

 

I went to fifth and sixth grade with Debbie, and she wore glasses, had braces, flat chested and looked really geeky. Next time I saw her was two years later, the summer before I started high school. She was amazing. So I thought, better than sliced bread. Great smile, radiant, all those things I never noticed and more. We took daily walks, almost kissed, held hands a lot. She came over to the house and vice-versa but never went much further than that. I blew that in a couple of months after school had started by saying, when asked if we were seeing each other, “no”. Never really came close again to feeling something for someone until I joined the Navy, once again, not to say there were others like Joanne O. at Lafayette High, Tommy Sue S. at Jesus the Good Shepard private Catholic School, Tish B. at Neville High School, Laurie H. at Lafayette High School, etc. I also had this thing for one of the varsity cheerleaders from Neville High and her name was Helen B. Had the chance to kiss her once with her boyfriend right there, who was also the starting quarterback for the varsity team. Once again, fear and intimidation got ahold of me and made the excuse he would beat me up. I also had this thing for a popular TV show, Charlie's Angels. So I made all the cheerleaders my angels. Asked each and everyone if they would be part of my angels so I nicknamed the varsity cheerleaders, David's Angels.

 

At homecoming freshman year, I asked Helen's sister if she would be my date and she agreed. After we arrived at the dance, she claimed to be sick and needed to go home. I was dejected and felt so low, kinda like what John Travolta sang about in “Grease”, “Being stranded at the Drive-In”. I saw her later that night riding in a car with her friends, and she tried to hide her face from me. Everyone at the dance knew what she did and knew it was wrong. However, that did not change what happened or how I felt. So my interaction with the opposite sex grew even more cautious.

My first real encounter with a member of the opposite sex was Laurie from Royal Oaks, MI. Teresa P. gave me my first kiss at the City swimming pool in Monroe, LA but it was Laurie, from Royal Oak, who introduced me to the wonderful world of sex.

 

When I met and started talking to Teresa, we used to talk so long on the phone, me being in Monroe and she in West Monroe, my mom commented our relationship would go down in history as the only one ever conducted solely on the telephone. When I met Laurie, it was at the base bowling alley in Chicago, IL. We talked on the phone, and exchanged letters (hers were always perfumed and smelled great). I had an opportunity to visit her for a whole weekend and she sent me a cut black feather in the mail. I had no idea what it meant. My first night there we kissed and hugged a lot while her aunt and uncle slept upstairs. The next day she informed me I would not be safe that night and thusly, my virginity came to an end that night at the age of 18.

 

I used to travel by train from Chicago to Detroit to see her when I did not have the duty for the weekend. On one of those trips, I met Geralyn S. and we played Rummy 500 and talked for 4 straight hours and then before exiting the train, she asked if she could write to me even though I had a girlfriend. She wrote me every week stating how much she felt about me and always wishing me the best, even asked me how I was doing with my relationship at the time.

 

Well, I flew Laurie down to meet my family when I transferred from Chicago to Orlando. When she went back home, she said I was only an 8 in bed and she had found a 9. That was our breakup. Geralyn called me that night and after I explained what had happened, she offered to be my girlfriend and of course, feeling rejected and deeply alone, I accepted as any young man would in that situation. She constantly wrote me, I called when I could but I could not be faithful, being 18, and just introduced to sex and serving our nation in the Navy. I tried to follow in my father's footsteps by screwing as many women who would have me as I could. Eventually I was so egotistical, I tried to dump her off to a shipmate. He went to visit her and upon his return, I was informed that I had laid a bomb on him cause according to him, all she talked about was me and how much she felt for me. Eventually, she wrote me a letter telling me it was over. My heart dropped, almost stopped, my emotions hit a low I never wish to experience again, but currently I feel that way but it is my own decision. I knew at that moment, I had really lost something very special. I called her, apologized and invited her to Philadelphia, paid her way, hotel room for the weekend and little did I know it but I could have married her as well since she had permission from her parents. The weekend was something else and when my chief saw me taking a shower later that week, he was seriously considering bringing her up on charges for damaging government property due to the amount of so many hickeys all over my body. When I was discharged, I went to live with her and once again, I messed it up by being a drunken asshole, ended up losing her and no one has ever measured up and the happiness she brought me. Especially the happiness, not too many men ever hear the words, I want to have your baby.

 

I moved back to Louisiana and then to Florida, back to Louisiana, eventually ending up back in California where I did my boot camp for the US Navy. I stumbled around Los Angeles, and ended

up becoming involved with several religious organizations. There was a woman by the name of Carmel whom I really liked but never had the guts to approach her while attending Hope Chapel Hollywood and Brenda P. whom I taught Sunday School with to the 3-4 year olds.

 

I was living in North Hollywood, working a security post in West LA when I met and got invited to go to a service. This organization was the International Churches of Christ led by Kip McKean. I was asked out a couple of times by a woman named Katey who worked in the church office and she told me I was too needy to have anyone in my life. No explanation, just that I was too needy. I have never been stalked or had people putting their nose into my life like this woman named Denise N. I met did. She had to know every single little detail about my life. I thought this was great and she was infatuated with me, little did I know what she had planned.

 

On a personal note, I should explain that when you are a member of this organization, you are not allowed date or marry outside the church, you are encouraged to take the single women out and if you want to step it up and being more than friends, you have to get permission and counseling to date exclusively, and then more intense counseling and permission if you want to get married.

 

I will admit there were some very attractive and personable women in that organization, however, I knew it along with several others that this woman, Denise was on a mission to make my life a living hell. I found out that as a teen, she was convicted of stalking a classmate. After my father, uncle and best friend, Ben, passed, I observed her kissing a female on the mouth fully, a french kiss, exchanging tongues in mouth, in front of the whole West Los Angeles sector during a service in Culver City while she was serving as a usherette. She, also, was allowed to meet privately with the pastor who was in charge of our sector, Marty W., and that was against the rules of the organization. I will admit I was infatuated with her while I was preparing to join the organization but once I found out she was not interested, I moved on. Then seeing Denise kissing that woman full on the mouth was the final straw and I had to leave the organization. I had it with the hypocrisy and favoritism. More on that in another chapter.

 

However, to this day, I still feel that Denise is still stalking me and trying to keep her hooks in me as best she can and doing her best to ruin my life. I understand someone once had asked her why she was doing what she did to me and she replied, “Cause he is an asshole.” I heard from a friend of mine, Rob S. who also had left the organization soon after I did, that Denise married a member by the name of Peter C. from South Carolina. So now she is Denise Noelle C. unless she divorced him thusly spoiling the self proclaimed record of the organization of never having a couple divorce while in the church.

 

I eventually met and married a philipina who eventually became my wife and 4 years later,my ex-wife, mother to my only child, Julie while living in Venice, CA. Before I met Julie, I had accepted the fact of being a bachelor for the rest of my life and live it as such. There is a feeling of getting serious when you lose a parent. My father died of lung cancer 3 days before Christmas. I always wanted to have a kid and leave a great legacy but I felt that it was not in the cards. I was living in Venice, working in Beverly Hills at a non-profit and taking the bus. That is where I met Julie. She was living with her sister and brother-in-law when I met her. It was a quick courtship and eventually got married in Vegas. I had no idea she already had planned what she was gonna do. I loved her and truly had those feelings, knew she was in America illegally but I did not care and wanted to make her right with immigration so I did helped with that after our son was born. I made sure she made all her appointments, went to the classes, baby shopping, etc. She did give me a son and will be forever grateful for that however, about two years prior to leaving me and departing with our son, we stopped having sex. Her mother and sister never liked or cared for me, I was just a means to an end which was her green card and Jeanluc was her anchor baby.

 

She filed for divorce when I told her that I was gonna pass probation with the City of LA, but I did not get served till a week before the hearing. While I cleaning up the guest bathroom and my son's room for a renter, I had trouble moving/lifting the weight scale. The reason being is either a member of her family or someone helping her had taken a crap on the newly tiled floor and put the weight scale on it. That just showed how immature these people were to deal with and have avoided same since then or tried to.

 

After that, it has been a series of “Looking for Love in All The Wrong Places” relationships. It is not worth it going into all the people, situations and reasons why it did not work out. This included being in the swinging lifestyle. At first, it is just an animal thing, filling the animal desire and lust we all have but in the end, and I speak as a single male, you are pursuing another avenue of trying to find someone to be with. I have been to Gary & Margaret's in Loma Linda, CA and found it to be very clickish and you can get banned just because you refuse to sleep with someone. I met people from a site called Kasidie.com and also find this is just mostly for couples and single females. They say single males are welcome but this just isn't the case as you go to “Meet & Greet” parties, the husbands get really jealous if the wife finds a single male to be what she desires however it is okay if he finds a single female he wants to sleep with. Case in point, a couple by the name of DoubleDogDare ran parties at a restaurant in Riverside on Tuesday nights called Pink Taco Tuesdays. After awhile, I found it frustrating to be there since the married men jumped on, and I do mean jumped, any single female who ventured into that zone including a few that I had brought. I was informed by the wife there were lots of married women who found me very alluring including herself, a lookalike for Rose on Two and a Half Men, however the husbands did not allow the wives to pursue their desires.

 

Just wanting to be with another person, no matter who or what they are, is not an answer to a happy and fulfilling life. I find myself wanting to be in Texas with a lady who shares the same interests, wants and desires that I do. Talking to her on the phone and sending emails along with texts helps but it is not the same as being there.

 

After all these years of wanting, hoping and searching, I strongly believe I have found the one person I can stay with till my time is over. However, only time will tell and the ocean is getting smaller as to the type of person we want as we all find out who we really want to be with and why. It is more the emotional and mental psyche than it is the physical which it undoubtedly part of any relationship. As long as there is strong communication and support, relationships endure. Both my grandparents had only one partner and both lasted until their physical deaths. But isn't that what we all want? Not someone just to fill time with, but the one we can ultimately trust with our lives with, share, and have no reservations about how they feel about us. The price is definitely more than we can even begin to imagine for we have to truly open and reveal ourselves to that person, but the reward is even greater.

 

Are you willing to pay the ultimate price for the greatest gift one person can bestow upon another?

UPDATE: The relationship in Bridgeport, TX is off. How many times can you tell a person they can't move there cause there isa problem? I hate liars, cheaters, and teasers. Still moving to Texas, just a little later than planned. Found a nice place in Fort Worth by the freeway.

UPDATE (Nov 16, 2013)  I am on Facebook quite a bit now and making friends.  Recently I met someone at a convention and she just swept me off my feet by doing NOTHING!!!!  Once you have been married, you know what you want and can't wait to have it.  It is hard when you meet someone you want to to be with and you have to be patient for them.  Divorce is a hard thing to overcome.  You have to overcome all sorts of feelings and really not try to fall back into a pattern.  Both sets of my grandparents only knew each other for their whole lives and raised a total of 10 children between them.  You pray to find the one person who compliments your life and you their's.  It is difficult to be there for someone when they need to talk, cry on your shoulder, watch a movie by the fire with (low lights, hot chocolate, snuggled underneath a large blanket) either in bed or on a couch.  Spend the day in bed just cuddling, enjoying each other especially if it is rainy day.  I have found someone I want to do all those things with and really look forward to spending more and more time with her until she feels comfortable enough to say she wants me around all the time.  

Anyway, I have moved to Mississippi and reside just below Memphis, TN.  I hope to relocate in a few months.  

I will keep updating this monologue as things change or have new opinions to share.  Currently working on a piece regarding friends and family but it is hard when the memories cause all those emotions and vice versa.


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