That First "I dont want to let go" moment
Short Story by: Casper Lasha Freed
Reads: 890 | Likes: 1 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 14
After the bell rang to dismiss class, I walked out of the brick walled room as quickly as I normally would. I looked for the familiarity of his face in the long, over crowded hallway, but I couldn't find him through the mass of bodies rushing to the buses. I turned around the last sharp corner of the hallway and there he was standing just outside of the quad doors.
He was waiting for me. I couldn't remove my eyes from the sight of him there. His strong, squared jaw was framed by that perfect, waved black hair. The black tee he wore flashed bright red letters that complemented his dark, sun-kissed complexion. His eyes, oh they were so deep, so enticing. They were completely unreadable and were such a rich chocolate brown. I let my eyes travel down his face to his lips. They seemed as if they had been painted there with a coral pink brush with each line, each curve so delicately but fiercely defined. They teased me, tempted my mind to wonder to thoughts unspoken. And, as if he'd heard those thoughts, when my eyes ventured back to his, I found them staring at me with such an unyielding gaze that I was forced to glance away and inwardly smile at myself.
When I turned my vision back to his face, he was smiling at me, blushing really, with that devilishly handsome grin that could be recognized from miles away. As I neared the quad doors, he leaned his back against the roughly painted red brick wall and propped one foot up with the bottom of his solid matte black Nikes touching the bricks. I walked through the doors and over to where he stood. He was so gorgeous. I just couldn't imagine why he, the sexiest guy in the whole high school, would choose a crazy, slightly nerdish girl like me to be his.
No words were shared between us for it was as if he knew what I would say. And the same was for me. His smile had said everything that I needed or wanted to hear. He uncrossed his bulked, muscled arms and wrapped them around me pulling me tightly to his chest. Because of how tall he was, my forehead rested perfectly beneath his chin in the bend of his neck. How ever oddly it may sound, the warmth of his body sent trembles and shivers racing through my spine. His collarbone was prominent beneath the shoulder of his t-shirt and it rose and fell in rhythm with his chest.
I wanted it to stay like this forever. I never wanted to let go of this moment. I feared I would never have another like it. He looked down at me and I thought for sure that he would kiss my lips, but he only gently placed a smooth, short kiss on my forehead. Even though it wasn't quite as promising as a kiss on the lips, it still held all the meaning in the world. When he finally unwrapped his arms from our embrace, he only said, "See ya later", but just those three short words were enough to send my mind spinning and make my heart dizzy all over again.
Submitted: August 25, 2014
© Copyright 2023 Casper Lasha Freed. All rights reserved.
Comments
I really like the way how you described him in detail which really helped me create a picture of him in my mind.And, the image that I created within my brain was pretty hot.And lastly, love the ending!
Tue, October 21st, 2014 4:30am
Author
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Haha I'm a sucker for dark eyes and dark hair. The character just fell into place in my mind. And it was actually based on a real-life occurrence.
Sat, October 25th, 2014 11:50am
Ah! Short stories always leave me wanting more and this is no exception! Its a great piece with awesome detail and it seems as though its an excerpt from a full story somehow. Haha
Job well done!
Author
Reply
Thank you. And actually it was part of a story that never received it's ending. I'm just simply not the kind of person that can write lengthy stories with twisting plots and intricate settings. Thank you again for reading some of my writing.
Tue, October 21st, 2014 8:04pm
Hi! First off, thank you for welcoming me to Booksie.
Now, onto my actual review. I thought this was really good! You're a really good writer, and that's something I would take great pride in. This character seems to be really attracted to this guy. You capture the characters and descriptions really well. Overall, I think this is a well written piece. Keep writing, I'd love to see more of your work!
-Danielle
Author
Reply
Thank you! So much! Not only for the comment, but also for taking the time to read! I'm looking forward to reading your writing as well.
Fri, October 24th, 2014 5:34pm
Wow you're awesome! I'm inspired by your works.it'd be really helpful if you guide me as well since I'm not a perfectionist!
Sat, October 25th, 2014 1:27am
Author
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Haha thanks!! And thanks for reading!! If you would check out my fans, they're remarkable writers as well. I'm sure they would also lend advice where its needed!! I am looking forward to being able to read your work!
Fri, October 24th, 2014 6:31pm
I think this story is really well written. I love the use of descriptive words and describing everything that going on around you. It built a very good picture. This story is awesome!!!
Sat, October 25th, 2014 2:55pm
Author
Reply
Thank you!!!
Sat, October 25th, 2014 9:47am
I knew that guy in the hallway as one of the jocks at my high school but I forget his name. The girl was a cheerleader and when I saw her at the 25-year reunion she told me that she and all the other cheerleaders were checking me out! Good writing!!!
Wed, October 29th, 2014 3:41am
Author
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Lol. Thank you for reading and commenting. This definitely placed a smile upon my face. A much needed one too.
Tue, October 28th, 2014 8:48pm
It was a sweet piece. Held much innocence of a first love. I'm going to name some grammar issues but if you are serious about writing don't take it personalty. Writers often have proof readers who do such things for them so don't worry about such things when writing a piece. In the second sentence the comma needs to be behind crowded not hallway. When placing two commas in a story it is to slow a piece down and add information that is giving but not needed in a story. You need hallway to finish what you are claiming is long. Third sentence a comma after was. Sentence eleven needs to be delicate not delicately. Sentence twelve needs to be wander not wonder. Last sentence, "See you later."
-Personal Critique Only
Author
Reply
Okay. Thank you for pointing out those errors. But I must say, the comma is supposed to be after hallway because it is with "but" which leads into the next clause of the sentence. Also, delicately is meant to be delicately. Delicate does not create the effect wanted nor does it fit in with the sentence. "Wonder" is meant to be wonder. Her mind is wondering about him not wandering to thoughts of him. And "see you later" did need the "s" to be capitalized. Thank you for pointing that out. I didn't notice it before. And thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Thu, November 6th, 2014 9:13am
99.999 NOBODY GETS A 100 FROM ME NOT EVEN ME AND I AM A GENUIS. ROMANCE IS YOU!
Thu, October 30th, 2014 6:51am
Author
Reply
Haha. Thanks!
Thu, October 30th, 2014 4:13am
Ah, young love ;) You have a way with words: you set the scene very well, and the way you described his character was detailed, but not overly-so. There's a fine line (that I can never seem to walk) between 'when will this end' and 'PLEASE tell me more', and you seem to have it. That's an achievement in itself. I would suggest to break it up into paragraphs, as it's a little long and easy to get lost in. Also, quite a lot of the first few sentences start with 'I', which gets repetitive easily (or it's probably just me and my annoying ways :P), so maybe mix it around a little. The ending was sweet-- though a little unexpected, as you had the reader thinking the three words were going to be something quite different ;) Anyway, good job with this; keep writing! :)
Thu, October 30th, 2014 10:15pm
Author
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I have broken the story down into paragraphs. Thank you for reading and commenting on my work. And thank you for the compliment!! :):)
Thu, November 6th, 2014 9:18am
Wow this was great! I liked that it was short it made everything that she was feeling so much more meaningful and that was awesome to me. This whole story was totally in character to me, and trust me I'm totally a person whose all about story characters being constant and only doing things in character and she was def one. I think the part that made it so person to her was when she repeated the part about 'Oh his eyes, they were so deep.' Something about the way she says oh just makes it seem more like she is talking and not the author through her. I feel like I'm her staring at this amazing guy in the hallway, feeling my heart beat against my chest. Visualizing his body and his muscles, his lips and his hair. Everything felt like I was there and I couldn't be more entranced with this amazing scene you painted for us. You are an amazing writer and you should really look into writing a romance novel sometime, I'm almost positive you would have sooooo many readers and followers. If not novels at least try and do a competition or two because you could def win with your talent for words, descriptions and getting us into the minds of the characters. You should be so proud of yourself for this amazing short story and if I didn't already fan you for that poem I would have done it after this story too! Amazing! -Ghost!
Sat, November 8th, 2014 8:39am
Author
Reply
Thank you so much. If it's not too much to ask, could you check out my newer short story "The Fairway Boy"? I'd love to know what you think.
Tue, November 11th, 2014 9:33amFacebook Comments
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Nikki Evans
Wow! She's really smitten with this guy and he does sound like a charmer. I thought the three words might be "I love you" but "See ya later" is promising as well LOL! Great job!
Wed, August 27th, 2014 3:29amAuthor
Reply
Yes. She 'was' smitten with him. Lol. Thanks for checking it out. And for commenting.
Sat, October 25th, 2014 11:52am