Fly In a Trap

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
For my ex-boyfriend who passed not too long ago from drinking himself dead.

Submitted: January 26, 2010

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Submitted: January 26, 2010

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It was the spring that nothing bloomed...

the shy flowers stayed in the ground, hiding in their insecure shells and pods.

But I was one of those flowers and I understand...

I won't promise you that I will be the life of the party, but I won't kill it.

You and I wrote a ballad that I kept locked in my heart. I said I would keep it secret, but my mind is unravelling as this watch of life ticks, dangling in front of my pale sparkling eyes, mocking me. If these walls could talk, they'd say "You have wasted life, if you reach out to grasp it, what is the point?" I cannot keep my mouth from coming un-sewn...

I undo the threads and scream. I can't recall the last time I saw you. I just know that this thin Spring mist surrounds my mind. Didn't I take my meds today? I think not...But it won't help at all if I do, for I know my loss of you has conformed and condemned by mind beyond its limits. You have gone. You disappeared, off the face of the Earth, for now you are burried under weight and layers of Earth with your body stiff with formaldehyde that replaced your blood in your veins...

Now I recollect where I last saw you. The party, 2 A.M. on a summer night. You were drinking...my heart raced so fast. I wanted you. You told me to go wait in the bathroom and that you'd meet me there...but you didn't. The screams from what's-her-name's downstairs living room shattered my soul. They sounded like a far, sweet thing, though...unreal. Like a conchshell. A crashing wave. Your last moments of life. I tripped downstairs. There was my love, choking on his own vomit on the couch..how did I know it was serious? My prince charming never followed me upstairs. He died like a fly in a horrid trap. And now I cry, every hot tear making an imprint on my red cheeks upon my calm, steady face. Life goes on.


© Copyright 2020 Catherine Rudderick . All rights reserved.

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