She threw her head down on the pillow, painful sobs racking her body. She shakes violently. " Why won't anyone listen? I'm hurting, I'm dying!" Blood flows from her wrists and she does nothing to stop it. She wants to die. No-one cares about her.No-one knows she exists. If they did, she wouldn't be here now willing her soul to leave her wilting body quickly. She writhes in agony on the bed. " Why aren't I dead yet? It's been over an hour! I can't live in peace and I can't die in peace! Lord let me rest!"
She struggles over to reach the pills on the dated bedside chest. "If I take a few more,it'll end." She swallows a handful more. She replays her whole life in her head. 6 years old: Mom's asleep on the couch,an empty bottle of whiskey upended on the floor. There's food on the floor. I'm starving. I'm eating a burger from the floor. My clothes are ripped and there's a man in the toilet. I don't like him. 13 years old: Mom's in jail, left with step-daddy. He's drunk, He hits me, he beats me to the ground, He rips my clothes, he does horrible things to me. I don't like it! I hate him! I'm bleeding. I'm sore.
19 years old: I'm cold and hungry. I'm alone. For once. I get male " visitors" all the time. Keep Vince happy. I'm in a car, man's on top of me, we're having sex.He doesn't want to pay, He's beating me.Head pounding, Crawl home, Vince beats me, No money for drugs, All alone.
"Now I want to die. There's nothing to live for. There's blood flowing from my wrists and the pain feels good. The pills are making me sleepy. Just another while and I'll be gone from this cruel world. I feel sick, I'm going to vomit, I can feel it rising in my throat. My mouth is full, I can't open my mouth to let it out. I'm too sleepy. I'm choking. I can't breathe! I CAN'T BREATHE! Oh God, I've made a mistake! I don't want to die! I can make my life better! I will! I will! I'm so tired. It's too late. I've killed myself. It's all black. I'm Dead."
Won't everyone be happy.
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