Pictures worth a Thousand words but I will never tell you how I feel.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
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Submitted: November 29, 2011

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Submitted: November 29, 2011

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You know that feeling you get when you're with that one person? 

That tingle feeling or that certain smile that you have, that he has. 

that feeling you get when you want him more then anyone else in the whole world, but he's encompassed in his own life so much that no matter how hard you try to reach him, he never comes around. 

And that feeling you get when he suddenly comes out of his own world to notice you for just a second before he goes back. 

But then he smiles and tells you he loves you. more then anyone else in the world, more then anything else in the world and nothing could change that. 

He says to you in that voice everything you want to hear, or maybe you just hear what you want to hear and completely disregard what he is saying, because that is how he makes you feel.

and when you discover that he has in fact been saying those same words in the same way, but to another girl...

my blood runs cold. 

I know that feeling

do you?

i had always told myself, I will never cheat, and I will never be cheated on. 

and the person who does cheat on me he will never live to see another day, because all of the things I would do to him and that my friends would do to him...

 

I guess I can't spot a lie.

I saw the signs but he just made it so convincing that I was the one with the problem not him, that I was the one who he couldn't trust because I didn't "trust" him. 

What is in a relationship if not for trust? 

What is in a relationship if not for honestly?

What is the point of us being together, if we can't be with each other. 

He made me feel like I was the one at fault. 

Slowly he manipulated me, into being with him, into a place where I can't escape even if I wanted to because I have no where else to go. 

He told me, the worst thing I could possibly do to him would be to cheat on him. if I did that to him, he would kill himself, he would hate every person in the world and he would just disappear and never come back.

He guilted me into not talking to any guy, making it seem like I was cheating on him. He made me feel like the worst thing I could do was look at a guy. 

He got mad at me for talking to another guy, studying with him, talking about classes, rather then texting me. 

And when I wouldn't text him for long periods of time he would get mad at me demanding to know where I was who I was with....

Even when we started living together, he questioned me going to my parents house, asking if I was really going there or going to see another man.

but when it all came down to it. 

on one day when I was bored, I got onto his computer and accidently got on his messenger. 

Seeing a message from a girl he said he had stopped talking to well before we started dating, an ex from the past. 

curiosity got the best of me.

how could he be so careless?

pictures are worth a thousand words 

but I have none to say....

The aftermath came tumbling down...

one month, after month, after month, he had been stringing me and another girl along, being mean to her just as he had been to me.....

I understood now, all the fights and accusations, but I never really thought...

I paced back and forth thinking of what to say or what to do.... I just wanted to disappear... away from the world... away from the rest of the world. 

A picture is worth a thousand words...

but I couldn't find a single one...

when we saw each other again, I told him what I did.

In my mind I was thinking about all the things that I would do to him. 

but... I couldn't move. 

has that ever happened to you?

He stood there waiting for me to do something, but I couldn't. 

A picture is worth a thousand words....

but I have none to say to you....

So this is me saying I don't know what I did to deserve this, 

I don't know what I did to make you want to push me away...

but as it stands, I am weak, because I am still with you, and I know it...

Pictures are worth a thousand words,

 but I will never tell you how I feel.

 


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