OSS 3: UKL Christmas

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
My entry for SoftDreamer7's contest. The story is merely a Christmas party for the members of the UnKnown Legion and their families.

Submitted: November 26, 2013

A A A | A A A

Submitted: November 26, 2013



UKL Christmas

"Hello to all of you out there, my name is Morgan Freeman, and I am here to tell you the tale of one of the best Christmas parties that I have been able to witness. It was on a night much like tonight, the snow was falling, the fires burning, and the food cooking. The tale of the Allen family and their friends, is a grand one. And as they sat at this long table, very long table, like I'm not joking, ridiculously long table, they each had something on their mind, and no one was thinking the same thing."

From the people sitting at the table, a short, black haired, young man began to clap.

"Why are you clapping, Ethan?"

"Well Alec, I thought your Morgan Freeman impression was spot on!"

"Well thank you Ethan, is everyone here or are we still waiting on Jalen and his daughter?"

Everyone in the room stopped talking as a pair of lights shined in through the window caked in snow.

"Ahhh, that must be him now, Ernest, will you get the door?"

"Yes father." The man who was sitting next to Ethan stood up and walked to the door. The woman sitting next to him also stood up and walked over to where two young girls were sitting and helped the smaller of the two.

"Sorry I'm late everyone! That snow is something else..."

"Take a seat Jalen, and for the sake of introductions, I'll start! Sitting next to me is my wife, Kaylee, as almost all of you know, and my oldest is Ernest, and his wife Jennifer. The little one there is their daughter Elizabeth. The four other children here are mine as well, the second oldest is Joel, the twins are Ethan and Lilly, and my youngest is Skylar. And I am Derreck, Clayton..."

"Right... right, this is my wife, Shiloh, my daughter Rose, and my son Loki. And obviously my name is Clayton."

"This here is my wife Chloe, my daughter Sarah, and my son Lucas. My name is Dereck as well, but you guys can just call me Derk, it'll be good for telling the difference."

"There won't be much for an introduction here, but this is my daughter Snow, my wife, Cassandra, who, unfortunately will not be able to be with us right now, and as for me, I am Alexander."

"My wife here is Katie, and these two here are our children. My daughter's name is Krystal, and my son's name is Dwight Rodrigo Almacen the third! As for me, I am Dwight Alec Almacen the second, but you may call me Alec."

"I guess that just leaves us, huh? Well, I'm Jalen and this is my daughter Jera."

The man named Derreck stood up and looked out over the others, he seemed to know what he was doing.

"Alright! Let's do our prayers. Ethan will you please lead us?"

"Sure dad. Everyone please prepare yourself however your religion dictates."

He crossed his fingers and pressed his palms together as did everyone else including the little girl who seemed to just be following what everyone else was doing.

"Dear lord... or should I say, dear Glowstck..."

"That's my boy!" Kaylee smacked him across the shoulder. "Alright fine... behave yourself Ethan..."

"Thank you for this wonderful... BigDawg we have before us..."

Ethan pointed to the pig on the table. Dereck stood up, ripped the Santa hat from his head, threw it on the table, and pointed at the other Derreck at the end of the table.

"Me and you are going at it later tonight!"

"And what do you mean by... 'going at it'?"

They both winked at each other simultaneously while all of the wives shook their heads. Clayton stood up.

"That is enough from you two! None the rest of us have had the spotlight!"

"I second that!" Alec also stood up so that now four of them were standing.

"I would as well, but I'd like to eat now." Jalen rested his feet on one of the two empty chairs.

Alex leaned forward onto the table. "Now I second that."

Everyone began to dig into the food and conversations started between all of the people eating. Now I've been to Christmas dinners every year, but I've never seen so many people have this much fun. The conversations between them were serious, but at the same time, they made no sense.

"So... Coke or Pepsi? Dereck, I was asking you..."

"Ohhh... well if I had to choose... DR. PEPPER!!!" Dereck slammed his fist onto the table. The other Derreck slowly stood up and shook his finger at Dereck.

"I'll have you know... Diet Mountain Dew is by far the better beverage."

Alec stood up, a piece of wheat stuck out from his mouth and his hair blew in the wind. "No Derreck, you are far from right my friend."

"Wait a minute... Asian... how is your hair blowing around? Where the hell is the wind coming from? Did someone leave my door open?!" One would get the impression Derreck was the host.

"Ethan would you..." Everyone looked over towards the door only to notice that a woman was standing at the door waving her arms.

"Ohhh, you all noticed me..." She stopped waving her arms for a brief moment, then preceded to continue waving them.

"Bella... why are you in my house? The white elephant doesn't start for another hour..."

"I uhhh... was following Jalen... I totally haven't been living in your house for the last year and half..."

"Alright..." Derreck sighed then beckoned her over, "Take a seat on the end."

Their conversations stretched on for several minutes and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Skylar had been helping the young, four year old, Elizabeth, eat and have fun along with the others. Elizabeth took the napkins from the table and began to tear them apart in her lap. She crumpled them up and began to throw the crumpled up pieces at the other people in the room. She did this so secretively that no one noticed she was doing it. She didn't smile, laugh, or give any indication it was her. They grew confused and began to blame each other.

"Clayton, I saw you throw that!"

"No I didn't, it was Alec!"

"Are you serious?! I saw Alex throwing them!"

"Are you sure it wasn't Jalen?!" Everyone turned to look at him as a fork landed on his forehead.

"Alright who threw this?"

Jennifer stood up and took everything away from Elizabeth. Derreck looked about all of them before speaking.

"I feel there was someone we were waiting for, but I can't think of who..."

"Well... there were two seats left... was it Kyle?"


"You know Kyle... Xyphos..."

"Ohhh Xyphos... yeah him and his son were supposed to come." A man popped up from under the table near Clayton.

"Am I being summoned?"

An expression of content anger came over Derreck's face. "And just what are you doing under my table?"

"Ohhh uhhh... just pretend I'm not here..." The youngest of Derreck's children looked over to him.

"Daddy... does this mean he can see between my legs?" The sound of something smacking the table from underneath was the only noise followed by several sounds of pain. A second smack rang out followed by more moaning. The moaning died down with a very awkward silence as all of the men looked to each other.

"Alright, would anyone like some pie? I'll go into the..."

"Ohhhh... the blood... so... much... blood... ohhhhh... why won't it stop?!" Dereck looked to the children in the room.

"Kids... cover your ears!"

"Why daddy?"

"Just do it Sarah." Dereck cocked a shotgun and fired it under the table. Everyone stood up and dispersed as if nothing had happened... everything was awkward till the end of dinner.

As time passed, more and more people showed up. They gathered in the ballroom, drinking their alcohol and talking amongst each other. After about thirty minutes, it appeared that everyone was there. Derreck stepped out in front of the crowd and began to speak to them all.

"Alright, first we are going to do the White Elephant, then we will do some dancing, and I promised my wife, I would allow us some slow dancing, so let's get started." Derreck walked down to the table where Clayton and the other Dereck were standing.

"Does it look strange to you that all of the boxes are the same size?"

"Only a little bit..."

"Alright, I will start by drawing the first name!" Derreck reached into a hat next to him and pulled out a slip of paper. The expression on his face explained the world.

"Kyle McGhee, you are the first to choose!" The crowd grew silent as a man with blood dried to his face stepped up to the front. There were several holes in his face.

"I thought you were dead Kyle..."

"Nah... tis' just a flesh wound..." He grabbed one of the boxes and quickly ripped it open. He held the pink Helmet in his hands speechless. In black lettering, it said the word "Faggot" across the front.

"This... is... exactly what I wanted! I've been looking for one of these! Hot damn!"

"Alright then... Next up is... Dwight Almacen!" He walked up and grabbed the box on the furthest right and ripped it open. It was a pink helmet with the word "Fagget" across the front.

"Kyle, I am trading you! Mine is spelled wrong!"

"Sorry... I didn't know how to spell it..." Patrick in the crowd looked down at his feet after saying that.

"Next is Kimberley Almacen!" Her gift was the same.

"Now for... Daniel Nilles." Once again the gift was the same.

"And would Isaiah McMullen please come get yours... without any train references...please..." His gift was also a pink helmet with "Faggot" on it. I'm starting to sense a trend.

"Clayton Bailey, you're next." Same gift...

"And now Caleb Wood, it is your turn." Same gift... again...

"Alex White." Same damn gift...

"Zack Garza." Same... sigh...

"Alli Cooper." ...can I just not be here?

"Riley Finney." This color of pink kinda looks like puke.

"Patrick Barr." I don't even care anymore...

"Dereck McGuire."

"Derreck Allen... I guess that's me."

"Joshua Osborn."

"Ian Karlin."

"Jacie Czosnowski."

"Brendon Fritz."

"Jalen Dyer."

"Robert Murray."

"Bella Lewis."

"And last but not least, Anthony White." As he opened his gift it was noticed that Patrick had ended up with the one spelled "Fagget". "Tell us Anthony, why did you give the gift you gave?"

"Well... it was always my dream to ride on a magic carpet... and on that day, so many years ago, a man once told me... 'Come in and wear a pink helmet with the word 'faggot' on it and I will give you a free ride on a magic carpet.' Now I know that sounds like something no one could ever achieve, but I never give up on my..."

"Now... I'ma let you finish, but I just gotta say one thing... That man... has no magic carpets... but I'ma let you keep your dream..."

"NOOOOOO!!!!! Robert, how could you ruin my dream?!" Anthony fell to his knees and sunk his head into his chest.

"It's ok Anthony..." The twenty-two of them stood in a circle looking at each other trying to figure out what to say. It just seemed to be very awkward. Elizabeth ran between them and they all watched her.

"Hard to believe that that cute little thing is going to kill all of us in about seventeen years..."

The night drew on, and the dancing became the main event. There was all kinds of music, strange dance moves, and Asians trying to replicate Korean techno dances. When the slow dance came about, Derreck and Kaylee tried to dance without the worry of children. Her dark green hair hung down around her waist and covered her white dress. Derreck's green hair was the same bright neon color of Elizabeth who ran by them followed by Skylar with her bright blue hair. Dereck danced with Chloe, in the same manner as they had hundreds of years ago at their wedding. Shiloh danced with Clayton almost as if she wasn't angry at him. Everything was very calm, and the time seemed to pass by very slowly as the snow blocked them all in. The night grew longer and longer, until the time came that everyone try and sleep.

Derreck, Clayton, Dereck, and Jalen sat up alone near the fire.

"Tonight was a good night, too bad we can't have more days like this..."

"That's true, my daughter doesn't like to spend time with me, but she was out there dancing with me like her mother used to."

"That's good Jalen, just pray that the day she decides to leave doesn't come."

"That day scares me as well..."

"What are you talking about Dereck? Isn't Sarah only four?"

"Yeah, but still, that day will come... I almost feel I need to protect her by pushing her away. Chloe and I have discussed sending her somewhere safer to grow up. But we're not certain yet."

"Well... one thing's for sure... things are definitely going to get darker and tougher from here on out."

The four of them looked out of the massive bay-view window as the snow continued to fall. Jalen took a sip of his coffee. A man fell down the stairs and rolled to the door.

"Kyle... what are you doing?"

"I think... I might have had a bit too much to drink... I forgot my most important man over there... his name is..."

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