Peters Monologue

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

I wrote this a long time ago. Can't even remember when. It's a monologue. It's a bit sad, but it is something that happens. I hope it helps people appreciate.

Peter is talking to John in their bedroom, they just returned from a funeral.
Peter: I don’t know why I consumed all those drinks.I’m not a drunk, honest, I’m not.I just felt and still do feel so empty.I thought drinking could fill…
John: Why do you feel so empty?
Peter: Why do I feel empty?I don’t know John.I mean just looking at that man, lying in that thing motionless, with his eyes closed, arms crossed.I felt sad, and I’m not sure why.At that time I just wanted to hug or kiss him, I wanted him to see his smile.But why, I always thought I didn’t care for him.Well, he definitely didn’t care for me.I don’t blame him though.
I was seven when I learned the whole sex thing.I was an “accident”.He never wanted children, one night without one and poof, here I come.He never actually said it, but I always knew he felt like saying, I’m your dad, but I can’t be your father.He always treated me that way.He only gave me money because, or he was at my birthday parties only because he was my dad.It was because of that that made me love him, but I never cared for him.
I always loved him, well until that night.I never told you about the night I came out to him.It was terrible.When I told him about you, he said he couldn’t accept it. I told him that I wasn’t looking for approval; I just thought he should know.Then he said, “No child of mine is queer”.Then I said, well, you never were a father to me, so I guess we’re even.He slapped me and said to stay out of his life forever.It was after that night that I hated him.I woke up hating him, I went to sleep hating him, and I had dreams about hating him.Until one morning I woke up hating him, and the phone rang.I heard the voice say sorry, but he didn’t make it.I felt like someone flushed the hate out of me.He was a heavy smoker.And then I felt them, those tears falling down slowly.I thought why, why am I crying?I hate him, I don’t care about him.And that’s when it hit me, the reason why I was crying.From the time I was born to the day that he died, I never heard him say I Love You, and I never said it to him either.
Yeah, that’s why I feel so empty.

Submitted: May 16, 2008

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