Rambling of a 'Not It' Big Girl

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A heavy girl's innermost thoughts about her low self-esteem.

Submitted: July 16, 2010

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Submitted: July 16, 2010



Why am I so fat? Fat, fat, fat! That's all I can think about. I just feel that if I reach that perfect weight, I will BE "perfect" and the problems I have now just won't matter anymore.

Why is it that all the skinny bitches have everything? Popularity, the guys, the looks? I just imagine the entourage of friends, guys and party invitations I would have if I was thin enough.

Something is wrong with me. I can't help stuffing my face every chance I get. I wish I was anorexic. At least then I'd be in control. Sometimes I eat so much I end up having to puke. Hmm, there's a thought, maybe I'll puke from now on. Maybe then I'll lose weight!

I hate throwing up though. It scares the shit out of me. I can't stand kneeling by the toilet and having the water splash my face. So gross.

I've tried everything. Diet pills, exercise, starving myself. I was only able to starve for half a day, can you believe it? God, I wish I had the willpower to be anorexic.

My sister Valerie doesn't help my situation either. Apparently she took after my mom's side of the family along with a small, petite, perky little figure. Perfect Valerie with her trim size 3 body. My mom says she's got the figure of a teen even though she's popped out two kids. What about me? I'm a teenager! What about my body, Mom?!

"You're 'voluptuous', hon. That's almost as attractive as being thin," Mom says everytime I glare at her when she raves about Valerie's perfect body. My dad always goes on about me being big boned. He says I remind him so much of his sister, Sara. No offense to Aunt Sara, but I've seen pictures of her when she was young and she looks like a linebacker. I' m sure all she needed was a football uniform , and she'd definitely be mistaken for one.

My best friend Ron always tries to make me feel better. He's a bit on the heavy side, gay, and with an incredible taste in fashion. We like to go to the mall and make fun of the 'walking sticks'. I'd trade shoes with those girls any day to tell you the truth. I just wish I felt good about myself the way Ron does. If someone calls him fat ass, he just says,

"There's more of me to love, darling!" Just like that, lets it roll off his back.

He's my soul mate. He always tells me that if I had an eight inch appendage between my legs, he'd be on me like cellulite on Britney Spears' legs. A bit gross of an analogy for me, but it works.

Ron is such a drama queen but somehow always meets a hot stud whom he thinks will end up being his prince charming. Even though it works for a while, it always ends with a hissy fit, his ex being the biggest twat on the face of the earth, and ME being the big sympathetic shoulder he cries on. I don't know how he does it, but I swear he has a new boyfriend every two weeks.

Hmm, maybe I should be a lesbian. Maybe I'll have more dates that way. Maybe same sex dating is the way to go! Maybe lesbians aren't as harsh or shallow as straight guys are.

Nah, just thinking about rug munching gives me the willies. I may have one, but it's kinda gross if you think about it. I mean, it bleeds once a month for crying out loud! Not that it wouldn't be clean, but still.

Anyway, I gotta go. Ron and I are gonna go the the movies and make fun of the anorexic actresses. Maybe I'll meet a fat loving guy! I wish. We'll see. Peace, I'm out.

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