Gaslighted Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: September 27, 2018

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Submitted: September 27, 2018

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“Gaslighted Love”

By Candice Sandness

Rewind to one month before the 2016 U.S. presidential elections

Trump was in the news for glorifying sexual assault

Caught on video tape during his “locker room talk”

Stating that

“When you’re a star, they let you do whatever you want to them”

And you

Had stated also that you could do whatever you wanted

To my body

To my body

To my body

Rage took over and consumed his entire being

His mind clouded and tarnished with insurmountable anger

Could it be true that love could manifest itself this way?

Is it love when

He belittles you

Degrades you

Scorns you

Condemns you

Threatens you?

Calls you names you would never admit to your family or your best friend

She wholeheartedly believed that he was her everything

His angel

His Lewa

His sweetheart

She yearned for her title back

To satisfy her depleted self-esteem

After each fight, argument, disagreement or altercation

Why?

Was it to prove to herself that she was good enough?

Was it to fill her hollow cup with what she thought was love?

So that she could actually feel loved?

Were these the reasons why she sought his approval?

Why she convinced herself each time

That this tumultuous, dark storm would pass,

Because God promises that in our trials and tribulations

“That this too shall pass”

She craved for the calm after the storm

That it would come drastically sooner rather than later

She wanted this nightmare to end

She longed to hear her own joyous laughter

And to feel warmth from the sun again

She desired to stop being the reason

Why their relationship was in runs

There was no more enchantment being in his arms

No more kisses good night

No more affection or care

Only blame and fury

Her mind flashes

With his cutting words

As she stares into the darkness alone in her room

With just her own arms to hold her body

Hot tears streaming down her face

Alone

Swallowed up in despair, shock and racing thoughts

Her shameful secrets she buries 10 feet under

Making no vocal sounds

The accusations echoing in her memory

She then justifies his temper as merely temporary

Convincing herself once more that

“This too shall pass”

But the storm always came raging back

Is it love when he corners you

Grabs your face to silence you

And calls you

Bitch

Devil

Worthless pig

Cheating whore

I don’t care if you die

I hope he rapes you

I’m going to kill you!

The sheer terror sinks into her veins

Her body paralyzed with fear

Spiraling into a panic attack with shortening, gasping breaths

With a suffocating, heavy weight on her chest

Is it love when he apologizes

With soft, kind and believable promises

And returns with a dozen roses and lavish gifts

Is it love when he says that he loves you?

But then deceives you

And gaslights you?

Making you question your sanity after a work assault

Seven blows to her head

And two ER visits in four weeks’ time?

Is it love when

He says that you belong in the facility where you were attacked?

And says that you can’t tell the difference between delusions and facts?

It’s NOT love, sweet darling

It never was love

It’s time to replenish self-love from a new bud

There is a man out there worthy of your treasured love

Deserving of a precious daughter of God

You, sweet angel

You always were an angel

And right now, it just needs to be you and your guardian angel

To fill your barren cup with God’s love

Until it overflows, continuing infinitely

It will come, my love

Rest assured that you’ll be able to wade in the calm, cool waters

There is no more storm in sight

Lovely darling,

Sweet dreams,

Rest your eyes

Good night

 


© Copyright 2020 candi229. All rights reserved.

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