I'm So Tired

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
just wondering when all the hate will end

Submitted: July 17, 2011

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Submitted: July 17, 2011

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I'm so tired of all this pain, so tired of all this hurtin, just waiting for the day when that sun can just shine down again. lookin at the moon, feel the regret, made a mistake got back up after a few days of hurt, but now I'm just back down there again. so far down, all i can see is black, I'm so scared, so very, very scared. i just want to smile once more, look at the world and not be so scared, I'm scared to speak my mind, I'm scared to tell you the truth, because i know you will leave. I'm such a fuck up, such a fool. where is the light? I've fallen so far down again i cant get up. help me all i can see is he black, no light no smiles, only the cold damp feeling of these tears.

when will i see the light again, see that certain sense of hope. please tell me when, please tell me how to see it. i miss it, but then again i don't. what the fuck is wrong with me, i know something just isn't tickin right. just rip me limb from limb, slowly but surely. rip out my heart see how it beats so slow, let he blood bleed out but the beat still go, alive but not living. take my mind out, see what makes me think, in this fucked up head of mine. take my hand, hold it, squeeze it, let me know that I'm not alone, but no squeeze back, no warm touch comes back to your hand. I'm alive but not living in this cold gray world.

people think i got it all, they think I'm confident, happy and secure. you just don't know me, I'm just a fuck up in this world, struggling to make it back, struggling to get back home. i see the truth i see the lies, i think the truth but say all the lies. don't believe what i say don't trust me all the way, 'cause ill break whatever you give me, that's all i can do after all. I'm just a fuck up, the trash of this world, let me sell myself at night, try to fill this hole.

im only a piece of meat, nothing more than a pretty face. so use me, abuse me like you always do. let the lies drown me like your words do. hit me again and again, just like you want to do, kill me like you want to do, hit me like you scream like you want to do. tell me more of how i fuck up your life.

let the lies drown me like they do, boobing up and down struggling to still swim. I'm going to sink soon, and ill never return, i thought i had hit rock bottom but there's just so much farther i can go. so much anger, so much hate, its just clawing at my insides, the scars no longer show on my skin but they show all over my insides. i weep at night, but want to bleed during the day, turn up the volume on the music, let the screaming take the pain away. let the music bang into my ears, shake my body till no more, its better than hearing my thoughts, because i really just want no more. struggling each day, I'm stronger than was before, but then again its just an illusion of myself, of the thing i truly want to be. why does it have to be this way? i try to be happy, i try to ignore all the hate and just give more love.... but my love has almost run out... when will this all end? please just tell me, stop getting my hopes for nothing i just want all this hate to end.


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