The fire was love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Looking up a long lost love.

Submitted: July 09, 2008

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Submitted: July 09, 2008

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The fire was love
The fire was love. It held her rooted.There is no accidental plan. Sandra believed that love was destined. There was so much colour as the experience was recalled that she fell deep into the memories and how he had wheeled her into his passion.Now, the memories resembled more fantasy than reality.
Did longing seize with distance and time? Would the natural longing for love be so huge that one always feel the loss?
Sandra nods her head slowly. Time had passed but he was alwayspresent in her thoughts but it was only recently that she had began to play with the idea that she could consider taking some action.She scarcely knew where to begin. She shuts her eyes.
Where could he be now? How old would he be? 50,60 years old?Did he ever look for her as she had hoped?She hungers to see his name in print in Google, or Firefox, or Kanoe. She clicks the pages and notices the name and decides this could be him
and then notices a dozen other names printed with the same characters. Of course what should she expect?Did all these men with the same name live in the same city?
As strongly as she wants to find him she’s not without doubt or hesitation.
Sandra walks to the window and looks out at the steady rain that has been coming down.
The computer she decides is cold and unreceptive, too small to express such grand passions, for such great need, and for such reunion.She also felt hesitant having to reveal thoughts and feelings over a computer having to speak to strangers but this sudden and intense desire to connect again was so strong though she wondered if she felt ready as she should be..
How she felt about herself had a lot to do with what she could or not attempt to do .Her
mental self-image had a lot to do with reality and it was a great cause to hold her aback or
enable her act upon it. There were two main reasons that contributed to her
holding back. The first had to do with self-image and self-expectation and what she
believed she could achieve. The second reason was her fear.Fear of loss, fear of being
rejected and fear of failing or being wrong.These expectation and fears often prevented
her from taking risks even when the logic told her that the outcome would probably be
positive. Her fears more then her expectations often prevented her from making positive
changes. and while she was feeling unhappy with the present she also feared that things
could be worst especially if what she hoped for would not materialize. She also
considered there was no guarantee to the outcome of the risk and maybe seek to stay safe
and leave things be.
This decision particularly effected her sensuality especially because she also felt that she
was no longer physically attractive not sensual nor romantic enough and she lacked the
qualities she believed to be a good mate.
Starting off with the feeling that she was somewhat deficient was causing her to restrain
herself instead of taking the risk.She found herself shying awas from acting and
wanting to procrastinate instead and rather then seek what she really wanted ,she saw
Herself hesitating more, believing less that she would be able to find the person who
could make her happy. Maybe she should wait to take the time to create a new self-
Image that reflected now what she should like to see herself rather then how she might
Might have seen herself in the past.While carrying this fantasy out she reasoned that the
worst outcome would be rejection or worst not being remembered at all.Of course
she could also look at this new initiative as an experimental process that could free her to
try new things.Experiments she learned are never right or wrong they are merely
unbiased tests the outcome of which proves the point, and then no decision is forever.In
anycase she could always change her mind and go back to her ordinary life or perhaps it
was easier to go ahead and try something new.
Life is always changing unfortunately she might have waited too long until things became desperate before she was decided to take steps towards initiating changes.
Maybe something could be saved of the relationship before everything turned to dust.
There was no perfect moment to act.We create the perfect time.
Sandra gets up from her bed almost in high spirit heads straight to the computer and begins to type his name on the keyboard.But the injection of high spirit began to dissipate as she screens the first gentlemen that replies to her e-mail and learns that she has been unsuccessful in locating him however was also surprised to learn that he was most eager to help in any way he could and repeatedly spoke to her afterwards. The next profile seemed quite a shrewd and tough and looked considerably young to be the man she was looking for.Another profile was of a stout balding man with moustache who appeared
inebriated.
“ I appreciate you looking me up more then I can say but you should return to your search
he needs you more”he MSNned.
She fought hard not to show her disappointment and nodded politely and realized she had
been holding her breath. She breathed slowly as not to show her distress with the next
gentlemen online.
“I do not want to discourage you but I must warn you that your chance to find your guy is
difficult “ he told her.
“Your visit to my website is delightful, a respite from my daily tasks.I hope that you
look me up again. You must write this address down.”
“I’m afraid I’ve already taken much of your time “ Sandra toldthe new person online and
thanked him.
After trying all the e-mail addresses on the list and few hours had passed she was very
discouraged and decided it was time to call it quits. She felt beaten , a loser.
A terrible sob elemental and primitive escaped her. She had lost him. He was never hers.
Why could she not resign herself?
Sandra withdrew from the computer reached for his photograph and touches his face. She
she whispers his name:“ I cannot forget you”she says.
Rosa Arlotto
June 19, 2008


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