Locked In a Prison

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
An account in story form about being locked in a prison of addiction. It is written to entertain, inform and help the reader gain an insight to a life of an addict. It is told from the heart and may it help those who are still locked in a prison.

Submitted: February 26, 2015

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Submitted: February 26, 2015

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~~Locked In a Prison

“Hello sweetheart! What you drinking tonight? May I buy you another?” he said with a charming drawl as he sat down beside me at the bar. A tingle came over me, but it could have been the excessive gin and tequila I had been drinking that caused me to feel the rush. Whatever, it was I wasn’t going to let this moment slip out of reach. I needed another drink and what a great way to get it free of charge.
I knew the consequences for such an act of daring, but I needed that drink. I had shut out the warning signals and alarms that would go off inside my head when I even stepped foot inside the premises of such an establishment, long ago. I was numb from the excessive amounts of alcohol.
I leaned sideways into him and could smell the stale smell of cigarettes, mixed with aftershave. He wasn’t too bad looking and his dark hair curled at the nap of his neck, making me have an urge to run my fingers through it. He was what modern day women would call hot and he was giving me attention. I felt giddy!
“Sure, Good-Looking!” I said in breathless voice. “I am drinking slow gin and 7 up.”
He motioned for the bar tender to come closer and above the roar of voices and the loud music off the jukebox, ordered me another drink. I was having a good time. Exactly like I had planned it inside my head when I had dressed up that evening to go out. Who needed to go out with friends when you could get free drinks if you came in single and looking all prettied up? I had done this before and if I played my cards right, I would get lucky and have him snagged before the night was over. He would continue to buy my drinks until I blacked out and didn’t remember anything from that point onward.
I knew better every morning when I would wake up in some strange house or in my own living room unable to tell you how I had got home, but night after night, I would be powerless to stop the propelling force that drove me to repeat the night before. I was locked in a prison with no way out. I had lost the key to unlock the bars that held me captive, long ago when the addiction set in at full force. 
I am an alcoholic and powerless over many things of various natures. Somewhere with my idea and good intentions of having a good time at parties, it had changed into a fierce gripping propulsion of having to have the drink in order to function. I can’t tell you where that change began; maybe it was there all along. At any rate, I had to have those drinks and many times I didn’t have the money to buy them. That is when I relied heavily upon my ability to get the guys at the bars to buy it for me.
My alcoholism took me down a winding, treacherous road, but eventually with the help of God, as I choose to believe, I came to the end of that pathway. There I stood at a turning point, crying out to God to save me from my utter hopeless and pathetic existence. He came to my rescue and saved me out of that prison. He is the only One who has the power to help unlock those prison doors. I choose to let Him in.
“How do I get out?” I said to myself in misery. “I have done everything I can possibly think of to be happy and nothing has worked. Who says this way will?”
That is the key to leaving my prison! When I have tried everything I can possibly think of doing, then and only then, am I ready to let God take over.
“But, But!” I stammered, “I don’t want to be religious and the way looks too hard to travel!”
Yes, I have thought those very thoughts and so I continued doing everything in my power to quit, but nothing worked until I let go!
There are days when I try to take back some of my way of doing things, but I instantly become locked in that prison of unhappiness, discontentment and self-hatred. I have to return to my Creator in order to get out.
I am not bragging about my past. I am saddened on some days of how I hurt others, and took advantage of so many. The only reason I tell my story is to help others who may think that there is no way out of the prison they are locked in, be it depression, addictions or negativity. Where ever you are at in your journey, God is there beside you. He is waiting to let you out into His light and freedom. Let God in and you will experience greater things than you can even imagine. Maybe not right away, but in time you will see miracles happening around you and feel peace that passes all human understanding.
You may wonder how you are supposed to let go exactly. Everyone has to come to God in their own understanding. Start out by talking to Him as though He is right there beside you. He is beside you even if you can’t see Him. Let Him build on your faith that you believe He hears you and understands and cares. As you talk to Him, He will lovingly hold you in His arms and change your dark nights into peaceful days.
Life won’t always be calm and you may want to retreat back into what you think is safety of those prison walls, but just reach out to those who care and support you and hang on to your faith that God will see you through.
May your love for freedom grow so that you know when you have chosen the dark gloomy cell again, that you won’t stay locked there but hastily return to your place of peace.

 


© Copyright 2020 Charmain Kaye. All rights reserved.

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