You wake up and feel alone, like you have no one.
Like you are no one, you fought your way through the day just so you could go back to bed.
You need to be alone, you want to be alone.
You feel like everything has gone wrong from the moment your eyes opened.
How you feel, how you look at your self in the mirror, all you see is your pain, your sadness.
You feel ugly, like no one will ever love you.
You try so hard to feel wanted, even for a minute, until you find yourself giving up.
Staying in when everyone goes out, skipping school or work. Ignoring your texts and calls.
Sitting in the dark and crying yourself to sleep.
Drinking your pain away, drinking into oblivion.
Trying to find yourself is the hardest thing when your in a sea of darkness.
When all you feel is empty and terrified.
Not sure, how to move on with your life, how to find the light.
You get pulled down, until you cannot breath, until you cannot move.
That insufferable feeling of loneliness and hatred, it doesnt go away.
It follows you wherever you go, hitting you when you least expect it.
Grabbing for your soul, attacking your mind.
Putting ideas into your head, voices telling you that there is no reason to live,
no reason to fight.
I should know, I have been there, somedays Im still there.
All I know is eventually the light comes, not when you ask for it, cry for it, or beg for it.
But when your down to your last hope, down to your last breath, last string.
That's when the light will come, thats when you will find a reason why your life is worth it.
It may not hit you right away, it may not open your eyes until the last minute but I guarantee it will save you.
It will leave you breathless and confused, you wont understand; you may never understand why it came.
You may feel even more lost for a bit, but the aftermath of it, of all the pain and loneliness and sadness
will fade away one day, you may not even realize it happened, not right at first, but after a while
when your happy and you have a reason to live. You will understand, your eyes will have opened up.
You'll thank the Lord for saving you when he did.
You will fight to keep that reason, and you will protect it with everything you have.
I cannot promise you it will come now, or soon. But it will come. You will be ok.
Until that day I ask you to keep this thought in your head. In the darkest of moments,
when you do not think you can make it one more day, when the loneliness gets to much
close your eyes and place your hand over your heart,
Feel it, and remember as long as your heart is beating you have a purpose.
You have love.
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