A Hellish Plan

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Hell has know political turnover before, but never sponsored by Heaven.

Submitted: March 06, 2010

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Submitted: March 06, 2010

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The meeting was going as it would go normally. The heads of the various departments of Hell were seated along both sides of a table. Satan himself was seated at the head, smoking a cigar and getting ashes on his Italian suit. Stalin, head of Human Resources, looked afraid to speak.
Eventually, in a high voice, he said 'Sir, we may have a problem.' Cringing, he sat down, waiting for the inevitable blow to happen.
Satan, looking a touch annoyed, asked 'What?'
Stalin, apparently relieved that Satan was not wrathful (yet), answered 'Hitler will tell you, after all, he's head of Accounting.'
Hitler, looking like he was ready to kill Stalin quietly said 'I believe the departmental head responsible for corporate profiteering should be the one to tell you. Tilly?'
'I believe that the head of the oversight committee should be the one to inform you, master. Isn't that right, John George of Saxony?'
'I think tha-'
'WILL SOMEONE JUST TELL ME ALREADY!' yelled Satan. The room went quieter than a dead mouse. So quiet, in fact, that the screams of the Hell-damned could be heard far off in the distance.
I, Justinian, rose. I said to Satan 'Master, we have had multiple soul-intake drop-offs in the past fiscal year. With that and the converts, we are running...' I steadied myself for the worst 'at a deficit, with no idea how to reverse it. Or, at least no idea from my colleagues as to how to reverse it.' Suddenly, the table turned to me, not looking at Satan's reaction.
Satan looked up at the ceiling, his grey hair and blue eyes showing the man who had risen up and seized power from the last Satan; the Graf zu Pappenheim. Satan (abbreviation of: Our lord and master, The Satanic Graf zu Pappenheim) looked quietly at me. 'Justinian, what do you suggest?'
'We already have the infrastructure in place to create a huge, powerful corporation. We have infinite Labor, a supply of raw materials, and, if I may remind you, your powers will allow us to use those raw materials to-'
'Stop blithering, Justinian!'
'To create factories to supply things to the Earthies and use those supplies to damn them straight into the deepest depths of hell! We would have to speak to the presidents of the different countries of course.'
'Of course. I am in favor of this plan. If it works, Justinian, you many expect a slight addition to your already substantial holdings. I will speak with you next quarter.' As I rode in the back seat of my Rolls, I contemplated what I had just done. When I reached my villa and my car was pulled around, I walked into a secret room I had constructed for a very special purpose. As I walked in, the communicator flickered, and a voice belonging to an angel piped out, quietly.
'Agent Justinian.'
'Yes.'
'Did he accept your plan?'
'He's smiling on it.'
'Good enough. When this goes through, he will be distracted with his duties of creation. Then, you will ascend to the throne of Hell and ally it with Heaven once more.'
I smiled as I twirled the knife of Altiminum that I would use to kill him. These would be an interesting next few weeks.


© Copyright 2020 Cedric Tucher. All rights reserved.

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