When Compared to the Fathomless Joy 5 Book One Hypo or The Journal of a Hypothyroid Male Part Five A Post-Diagnosis Journal 2014

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
From When Compared to the Fathomless Joy Book One

Submitted: December 31, 2014

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Submitted: December 31, 2014

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To a Christian Source

03/01/2014

1.

Hi. Ever since I became a Christian over 20 years ago, I've had an easy ride I'll admit it; good health, minimal persecution, and so on. But in the last three years, I've undergone what could be called character-testing perhaps recalling that which once characterised Job. It all began with a flare-up of the skin disease tinea cruris...hardly serious. This being succeeded by prostate issues, suspected benign prostatic hyperplasia to be precise. Then I started suffering severe panic attacks, which may have been an indicator of hypothyroidism, with which I was diagnosed, and placed on daily medication. And there followed a host of symptoms possibly related to this condition, including at various times, palpitations; breathlessness; night panics; a general sense of sickness; intermittent panic/light-headedness, as I struggled to get my medication justright. And thanks to God, this is indeed the case, although I have to stick to my routine, or I can be out of sorts for months, which has been the case a good few times. But my ordeal didn't end there. For several years now, I've experienced severe sleep difficulties. And I've also suffered serious dental problems including an abscess; and an infection at the root, both requiring root canal treatment. As well as skin problems, including the previously mentioned tinea cruris; together with discoid eczema of the lower legs; and more recently, acute urticaria or hives, which at one point resulted in an infection requiring antibiotics, and afflicting at various times, my shoulders, back/lower back, groin, and both arms. As if to make matters worse, I recently suffered a viral infection which lasted several weeks, and which was especially tough to bear combined with the skin issues. All this said, I could be a lot worse off, and none of what I've suffered has been truly life-threatening.But...I havebeen sorely tested; and in my view, not reacted well. I've in fact demonstrated to myself just how weak my character is. But the fact remains, I've no capacity for physical suffering whatsoever, and have an appalling temper issue, as well as a dread of death. And I'm wondering if God can forgive me for all this; or whether I've been weighed and found wanting. Does the Bible indicate God always forgives when there is genuine repentance, or is there a point when God says: “My Spirit shall not always strive with man”, and even if a person repents with tears as Esau once did, God will not listen?

2.

Firstly, thank you so much for your most encouraging and compassionate reply to my message. Yes, I make positive remarks about my condition, although of course when I was at my most desperate about it, I saw little positive in it. But on reflection, I realise there are those far worse off than me, who have suffered, and still suffer, far more silently and bravely than me. But I'm delighted and encouraged you are amazed by such positivity. I see what you mean about the guilt; but the fact remains I still feel great guilt about my lack of self-control; not just in terms of how I reacted, but of how I might react in the future, knowing what I do about the weakness of character I mentioned. But I'm pleased to think David and Job might feel similarly to me. In truth though it wasn't in prayer I expressed my anger, so much as in anguished crying out and so on. I'm still disgusted by it. But I'm encouraged to believe/hope my repentance is genuine, unlike that of Esau, who may have merely been upset about the worldly consequence of losing his inheritance. Pretty futile, given the brevity of life. I'm also encouraged to believe/hope that I can develop more character so when affliction comes again I can exercise more self-control. I prayed the prayer right along with you...thank you so much for that, and I paid particular attention to the fact that we are “called according to his purpose.” So nothing we say or do takes God by surprise! I believe I can be healed, and that process has already started, in so far as my skin condition is being slowly brought under control thanks to the help of the doctors of my local clinic; and my viral condition has cleared up; God be praised. So I'm feeling a lot better generally. Thank you again for your reply to my message; I'm working to get closer to God again, and praying I be  forgiven for my recent behaviour. Most gratefully. Edited 10/2/18.


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