Save me

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Something I wrote when I was close to giving up. I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad my friends showed me a reason to keep going

Submitted: May 13, 2015

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Submitted: May 13, 2015

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It's cold here. But I'm numb. I don't feel the cold as it snakes it's way around my body. It's dark here too. It's really dark. The kind of dark that strikes fear into the hearts of children. But I'm not scared. Actually that's a lie. I am scared. But I'm scared of me. My thoughts to be more precise. I'm scared of what they tell me. I'm scared because I listen.

It's a lonely place, this world. You could be in the biggest city but still be all alone. All alone because nobody cares, too caught up in trivial things to hear my screams. I scream and I scream but nobody hears me. The noisy ways of life drown me out until I'm just another face with a fake smile struggling to get through. People come and go. Some fight to get in but once they're there they see how broken I am and how much damage there is. They run soon after. They always do. But not you. No. You stayed with me. You saw I was broken and you fixed me. My very own guardian angel minus the wings.

When I was scared and alone you were there. When I was confused about everything you were there. It's always the quiet ones that people should watch. They're quite because they think. They're quite because they see. They're also the easiest to lose in a crowd because they don't speak up. Ask yourself this. How many times have you seen a kid in class that never speaks? Or when they're called upon, a louder more confident kid cuts them off?

That's me. I'm the quiet kid. When I try to speak I'm still not heard. I'm not important. And everyone knows it. I'm not popular, I'm not beautiful, clever or funny. I'm a nobody. But that doesn't matter to you. To you I'm more than just a girl who writes just to feel emotion. To you I'm somebody special. Lord knows why, when people either ignore me or make it their mission to let me know how unimportant I am. So that's why I'm here. Alone. Hiding the tears I cry behind blue eyes.

They used to be bright but life has dimmed them. Actually people have dimmed them through hurtful comments, mocking jibes and empty promises. I gave up trying to fit in. I gave up trying. You saw the light slowly die in my eyes. You saw the smile falter, not reaching my lips fully like it should. But you made it reach my lips. Little things you do, they make me happy. But I'm not always happy and you know that. It's not your fault. It's mine. I control my thoughts. The good and bad ones. At least I think I do.

But here I am. I don't quite know where here is but it's somewhere. Somewhere I can think. I'm walking alone. No music in my ears, no companion by my side. But it's what I'm used to. I appear to be alone but I'm not. I never am. Those vicious thoughts that pull me down are with me. I walk and I walk through empty deserted streets, my footsteps grow heavier with every internal whisper. I stopped believing that things would get better.

I stopped walking finding myself on a bridge. Nothing that could be classed as an architectural masterpiece but a solid structure nonetheless. I pull my hood up as car lights approach. I keep my head down as they pass me by. I place my hands on the cool concrete, gradually inching them towards the edge as I look down over it. I can't see the river but I know it's there. I can hear it. Running deep and running fast. My shaky breaths come out in long, broken puffy clouds. It's time. Shutting my eyes and breathing deeply I open them and swing my short legs over resting my bum on the ledge, my hands on either side of me.

I swallow harshly as I feel the tears slowly roll down my porcelain like cheeks. Choking back my sobs in a less than graceful way I retrieved my phone from my pocket with shaky fingers. I didn't text anyone. I didn't leave a final goodbye. I leave only my books, and even they've been tainted by my lack of talent and interest from readers. The tears come faster now as I edge closer. I want someone to save me. I want someone to care. But I know nobody does.

I pushed you away but I know you still remained, wondering why I won't answer your calls or texts. I'm done trying to be brave. I'm done trying to be strong. Why bother in a world where I'm not loved, liked or appreciated. I give and I give but I never benefit. I won't be missed. Only by you. You saved me. From others, from words and actions. But you can't save me all the time. I inch closer. I'm so close now. The river. It's calling to me.

Promising me it'll all be okay I just need to be brave one more time. It can wash away my pain. The monstrous thoughts agree. Do it. Come on. What are you waiting for? Do something right for once in your life. I whisper to nobody in particular. \"Are you happy now, life? Is this what you wanted?. To bring me down, to break my stride? Well. Congratulations. You got what you wanted I hope you're happy\". It's a cold, dark night. And I'm alone with my thoughts. Trying to figure out everything in this life and why it chose to go so badly in my favour.  Taking one last look to the side of the road I realise. There's one thing you can't save me from. It's myself. And as I push myself off the edge, my body falling freely into the icy cold depths with nobody to save me I really wish you would. Save me.


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