Gary was making a cup of tea, watching the kettle boil. I sat at the dining room table, looking into my forgotten life. I met my husband at the zoo one Autume day. He was finishing his shift when he saw me across the pond. Two years later we married in the church my sister married in. More or less we loved each other from that first moment our eyes met. But our lifes changed five years ago.
Gary wasn't getting enough money working at the zoo so he quit his job and got a new one at a office. His late hours started seperating us. I decided to go out with the girls more. Gary started to suspect I was cheating. I told him the only reason I went out was because I was lonley. He told me if I wanted more time with him then all I had to do was ask. Two weeks later we had a romantic weekend away. But that wasn't enough. Three years later I wanted him to come home early but he didn't. I phoned his office but his workmate told me he went home an hour ago. He came home drunk and smelling of perfume two hours later. I went to bed not saying a word. In the next two years we hardly talked, even looked at each other. I thought that it was just a period of time that every married couple have.
Now we have dinner at different times. I go to sleep by myself and wake up to the door banging shut. He somtimes comes home for lunch and I make sure he enjoys it. He came home today for lunch but I didn't make it.
"Sarah, would you like a coffee or what.....?" he asked in a sheepish voice. Last night we had a fight about our life and haven't talked all day. I didn't answer.
" Sarah I know I upset you last night and...I know I hurt your feelings but we have to put this behind us." This caught my attention. I stared into his eyes.
"Put his behind us? Gary we have been putting this stuff behind us for five years. Do you think we can just do it over and over?!" I screamed. He just nodded his head side to side. He got up and went to the kitchen. I thought the kettle had boiled but all I saw was him looking out over our back garden. He went to get away from me.
"Gary, why do you run to get away from me? Can't you just try to make me feel better?" He turned around and looked at me with teary eyes.
" Because Sarah I don't know how. I would love just to walk away from all this and we start a new life but even with the job I have we can't afford that." He looked as if he would burst into tears.
" I want to start a new life Sarah. Even if that means I have to give a few things up. I love you Sarah and I want you to have a good life." I didn't like the way he looked at me. I felt small and didn't understand what he meant. What things would he give up for a better life. His job? He already told me we couldn't do that. The car? That costs alot of money but we need that.
" What would you give up?" I asked, walking slowely into the kitchen. He looked at me in a way I should know what he meant. It was a few moments before I finaly got it.
"You want to break up with me?"
"I'm sorry Sarah but you don't like me working all the time and I need a job that will feed us both. I don't want to quit but it isn't the right thing for both of us."
"Is there someone else? Gary I love you and if you go I will look for you until you come back to me. Please Gary stay with me."I said.
"I'm sorry but there is someone else Sarah."
I couldn't belive it. I have sticked by him through all the tough parts of our marrige and he has been seeing someone else!
"Who is it? How long?" I asked in a panic.
" It's Ruth. A person I work with and it's been going on for two years." I was surprised he just came clean but I didn't like what he was saying. I walked into the living room angrely, Gary following me saying " Sarah I'm so sorry...." I opened up a drawer in the cabnet. I fummbled around until I found what I was looking for. A gun. My father gave it to me incase of a robbery. I had never shown it to Gary, not for any reason. I pulled it out and Gary stoped talking.
"Sarah, I know you are angry but there is no need for this, OK. So just put the gun down." This made me want to shoot him more so I pointed it at his head.
"You have made my life so misrable and now you just want to leave me." I said. "Why do you think I'm doing this?" He didn't answer. "You really thought it would just be as easy as 123? Well let me tell you something Gary" He looked at me, scared.
" I "
" Go "
I dropped the gun. The mess on the floor, on the wall was a horrible scene. Gary's body lay on the floor, his eyes wide open.
" You don't just dump me" I got my coat and walked out the door. Got in the car and drove, not thinking where I was going.
But at least I knew that no one knew where I was going......
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