Renni's Revenge

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
There's nothing more dangerous than a woman scorned. Renni has laid her plans well. It's funny with a few lessons in consequences in a biblical twist.

Submitted: July 26, 2019

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 26, 2019



“That Renni is a hoot.”  Petra was referring to her very special friend as she sat having coffee with her bosom buddies at the local Starbucks. 

“She certainly is.”  Abigail was always the first to agree about anything.  “Do you know that she’s really bald.”

The two other women giggled.  Petra frowned.  “I mean she’s funny in how she talks.  Everything that comes out of her mouth is a joke.  Every situation or bad thing that happens to her or that lazy x-husband is a joke.  That’s how she tells it.”

Tricia popped in with “Well, you know that she’s been divorced from that man for a year now and I think she’s doing pretty good at keeping the family peace.”

Abigail found a way to defend her remark finally after opening her mouth several times to intercede.  “I didn’t mean to be nasty about her baldness.  I just meant that she takes it all in stride.  She even jokes about it.”

“Yes,” added Petra.  “She does indeed.  When her hair started falling out, she would pop a hat on her head.  You know, the very stylish kind.  And when she was complimented, she would say, “Bad hair day.”

Abigail added, “After she went to that hairdresser that roasted her head with bad hair dye…”  She threw up her hands.  “That was a disaster.”

“It surely was.” Tricia said.  “That idiot beautician pulled her hair through those holes and tried to fix that green hair by what she called ‘frosting it.’  It was frosted alright.  It was then fiery orange tipped over green.  She looked like a clown.  She said she kept telling the beautician that she was pulling her hair out by the roots.  The beautician said that it wasn’t possible.  But after three hours of torture, Renni came out looking like she had the mange.”

Abigail laughed, “Yes, and those wigs…wow.  If some person who didn’t know her that well would tell her how beautiful her hair was, she’d say, ‘Thank you.  I’ll give you the name of my beautician:’ And then she’d hand them the business card of Wigs and Plus.”

Tricia giggled.  “And then she started ordering that fiber stuff that she would carry with her and shake it over her scalp like she was salting it and search for bare spots that she missed. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, “Ah, sometimes I just need a little seasoning on this cabbage head.”

Abigail was wiping away laughter tears.  “She would always get up in the morning early, put on what she called the salad dressing, you know, that hair growth solution and then she’d ‘pepper’ it down with that shaker.”

“That’s sad and not to be laughed about.”  Petra stated.  “But Renni does find a way to make jokes.  Perhaps she hides how she really feels with humor.  That doesn’t seem healthy.”

Stephanie had been sitting quietly and then said, “By the way, where is Renni?  I haven’t seen her since last fall.”

“She went to Florida for the winter.  She should be back any day now.”

“Boy, she sure found a way to overcome her divorce.”

“Yes, she did.  I was in the courtroom when that happened.  You know she had the judge laughing when he handed down the judgement.”

“How did she do that?”

She stood up there grinning like she was having the time of her life.  The judge asked her, “I take it that you have no further demands or changes to charge against Mr. Dickerson?”

“No sir.  He’s just more than I can take.” The judge put his head down and I could see his shoulders shake.

 That didn’t set too well with Mr. Dickerson sitting at the table facing the judge. He slammed his fist onto the table.  The judge looked at the irate man, lowered the gavel and said, “Divorce granted.”

The women were laughing so hard that everyone in the coffee shop was grinning and looking at them.  Abigail almost fell off her chair. 

When the women calmed down, Abigail said, “You know I saw you, Petra and her together and know that you went out dancing a lot after the divorce filing\.  She.was beautiful then and had been taking great care of herself.  It wasn’t until after that witch beautician screwed up that beautiful black hair that Renni started just letting some things go, gaining weight in bad places, and joking about it, that I began to worry.  So naturally when she disappeared in the fall after the divorce was final without letting us know where she was going, my worry doubled.”

Tricia was nodding her head.  “Yes, and Petra, are you sure that you don’t know more than you’re telling us.  When will we be able to see Renni again?”

A voice behind the ladies said, “Don’t worry, she’ll be back any day, now.”

They all turned at once and looked toward the voice of the gorgeous dark-haired woman with a modern hair style.  The newcomer laughed at the startled and blinking women as they looked back at the bombshell and followed as she walked around to face them.  The walk and the body should have been illegal.

“Well, dear friends, no more hats and no more wigs.”  She bent over and shook the long black stresses.  “See no more of that fake garbage, not even hair extensions.  It was worth every penny and every bit of the pain!”

A bomb could have dropped as she sat down across from them and none of them would have noticed.  Then they all laughed as she said, “You’ll never guess who paid for all this, the curves, the hair plugged tresses, wardrobe, new facials, (she put her hand to the side of her mouth and in a whisper said, ‘face lift’).”

They all drew in their breath and giggled.  Abigail said, “How did you pull that off?  That could not have been in the divorce decree.”

“No, you know, I had been rewarding myself for every time I made a joke and laughed inside every time, he verbally abused me, and I gave myself a double reward when he put his hands on me.”

“How did you do that?”

“My checks always had to go into the common fund from the day we married, which he claimed and watched like a hawk.  So, I went to second shift and got odd jobs during the day when he was at work, skimmed off the top of the grocery and household allowance, made some of his stuff he’d forgotten he had go to the pawn shop and scavenged bottles or whatever I could and kept the cash hidden in a hole in back of the bookcase in the front room.  So, every chance I got, I would steer some of his investments into a third account at a different bank.  Then I transferred those funds to a joint-account with my brother in his bank in the town in Arizona where my brother lives.”

Renni was on a roll.  “In addition, I bought him a file box one year for Christmas to keep all his financial documents stored.  But I only gave him one of the sets of keys and I kept the other one.  That way I could copy all statements, stock and bond certificates, etc. and keep that information filed to charge him with in the divorce; which helped me get a hefty settlement.”

All the women were listening intently and all were smiling except for the poker-faced Stephanie.  “So, isn’t any of that illegal or something?”

The rest of the women were giggling.  Renni was shaking her head.  “No, the bruises, the mental anguish, the hurt I got from that man over a twenty-year span was illegal and immoral not to add criminal.  Let me ask you Stephanie, do you think I should have bent over and took it in the ass simply because you think the law and God was on his side?"”

“But you got the house and then settled for half.  So you got what you wanted."

“Yep and finally you believe he got the shaft.  He’d been keeping me in a trap all those years, beating me whenever it suited him, treating me like a doormat, taking all my income, and I was doing all the housework, had no money to take care of myself and then the a-hole would verbally abuse me for being a dowdy housewife.”

The somber Stephanie was wiggling in her seat.  “Sometimes women provoke a man.  That is a woman’s duty.  Woman was made in the beginning to serve man.  Eve committed the first sin and we’re going against God if we don’t serve our men and support them.”

Renni started laughing, that feminine, yet booming contagious laughter.  “Stephanie girl, what year were you born?  That secret man of yours must really be pleased to have a Stepford woman like you.  She walked around to the back of the red head and patted her back.  “Got a wind-up motor back there?”  Everyone within earshot was laughing with the women.

Stephanie bent her head and then stood up.  “Renni…pride, what you did to your body and all that make up is a sin. Spending all of the money you cheated your husband out of is a sin.  Divorce is a sin.  You’re going to hell.  All of you need to come out to Bible study at my church.”

A pin could have dropped as Stephanie grabbed her bag and started to leave.  Renni was shaking her head and grinning as she said, “Stephanie, that new man of yours took all my hard-earned money, made me into a slave and beat me down on a regular basis.  And now he’s got you thumping the Bible for him while you’re on your knees between his fat legs every night.  Hallelujah.”

The whole crowd was laughing now.  The friends were aghast.  Stephanie went on the defensive.  “You’re all going to hell.”

“Meet you there.”  Renni called after the hot-headed Stephanie as she turned to go.

As the red head charged forward, she was faced by Reverend Miller and she ran into him.

“Stephanie, I’ve been listening.  I don’t believe what I’m hearing you say.  God’s children don’t judge.  That’s God’s job.”

“But Reverend Miller, you didn’t hear all of what was being said.”

“I’m afraid that I did, Stephanie.  I’ve been standing over there by the cash register.”  He turned toward the women.  “You won’t be judged at our church.  You’re all invited anytime.”

He turned to see the red head rush out the door.  He followed her as Renni threw up her hands.  “Well ladies, I guess we know where we’re all going.  But I think right now we’re going to have to chip in to pay the righteous judge’s bill.”

Everyone clapped.

As Renni sat down at the table, all the women leaned across the table toward her.  Abigail wanted to know, “What was that reverence to her and your ex-husband all about?”

“Oh yeah.  Stephanie is a hypocrite.  She was moving in on that mean bastard long before the divorce and I was happy to let her.”  Renni looked around the now almost empty room.  She talked low.  “I planted hidden cameras and microphones all through the house for two years before I had enough money to divorce him. Why do you think I had so much pull over him?  I gave all those tapes to the police and I got a restraining order during the last few months.  So, he had to stay in the garage apartment at his folk’s house.  I used the information about his affair with Stephanie by giving him and my lawyer a copy of the two of them cheating and told him to back off me or I’d be showing everybody what he was doing.  He figured I’d pulled the cameras and I never revealed the tapes I already had with their little rendezvous on them to anyone else.  I had pulled the original equipment, but when I knew he was buying my half of the property, I reinstalled new spy equipment that goes to a separate phone app before I left the place.  He never knew about that.  That was part of the settlement leverage.  He was sweet as pie with Stephanie by the way, just like he was with me in the beginning.  He’s still playing that game with her.”

Abigail was shaking her head.  “Renni, you never cease to amaze me.  You carried that secret all this last year, plus throughout that whole divorce phase.”

Tricia added, “Yes, it’s amazing what a woman can do…you know, I am woman, watch me roar.”

Petra who was sitting next to Renni hugged her.  “So, are you going to fill in everyone about your disappearance?”

“Ah, well, my advice is to start now to take care of yourself.  Otherwise, you might end up getting sucked up, sucked out, drilled, grilled and sliced off.”

“Ouch.”  Abigail looked down at her own expanding body. “Is it really that painful?”

“I’ll tell you what.  Being able to dress off that pompous mistress was worth all the butchering I had to endure.  You know when my skin was pulled up, it was like putting on spandex seven sizes too small.  Course, as I was losing the weight, I never realized I’d have so much left over.  I told the surgeons to save all that so’s I could send it to the new woman in my ex-husband’s life.”

Tricia giggled, “So did you send it there.”

“No, they said it would be against the law.”

Petra leaned over the table toward her bold friend.  “I’ve never seen those two together.  Are you sure they’re still having their affair?  Seems like they’d be open about it all, since the divorce is over.”

“Well, you have to remember that before the divorce, I used it as leverage and it would have ruined her standing in the church if it was out.  So, she’s been using that to keep him secret until he gets saved.  Or that’s what she told him.  There were a lot of crazy times when I thought sure everyone knew it by now.”

“How do you know all that?”

“Hidden cameras are still there and wired to an I Pad.  It’s the only one that has those histories on it except for the zip drives.”

The women took their breaths in.  Petra asked, “How do you get away with that?  It seems they’d have found those by now.”

“No, and I’m not worried.”

“Well, she’s been an expert at keeping it on the down low.”

Petra put up the palm of her hand.  “Hey now, come to think about it, that would make sense of a lot of things that woman has been doing lately.  Like the day I caught her coming out of the back door at your old house.  It was the day that I made a meals-on-wheels visit to the next-door neighbors.  She came out, looked all around her and then ran out the back to the alley.  I was curious, so I followed her and she was walking down toward the parking lot at the barber shop.”

They were all giggling.  Tricia said, “Now Petra, you know that that barber just might be doing short cuts for women now.”

Abigail started snorting she was laughing so hard.  “So, did you ever ask Stephanie about it?”

“No, I just figured she was doing her weekly church visitations  and R.J. was on the list.  You do know that she’s an elder?”

“Oh, yes, she never fails to let everyone be aware of that daily.”

Renni took a sip of her coffee.  “Well, my revenge is almost complete.  Now that everyone in the shop knows the story, I’m not liable for the secret.  The high and mighty Stephanie is headed for her judgement day.  How many people would like to join me for church service tomorrow.”

The laughter vibrated through the streets and the next morning, the entire group plus a few extra slipped into the back seat of the church.  Stephanie had her all-important-self seated on the front row and the women whispered and giggled softly when they realized that Renni’s ex was sitting next to her.  Renni whispered, “Oh, this is perfect.”

After the first song had been sung from the big screen, the minister got right to the announcements and then came the offering.  Everyone in the back row put their offering in with Renni putting in a prepared  offering envelope and the service continued. 

Petra wondered why there was such a big smile on Renni’s face.  When the minister read the first scriptures, Petra started to get the picture.  Reverend Michael started reading, “Judge not, less ye be judged is the theme of today’s message.”  He hesitated and then continued.  “We are not sent here to judge anyone else.  We are charged to hold ourselves accountable and to clean our own house first.”

All eyes of the women were first able to focus on the man and woman in the first pew in front of the pastor.  The couple looked at each other as the pastor continued.  “One example comes from Revelations 2:20. ‘But I have this against you, that you tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess and is teaching and seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols.’  Now folks, just because I’m pointing to Jezebel first doesn’t mean that women are the only example of sinful acts.  However, I am using this example to show you that first you must hold yourself accountable before you try to take God’s role away from him and judge others.”

Renni was grinning wider and had to hold her hand over her mouth as she watched the squirming Stephanie. 

The pastor continued, “Jezebel was holding herself up as a leader, God’s prophet and ruler and at the same time, she was committing adultery and worshipping other Gods.  Likewise, there was David, a great King, a great leader and warrior for God, who betrayed not only his family and his best friend and captain, but God by committing adultery with Bathsheba and then by having her husband murdered on the battlefield in order to obtain free passage to marry the woman, the wife of his friend with whom he was having the affair.”

The couple was now staring straight ahead.  Petra and the others were fascinated that the two didn’t get up and run out.

The minister took a sip of water.  “All through the Bible there are betrayals by people who held themselves up to high standards and pillars of the community.  The pharisees whispered and pointed at those who were different, who were crippled, who in their judgement sinned.  Yet they could not look inside and clean their own house.”

“Folks, look inside yourself.  Don’t judge others, ever.  Pray for those who are struggling, who you know need God, but never hold yourself as never needing forgiveness.  Because you will never be perfect and you should never expect that of others.”  By the same token, if someone has let you down, has judged you, has done you wrong, there are scriptures to help you to find forgiveness by saying the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others.  And now, if you have this burden in your heart, I invite you to pray with me, from Psalms as David prayed.”

Petra noticed that Renni was no longer smiling nor did the straight line of her mouth show vindication.  Rather, she was sweating.

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so, you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. Surely, I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.  Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.  Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”

As the prayer ended, the women in the back pew looked up to see Stephanie and R.J. kneeling at the altar, but Renni had disappeared.  The commotion from the balcony drew everyone’s attention to look up as Renni was wrestling and trying to reach over the technician to the equipment.  But before she could stop it, the picture was there on the screen.  The naked Jezebel, Stephanie, first full face and turning to show a bare butt in a compromising act with R.J. was moving in full color with the date of January 25, 2015 and the words…two years before the divorce of Renni and R.J. Randal.

Thankfully, the front part of the audience was so engrossed on what was going on up above that they only caught the end of it as it was being ripped out of the equipment.  But the minister had turned in time and Stephanie and R.J. had stood up in time to see it all, the ushers had seen it and everyone in the back half of the church under the balcony got a full view as the technician sat in shock.

The women in the back pew turned and ran out, meeting Renni in the foyer.  Petra immediately started the questioning as they hurried away down the steps.  “Renni, how did you get that tape to the technician?”

“I went up early this morning and made friends with Bernie and while he was busy listening to me, I knocked the drive box marked, “last at end” onto the floor.  I ask for forgiveness for being clumsy as I bent over, showing my nice butt and hiding my actions. I swapped the drives and put the box back.”

As she got in her car, the others gathered by her.  Tricia said, “O.K. so what did you put into the offering plate?”

“A sizable cash offering marked for the church mission project and…”

“And what?”

“…the drive I exchanged for the one I left.  I now have the damaging one and the church is left to figure this out.  Now get into your cars, ladies and let’s get out of here.  My mission is complete.”  

Petra chuckled as she drove by the church.  There were groups standing outside deeply involved in conversation.  R.J. and Stephanie were no where to be seen.  Yes, Renni had her revenge, but somehow, Petra knew that in the process her friend got a little religion to chew on along with it.  










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