Hiking

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A woman's efforts to understand the term "Hiking"

Submitted: October 05, 2015

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Submitted: October 05, 2015

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Joe & I

Hiking

My neighbor’s husband goes hiking. One day I asked him “Just what is hiking?” He told me that when one goes hiking, you walk along a trail in the woods. So I asked him, “Why don’t you just say that you’re going for a walk in the woods?” He said “JUST BECAUSE.”

Just because? What kind of answer is that? So I asked his wife Sally. “Oh he likes to be difficult. Trust me, I’m married to him.” I’d ask my husband but he puts up a fuss just taking out the garbage once a week.

I looked at newspaper sales ad for the aforementioned “hiking” gear. Nope, nothing! It was as absent as picking the only winning lottery number. I saw ads for sleep wear, children’s clothes, “OOOHHH Penny’s is having a special on bedding…” Oh sorry, I forgot where I was.

So I looked up the base word hike in Webster’s Dictionary. It means “to take a long, vigorous walk; tramp or march through the country, woods, etc. So there it was, the definitive answer, or so I thought.

My cousin Allen, who lives in the city, hikes downtown, from three streets over, so go figure.

So I asked a salesman from SEARS if he had any “HIKING GEAR.” He told me that they don’t carry “HIKING GEAR” per se. They have boots, shoes and sneakers, but no “HIKING GEAR”, sorry.

 

Still more research.

My friend Brenda’s husband, Steve goes “HIKING”, I’ll ask him. “Steve, what is “hiking gear?” “Well” he said, “hiking is when you go for a long walk in the country, and “gear” is whatever you are wearing at that time.” I thought “WHAT A STARTLING tidbit of information” I had just learned. So I asked him whether or not if I was wearing my Calvin Kline designer footwear and went for a walk in the woods, would I be “HIKING?” NO was the blatant answer. You have to be wearing HIKING GEAR to go HIKING.

But if HIKING GEAR is what you wear when you go HIKING, where do you get it? And why can’t I wear my Calvin Kline designer footwear hiking?

Still the answers eluded me. Then a friend of mine suggested that I seek out the local Boy Scout Troop. They go “HIKING” all the time. So I found a Boy Scout Troop at our local church. I asked the leader about “HIKING” and asked him what the scout wore when they went. He told me that they wore their uniforms and sneakers when they went. But as for “HIKING GEAR” no they didn’t have any.

MORE RESEARCH

I went to L.L. BEAN. Known to ALL as the “GO-TO” company for all things “OUTDOORSY.” I asked a salesman for some “HIKING GEAR”.

He asked me, “What kind of hiking are you going to do”. “HUH?” There’s a difference? ANOTHER tidbit of information.

How do I know “WHAT” type of hiking I’m going to do. So in order to be prepared, he sells me no less than four pair of footwear, two types of backpacks to store the aforementioned footwear in, rain gear, in case it rained. A tent, just in case I get lost while “hiking”. A canteen, in case I get thirsty. A bush hat, to keep the sun off of me. A hatchet, to mark the trails so I don’t get lost. A compass, so’s I can find my way in the woods. [Mind you, the compass has no instructions]. A book of maps, to go with the compass. A knife, a can opener, an air mattress, so’s I don’t have to sleep on the floor of the tent and get wet. An oversized sleeping bag [good down to -80 degrees]. A first-aid kit, in case I get hurt. A web belt with pouches to put even MORE things on while “HIKING”. Matches, so I can start a fire. A flashlight, for night time safety. A lantern to set atop the picnic table. And enough cookware to fill a small semi trailer with.

So now I look like one of those sherpas ready to climb Mt. Everest.

AND I STILL don’t know the meaning of “HIKING” or “HIKING GEAR” [sigh].


© Copyright 2020 Chevyman1953. All rights reserved.

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