Facebook: The Glory

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a Satire on the glorification of Facebook

Submitted: July 31, 2012

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Submitted: July 31, 2012

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It is quite true that today’s technology has expanded and engulfed us in our daily routines. Nowadays, even the most irritable of people have encumbered themselves in the virtual world that has become our great America. Most everything today is run by technology and its advancements. There are great animatic machines that provide people who have never been able to see with sight, people who have never been able to walk with limbs! There have been advances in the medical field that can cure people from swine-flu epidemics, and amazing achievements that allow us to see into entire galaxies and different worlds. However, the greatest advancement to date has by far been the inexplicable glory and awesomeness of Facebook.

Indeed, this great invention has been praised and glorified to the point where people just want to “shoot themselves in the face” from the utter excitement. I cannot stress enough how important Facebook is to our culture today. It is so immediately convenient and reliable that, without it, (God forbid,) we as a people could not strive forward.

Facebook’s main essentials and benefits are self-explanatory. Without Facebook, how would I know what people are thinking every minute of the day? I shudder at the thought of not knowing when my loved ones have procrastinated their homework! I cannot bare the thought of not seeing the beautiful images of my friends’ greasy breakfasts! I couldn’t live with myself not knowing if Shineequa is still in a relationship or if she’s dumped that boy’s sorry ass!

Some would argue with the fact that Facebook is, in fact, not as amazing as everyone says it is. Well, to those neigh-sayers I say, “Scuffelufalus!” Studies show, that Facebook has increased disorders. “The most significant negative effects that were highlighted were the development of narcissism, presence of other disorders like having antisocial behaviors and aggressive tendencies, increased absence from academic institutions due the increased likelihood of developing stomach aches, sleeping problems, anxiety and depression.” # But those teens are probably only depressed because they have no friends, and, let’s face it, the amount of friends you have is only equivalent to your worth as a human being.

I can only conclude that all of the praising and glorification that Facebook receives is entirely justified. After all... we should teach the youths of today that instead of discovering the cure for cancer, they should attempt to create websites to feed the egos of the shallow.


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